Daughter hates herself

[rummum]

I'm not sure where to put this but I was just reading about meltdown's under this subject.

My 9 year old daughter has alway's had what we call 'wobblers' (maybe 1 every few months) but lately she has got so angry with herself and has been saying she want's to kill herself, she pull her hair out and bangs her head.. there is no reasoning with her while she is screaming and shouting and there is nothing we can do to prevent it or stop it other than letting it fizz out on its own...

I know this is not normal behaviour for a 9 year old girl, (I think the last 1 recently was about her worrying about starting school the next day)who do we go for for help....

Daughter is currently waiting to see the OT for suspected dyspraxia, I mentioned this behaviour to her headmistress, who was supprised as daughter is quiet and well behaved at school (and at home usually) and said she would mention it the the educational phycologist... but I won't hold my breath.. they've never been quick before... I want help now!

any ideas anyone....

she really is a lovely little girl, but her self esteem is low at the moment...

When you ask her why she hates herself, what does she say?

oh your poor daughter:9 do you think it would help if you took her for a chat with her GP? i know my friends daughter had some pyschiatry (not as scarey as it sounds) sessions for her dd when she was doing very similar.

she say's she doesn't know... (this to the recent big wobbler that my husband witnessed)

she's only said it about 3 times (3 times to much) and that was because she couldn't write like her friends...

Agree with Fio, I'd go to the GP and think about support from child psychiatry or phsychology.

Fio 2, daughter has this problem of dribbling wee during the day... I mentioned it to the doctor in front of her and she was mortified... I told her he wouldn't tell anyone, I don't think she would mention this to him...

what is a child psychiatry or phsychology.?? what do they do

Hi rummum

My DS (3.8 yr's) is being assessed at the moment and we suspect dyspraxia as we seem to have a lot of it in our family. I don't know that much about it but I've never heard that you can't have dyspraxia if you are quiet and well behaved. (Please someone correct me if I'm wrong about that).

If I were you I think I would speak to my GP alone and ask for his advice, or maybe your DD would come along if she were seeing a female GP.

Sorry I can't help much. My DS has only just started nursery so I have no idea of procedures for school age children. I just feel really bad for you that you're hearing your daughter say these things. Poor you and poor DD.

Hope you get some help soon.

{{{hugs}}}

they just talk to them rummum and try and get to the bottom of things. She may just need to talk about her problems with things. Do you think the incontinence is making her more frustrated? It cant be very nice for her as girls are often so enthusiastic about being clean and independant

GOOD NEWS

Just had the OT on the phone, I mentioned DD's wobblers and her low self esteem and daughter has an appointment next week!!! there are some programs that they run that apparently would help her....

The pediatrition at the hospital told me in August that she would refer DD to OT, thats if they agree to see her and it would take a year or more for an appointment!!!

Low self-esteem problems are really common with dyspraxia and if she is dribbling wee and has immature handwriting that is pretty serious for a nine year old. Is she being bullied at school? I'd seriously consider that if I were you. There are some great books on dyspraxia if you haven't read them, and they do deal with self-esteem and bullying problems. Madeleine Portwood's Developmental Dyspraxia is a good one, and HOw To Understand and Support Children with Dyspraxia by Lois Addy. Both on Amazon.
My son has dyspraxia btw.

When she said about her handwriting, what did you say? How about learning to touch type?
I might say something like, 'It must be frustrating for you. And I suppose it could be embarrassing too,' and see what she says. You might ask if anyone is ever mean to her because of it.

thanks for replying.

Daughter is learning to touch type and we have the pumba and timmon cd rom, I also brought her the sponge bob square pants typing cd rom the other day as well, she hasn't practiced at all over the summer holidays and seems to have forgotten what she had learnt! hopefully she will pick it up again soon... She uses an alpha smart at school but her year 5 teacher hasn't been able to find it this term! (apparently she told daughter to ask the headmistress where it is)!!

I got one book from the libary a while ago and will go and see if they have the other one you mentioned..

Daughter say's that no one is mean to her about her writting... apparently she has other children on her table that can hardly write/spell... (daughter can but is incredibly slow)

thanks for getting back to me

RumMum

Hi rummum, pleased to see that you are getting somewhere. I think the local psychiatrist or psychologist would typically be the person who might offer "sessions" (whether 1:1 or group) to people with low self esteem issues etc. I'm not that experienced on that side though as it wouldn't make any sense to my DS, I just know that our local Psychologist does sessions for kids with aspergers so assume that would stretch to other "conditions" or problems. Hope it turns out to be helpful.

cheers.. I haven't mentioned next weeks appointment to daughter yet... I think I'll take her out of school at lunch time and we can go to lunch together first...

Will the OT send a report to the school? I'm not sure if I want to share daughters thoughts with them.. mind you I think daughters low self esteem is about school... it may be good for them to realise that they could've done more.... the school have waited till she is this low before they have offered help!

UPDATE..........

The Educational phsycologist saw daughter yesterday and wasn't too worried about her dyspraxic tendencies but suggests that Daughter has Aspergers tendencies...
she doesn't show emotion, and doesn't know how to deal with it
she can't read people's moods...
can be quite blunt with people
doesn't get jokes, sarcasm, idioms
sensitive to noise...she daydreams (shuts off) in class as she can't cope...
there was more but I forget now...
The EP did lots of tests on daugher and said that daughter is worrying about friends.. and that deep down she was unhappy but has really good coping stratagies....

OK... I feel really numb about this at the moment, and would like some advice about how I can support daughter...

Daughter did actually make us laugh when she said that an arceologist came it to look at her brain

bump

anyone.....

I am sorry to hear about your Daughter

I don't have any advice to give, but maybe start another thread about it as people who have already read this a while ago might not look again, iyswim

good idea...

I didn't want to bore people and have to go over the same thing.....

You have my sympathy, I am also having problems with my DD atm

No helpful advise, sorry.....but lots of sympathy

Thanks...

Have just started a new thread..
Aspergers tendencies

You won't bore people!!!

Somebody will come along with experiance of Aspergers and give you tons of advice!!

I posted on the other thread.

The meltdowns are very like those Sam experiences; they're very distressing aren't they? we get about one a month now, it was every 3-4 days six months ago so a huge improvement. We put them down to fruatration, however unlike you we have never seen an ed psych (Just 20 minutes with a paediatrician) so you probably have a better understanding of your daughter's concerns than we do.

There are lots of people you can go to from here offering all sorts of stuff (just to mention a few BIBIC, BrainWave) but you do need to adjust yourselves first.