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Original poster

Shocked,hurt and Angry

10 replies

bloodyfuming · 19/10/2010 18:02

Have namechanged

I'm looking after my brother (9) for the week as my DPs have gone abroad on business. I have a ds (6) who has cp and they normally get on well with each other. I'd left them watching tv until I heard shouting. I came into the room to hear my brother call ds a spaz and a retard.
This reduced ds to tears as he's been called this in school by older kids. I'm absolutely furious with him how when his nephew is disabled and he knows that ds has been bullied he goes and says that(those 2 words are forbidden in this house). I lost it with him and sent him away to do his homework but I'm
AngryAngryAngry. I felt like smacking him and I'm normally very passive but now I'm shocked that he could say this.

Just needed to rant/vent/lament

OP posts:
beldaran · 19/10/2010 18:17

I'm sorry to hear that your DB was so rude to your DS. I think you did the right thing by sending him away to do his homework.

Maybe when you've calmed down you could explain (again) why those words are acceptable?

Ineed2 · 19/10/2010 18:19

I can see why you are so upset, Your poor ds. Does your brother have any kind of SN? If not I think I would be coming down on hime like a ton of bricks. He should definatly apologis to your ds and have some kind of sanction for his behaviour.

Original poster
bloodyfuming · 19/10/2010 18:25

No he doesn't have any SN. When he's done his homework I'll make him apoligise to ds and then I'll think of some sort of punishment.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 19/10/2010 18:29

Explain that they are unacceptable and tell him that if you have to make a choice because of his language and attitude, you will choose your son and not your brother.
I'd also tell your parents and explain how you feel and that they need to do somke serious work with your brother.
It is vile that your son hears those words at any time, but to hear them from a member of his family in his own home is indefensible.

herjazz · 19/10/2010 18:34

That's really horrible. Specially bad cos you obv care about and love yr db so will feel so let down in addition to all the anger you feel on behalf of ds

I think at 9 he's old enough to hear you just level all this out with him. How cruel and hurtful the comments are and how hurt and disappointed you are in him. I would focus on that rather than any punishment tbh.

If that fails to have any impact I'd be backing off from having him round for a while

Original poster
bloodyfuming · 19/10/2010 18:42

I do think a lot of my DB, he's normally really good with ds and I think we will have some brother-sister time tonight about why these words are unacceptable and offensive.

OP posts:
pallette · 19/10/2010 19:16

Sad for your ds, if I were your DB would be grovelling at ds feet and would have been given a good clip round the ear for his troubles also. I hate those 2 words more than any other

mariagoretti · 19/10/2010 19:30

Is he getting at ds to upset you, cos dp have left him behind? Doesn't make it any better if it is that, but might affect your tactics later this evening.

Original poster
bloodyfuming · 19/10/2010 22:24

I told him how hurt and dissappointed in him I was and then showed him some examples of disability hate crime. He got really upset at how unfair it was and said that everyone should be allowed to live a happy life.

He then promised me never to say it ever again. He is a good caring boy and he's never done anything like this before and he is only 9 so maybe I went a little OTT.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 19/10/2010 23:11

Well done for explaining and giving him a chance to realise how upset you were. Let's hope he doesn't forget.

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