How Can I get through the meeting without crying?

[tiredmummyneedswineandsleep]

Have DS multi agency meeting tomorrow. I'm a nervous wreck. Have been trying to arrange for him to go back to his old nursery if I can get funding. The pre school in which he attends is attached to the school in which I work so I will have to attend with colleagues who have as good as said I haven't done enough for DS and did I only bring him to paed because old nursery suggested it and why didn't I take him to GP more etc..
I contacted HV about his lack of speech at 18 months and to be honest only thought his activeness was due to being young and a boy. I self referred through health visitor for SALT off my own back and took got a place with SALT as soon as he hit 2. She recommended SOGS test and PAED which of course I agreed to.
Saw a community paed on first visit and she agreed that although he was very active he gave a good social smile and eye contact to her. She said he was too young to assess properly and he then saw consultant Paed 7 months later who asked me what I thought was wrong and I said ASD spectrum and ADHD and he agreed. I asked him to write to the new pre school and head of SEN to let them know and he did saying DS should be treated as if he has a diagnosis for both.
Pre School cut DS hours from 15 to 6. I have had people at work whispering about DS and I.
Any tactics to get through tomorrows meeting without sobbing all way through.
Now that I am wanting to send him back to nursery pre school have said why should they waste their time helping DS when nursery would benefit from funding.
All I want is whats best for DS.. Nursery has a hall which is separated into 2 so DS can run around in one half if he needs to and he and other children be safe unlike the classroom he is in now. Other parents have been using the F word in the pre school entrance infront of him and pre school just said bring him in 15 mins later each day if we have issue with it! The head said even if DS has 1:1 there they would only be 'policing him' Nursery said they adore DS and would love him back if I can arrange funding for 1:1. They have much less children per session than Pre school which would suit DS more as he has a sensory overload in busy rooms.
Wish LEA's would just provide support where needed than making it so hard to access. DS is only 3 and already benn seen by an ed psych three times and on school action plsu for a year.
I have been crying all evening and dont know how I will make it through tomorrow. Haven't slept properly in weeks and have constant headaches and stomach aches related to the stress.

sorry you have had such a rotten time of it, and that even your worklife has been affected. if you do cry - then quite frankly it's a case of SHAME ON THEM - i.e the pre-school colleagues who are undermining you and your boy.

Sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. Do not feel embarressed about getting upset in the meeting. You are your child's best advocate and know him best. Would a dx enable you to access 1:1? It may be worth pushing this along if it means getting appropriate input. Good luck. Keep calm and let us know how it goes

Can your man come along to this meeting tomorrow?. If not possible can a staff member from the nursery go with you?. You need another advocate here. Make copious notes during this meeting.

SA plus is truly not worth the paper its written on; its certainly not fit for purpose in your son's case with the diagnoses he has.

In your case I would apply for a Statement from the LEA asap (has anyone ever mentioned you applying for a Statement?). You will need to write to the Chief Education Officer at your LEA and give them six weeks to reply.

Can the nursery he attended arrange some interim funding in the meantime?.

Never forget that you are your child's best - and only - advocate.

www.ipsea.org.uk is a good website re the Statementing process and has model letters you can use.

thanks i dont have a partner, ds father is/was an abusive liar and bully. Keep getting told no money in budget for funding :-(

Will start statutory assessment process myself tomorrow. Was told to wait until meeting. Feel I have no choice but to withdraw DS from pre school. I simply cant work there and see myself and DS treated so badly in the mean time.
My elderly parents have offered to have him in meantime so I can continue with my part time job. It's not really fair on them or DS but feel we have no choice. My poor mum is walking over a mile to take him there and by the time she's walked back home she practically has to sett off again to collect him as he isn't allowed to attend the full session.

Their lack of funding is their problem and not yours. The pre school has behaved appallingly. I would definitely agree with attila that you need to get a statement and that school action or action plus will not be enough for him. As for crying in the meeting, this is tough I have often felt myself welling up in meetings. I now take anotebook and take copious notes. It makes me look like a PITA, but it also helps me to focus on something other than my emotions a bit. That said, I wouldn't feel bad if you do. People cry about all sorts of stuff, you are facing a very difficult situation, most people would feel like crying. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Hope the meeting is better than you fear. It's very hard to deal with stupid ignorant people and even worse if they are in a powerful position wrt to you and your ds. If you don't have anyone with you in the meeting (your parents?) you could try imagining that your preferred sensible professional is sat behind you nodding at whatever you say and frowning / raising eyebrows at their irrelevant 'points' (sounds stupid but works for me sometimes). Good luck... & update us after the meet.

thanks so much for asking. i cant believe i made it through without crying
it went ok and am awaiting a caf so that we can fill out another form which has to be in place to try to access early years funding. am also about to request statutory assessment and am praying it's accepted so ds can recieve a statement prior to starting primary school in sep 11.
im so relieved that the ball is rolling and am hoping beyond hope that ds gets the support he needs.
have a week off work now and cant wait to not have to rush off in the mornings etc..
once again thank you so much for asking and replying it means a lot as am finding it a really isolating time.

Glad it went well and things are moving in the right direction.
Keep posting on here

Sorry I missed this. Keep going. This is the worst bit.

were abouts are you iredmummy?
Sorry your having a rough time, sounds horrible :(

thanks it is so good to chat with people who understand. friends and colleagues children all seem to be nt.
lisa im in glos.

Well done, sounds like the meeting went as well as it could have. Are there any support groups in your area?my head didn't start working normally till I started going to a SN parent coffee morning and found I wasn't going mad or imagining things. This board is great too.