NT siblings...

[JustBeachy]

I am just wondering how much having an ASD (or any SN really) sibling affects the NT child? My DD is quite hard work at times - sometimes it seems she is unable to do as she is told (although not willfully naughty iyswim). She is also very loud/interrupts/bossy. I should add that she is charming, articulate, loving and sticks up for DS (asd) when needed. I just wonder if having a DS with asd affects her behaviour at all? She doesn't really ask much about DS and we have just told her he has trouble speaking properly so he needs extra help (ABA tutors) which she has accepted without comment. They are both 5.

I know it is impossible to tell what she would be like without an ASD twin brother but I wondered if anyone here had any insights?

Thank you

Its bound to have some impact although it will probably be positive and help make her more tolerant and accepting. Although you might get accused of loving him more than her a few times.

I imagine it depends on the nature of the SN. It has been a godsend for us having an older NT child as my DD, who has physical problems has just tried to copy everything her brother does which has really helped with her development. I don't think she would be where she is now without him TBH.

I think the main problem has been giving my DS time because we've been supporting and worrying about DD so much. He is now behind in certain areas at school so I would say he has suffered in a way On the plus side I think it has made him a really caring and accepting little boy.

I have two boys with dx of ASD and one older NT DD. I have no doubt their dx and behaviour has had an impact on her - she very much feels bottom of the pecking order when we are out and about as they have zero sense of safety awareness. We try to give her individual time as much as we can but its a struggle with 3 children. She is a very caring and warm hearted child but can lose her temper with it all sometimes which is entirely reasonable in my view. There's a book by Harris and Glasberg "Siblings of children with Autism" you might find useful - I did.

We have 2 NT boys - their elder brother has severe autism.

They're affected in little ways - for example they don't get to go on foreign holidays (or much in the way of holidays at all come to that), and they don't go out to eat really unless ds1 is in respite etc etc.

It doesn't seem to have affected them adversely. They're both doing well at school, both described as caring and sensitive. Both pretty confident.

I think regular respite is fairly important though as there is so much we cannot do when ds1 is around.

DS2 had his 'best holiday ever' this year - which was horse boy, so he wouldn't have gone without having ds1.

Mine are a tad older now (DS with ASD MLD etc is 13) and his 16,17 and 18 yr old siblings have talked about this quite a bit. I have always worried that they might have felt :( at times, when DS2's needs have taken precedence etc etc, but...

They all agree that their lives are 100x better for having him. Partly it has to be said because we have been members of a special needs internet group (Specialkidsintheuk) since DS2 was 3 years old.. and they have met so many people, made so many friends there, who they would never otherwise have met. Our Spkids camping holiday is the highlight of their year..still! They all feel they have developed an understanding of disability that they wouldn't have done and they have an empathy and completely relaxed attitude that their experiences have given them!

My 18 yr old has just gone to Uni to study medicine and I hope will carry her understanding and positive attitude with her all her medical career!

Yes they get fed up at times.. they are normal kids, but their relationship with DS2 has always been one of 'he is who he is and we love him'

I think you can often 'spot' a sibling cos they tend to be such decent kids:):)

I think DS1 (9) is perhaps more grown-up than he would have been without his brother (8, ASD). We tend to involve him in discussions and sometimes decisions - and we've always been very open about DS2 and the nature of his difficulties. I'm not sure if this is right or not - sometimes I wonder if he's had enough time to be a child. He is very loyal and protective towards DS2 and often says he wouldn't change his autism - but he does sometimes get fed up with the fact that he doesn't have anyone who will play games on his level.

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts - I think I will get that book kerpob DD is very resilient, confident and happy but it surprises me that she is not more questioning about DS as she is about everything else...I am probably worrying unnecessarily (as is the law for all parents!)

Thanks again

The nas do a 'help' course for supporting the sibling of a child with autism. It was really useful

My older ones are now 23, 21 and 17 and my two with autism are 15 and 7. I like to think they have escaped unscathed from having autism in their lives. They are very mature, sensitive, caring and independent in comparison to their peers so that's a positive. I think I carry more guilt because they haven't had the attention or the opportunities because of their siblings' needs.They never appear resentful and openly adore the younger two and have endless patience with them.It will be interesting I suppose in years to come when they leave home whether their feelings are still as positive.