Primary - Secondary and loads more inbetween!

[Normalnorman]

Hi all - hoping some of you might be able to help. I would keep it brief but it's impossible I'm afraid!

My son is 11 and due to start secondary next year. Since being a toddler, he has had difficulties and traits consistent with Dyspraxia / ADHD such as jumping up and down, flapping his arms about, making involuntary noises, extreme sensitivity to noises, a hate of certain fabrics and textures etc.

The Ed Psych got involved approx 2 years ago and did briefly touch on a possibility of Dyspraxia but didn't really follow it up any further from there, recommending that between my son, the school and us, we need to "find better coping strategies". He noted his intelligence levels however, saying it was a "shame we have to mark kids based on written work alone"??

My son is now in his last year at primary and struggling enormously. He can't focus or concentrate for longer than a few minutes, doesn't retain information, has appalling handwriting and organisational skills and is "underachieving" in terms of national standards.

He hates school, has low confidence and self esteem, has very few friends and still occasionally bed wets. Worst still, he began (quite absent mindedly) pulling out his eyelashes and eyebrows and no longer has any!!

Applications for secondary need to be in at the end of this month and I honestly think it would be traumatic for him at mainstream secondary. I think - I KNOW his social and emotional difficulties will snowball beyond belief but I don't know where to go from here.

School share my concerns but I think they feel as though we've hit a brick wall with the Ed Psych and left it there.

Can anyone offer any magical words of wisdom? :(

Apply for an assessemnt for a possible Statement.

It will give you a full description of your son's difficulties and what support he will need.

Chat to the SENCO to see if school will initiate it - if not apply yourself. You just about have time to get this sorted before he starts at secondary.

Best wishes

yes, apply for a statement asap.

BTW I also have a nervous habit of pulling my eyelashes out which I've had since I was about 6. ( that's nearly 40 years)... it's never actually stopped them growing back, and I can just about keep it under control now. Otherwise I'm 'normal' . try not to worry about that one; it's just like nail biting just a bit more shocking... I remember being mortified when my mum took me to the doc and he said it might be ringworm, but he thought all girls wore false eyelashes anyway. [!!] ... I think I would have liked my mum to acknowledge the problem, but not to over-react which only made things worse.

Have you been to your GP to ask about having him assessed?

I would write a list of all your concerns about him, what areas he has particular problems with etc, discuss them with your GP and ask to be referred, preferably to a Developmental Paediatrician, with the aim of getting a better idea of the root of his problems and how he can be better supported. You might not get to see a Developmental Paed as its notoriously hard to get to see one, but she should be able to at least refer you to the Community Paediatrician, who can refer you on to the right people from there.

An Ed Psych on his/her own would not be qualified to assess and diagnose these sorts of problems, but they should at least have worked on his low confidence and low self-esteem issues. Could you try asking to see a different Ed Psy perhaps? They aren't all cut from the same cloth and we have been fortunate enough to find one who is so wonderful I could kiss her feet - literally!

I know you said the school share your concerns, but is he on School Action or SA+? It sounds like he should be. If he isn't, it sounds like the school has also let your ds down by not acting sooner to assess and support him. Perhaps you could arrange a meeting with the school SENCO as well and talk it through with him/her.

I would go ahead and do the Secondary Application, so that its there should you decide to go down that route. See if you can find out which of the local schools are the most supportive for children with Special Educational Needs, go and visit it and have a chat with them about your son and if it seems positive, you could put that one as your first choice.

Go ahead and apply for Statutory Assessment for a Statement as well, as these things take a long time and its best to get started asap. Useful websites about this process are:

Directgove SEN and Statementing information page.

and

Ipsea Which is good for helping you through the complexities of the process and what to do if your request is refused.

Good luck, I really hope you manage to get some help and support in place for your ds before transition. I am dreading it when its my ds's time to move up to secondary. He is in year 4 and I can feel it looming over my head like a big black cloud already, so I do understant how you feel.

Have you got a copy of the Special Educational Needs Code of Practice? You can get a free copy: 0845 60 222 60 usually within 5 to 7 working days or download it yourself www.dfes.gov.uk

Trying to get a special school place without a statement will be nigh on impossible in most areas so finding out which schools have a good reputation for SEN would be the best bet.
My DS has coped in Mainstream secondary because he is licky enough to be in one with a lot of support. A lot of mainstream secondaries have more expertise than primaries and you might be surprised at how much they have to offer.

Oops- lucky not licky!

How far behind is he in terms of underachieving?

I would agree that you should request a statement but it takes at least six months for it to be finalised, so you'll have to look at mainstream schools for the time being. You won't get a statement in place for a special school in time for the normal admissions round - and it's true that generally you'll need a statement to have any chance of getting into a special school.

The admissions process for many mainstream schools does allow preference for those with medical/psychological problems without a statement, but it would have to be backed up by medical reports. So I think it would be a priority to see your GP and ask for a referral. Mention his psychological issues as well as the dyspraxia concerns.

I would also get in touch with the local mainstream schools and ask for an appointment with their SENCO. Ask what support they can offer for your child's needs and what kind of experience they have with SEN. Some mainstream schools are good at dealing with SEN, with or without statements.

You could also check whether parents are able to self-refer to the EP service - some areas allow this and others don't. Have a look on your LA's website or ask the local Parent Partnership.

I am so sorry to hear your son is experiencing such problems. I feel that whatever school he attends should have an Emotional Intelligence programme up and running. This helps to teach all the children in the school about recognising their own emotions and learning how to deal with them whilst at the same time teaching them to recognise the emotions of others around them. Being empathic and learning how and when to use the emotions you are feeling if you begin this at home it will help his self esteem and confidence levels as he will start to realise that everyone is different and that is ok. If he can start to express his emotions and learn how to manage them it will help him to cope.