What do you do when it's making you ill?

[Eyemanalter]

I am a regular poster, having to use an alter as I have been told off for speaking about my problems on the internet.

I have been under stress since July from the school. They've been trying to force me to cut my child's hair (my child has sensory issues which mean they need their hair as a comfort mechanism). They have also been putting unbearable pressure on me to toilet train my child (again sensory processing disorder makes this difficult) so we didn't go out at all in the school holidays leading to quite a bad depressive episode.

The toilet training was only half successful, my child still soils. I ended up being called into school to clean my child up because only one member of staff is willing to do this and they weren't there that day. I was supposed to be taking another of my children to an appointment and couldn't go but they insisted or my child would have had to sit in it.

Today they have asked me to take my child to a school event rehearsal this week. I cannot do this as my child is in a wheelchair and the other child I will have with me is in a pushchair and I can't push both. They said my child should walk to the event but he is unable to walk more than 100m without extreme fatigue and pain. My child has a wheelchair and blue badge. This event is over a mile away each way.

My child should be full time at school now but isn't because there is no statement. My child is not permitted to stay at school for lunch so I have to to and fro from school all day collecting and dropping off.

I am constantly under the most intolerable pressure. I had a cold five weeks ago which developed into a sinus/chest infection and antibiotics still haven't shifted it. I can't fight infection. I'm constantly having palpitations, chest pain (although that could be the infection). I can feel my blood pressure rise. I have insomnia. I'm getting ill.

I don't know what to do. What do you do? Who do I go to I need help.

Do you have a partner, a relative or a friend who can help out?

Have you applied for a statement?

I have a husband but he can't deal with it, I'm on my own here really.

School has applied for a statement. Were turned down at preschool level. HCP can't believe that we were but we were. My child needs constant 1-1 to keep them safe.

I'm not surprised you are feeling ill. The school seems awful - is changing schools a feasible option?

Have you applied for a statement - IPSEA.org.uk has details of the process. Though obviously that won't help you in the interim - are their any support groups who can give you some help. Also try IPSEA and SOS!SEN helplines for some advice on where you stand without a statement - e.g. the Disibility Discrimination Act perhaps states they cannot operate in the way they are atm.

May also be worth speaking to Parents' Parentship - their helpfulness varies area to area.

ah x-posted.

The school should be able to get some emergency funding from the LA - may be worth speaking to the SEN team at your LA directly.

It is a constant battle and even more so with no support or help from anyone.

Have you thought about applying for a statement yourself? probably the last thing you feel like doing at the moment, but it could really help in the long run.

Also you could contact the school nurse and ask for a care plan with regards to toileting in school.

Why isnt your child in school full time?

Why isnt your child allowed to stay for lunch?

The school's application for a statement only went in last week.

My child can't go full time or for lunch because the school say so.

The school have already had as much emergency funding as they can get.

The school have a duty to provide an appropriate education. Because of the disability discrimination act, they may not insist that a child does not stay for lunch times. They must find the appropriate staff. It is in their interest to hurry up with a statement.

If you want your child at that school, you need to start verbally kicking the living shit out of them, because they don't want your child there and they are doing everything in their power to make sure you remove him. You need to make it clear that the longer they drag their heels on the statement, the longer they will have to find their OWN funding to meet your child's needs, because you will not be removing him at lunchtimes.

They cannot physically force him out of school unless you turn up to collect him at lunchtimes. And they might make noises about social services, but actually involving a social worker is the LAST thing they will do, as they are guilty of educational neglect.

It's not strictly a matter of wanting him at this school.
I have another child at this school, this child has similar needs but not as extreme and things have been fine, copes on School Action Plus and doesn't need a statement.

This school is the best of a bad bunch. On looking around trying to find a school for my kids I had schools telling me not to send my kids there.

but you don't have to do what they school tells you to do. They want what is best for their school, you have to fight for what is best for your son. Sometimes you'll have a conflict of interests - but the law is on your side here.

The slight sticking point is that the statutory duty for a child to be in full-time education is the term after they are 5, so even for September-born DC that would be Jan. How they pitches against the DDA when the school policy is that the rest of the children are full-time I don't know.

I think pressure needs to be put on the LA. Did they refuse to do a Stat. Assessment or refuse a statement and give you a note in lieu? and make sure you have written records of everything stated by the school (e.g. their refusal to have him full-time, collecting at lunch-time, calling you to change him, accompanying on school trips) and copy that on to the LA too. If they haven't written to you about those things I would urge you to send a letter in summarising them and forward that on to the LA as well.

Refusal was for stat assessment. Was even appealed by paed but they still refused on the basis of school's refusal to take him full time.

Eyemanalter, the refusal was correct in a sense - the school has to show that despite using their resources, they still can't cope. Until he is full time, that can't be shown.

I would do 2 things:

Start refusing to pick him up for lunch. Once you do that, the only option would be for school to make lunch/afternoon official exclusions.

What are they currently recorded as? Authorised Leave? I would count how many he has had, and be very aware that they are breaking the law. You need to contact the LA, tell them this is happening, and that your DS has already clocked up 30 half-day exclusions, this term.

www.teachernet.gov.uk/wholeschool/behaviour/exclusion/2008guidance/part2a/

2nd thing, is report it to the LA and ask for an emergency meeting with a SEN officer.

I don't know how they are getting around it, I have no idea, just that they don't think it's a good idea as he wouldn't cope with it.

By your reckoning there has been 7 full day exclusions and 17 half day exclusions, plus 45 minutes off each AM session.

I've tried to contact the LA but I have to exhaust the complaints process first. If I disclosed the reasons why this would be difficult it would out me, but one reason is that I have a child already at the school and that could negatively impact plus one other reason I really can't disclose but the parent partnership agree puts me in a really awkward situation.

Anything that youa re in discussion or dispute with regardign one child CAN NOT negatively effect the treatment or education of your other child.

Have you contacted the chair of governors? you are very entitled to do so at any time, for any reason without satisfying any LEA rules first.

Did you formally appeal the refused stat assesment that happened during preschool? e.g. put in an appeal with SENDIST?

Ace have a few guides on their website you might find useful particularly this one www.ace-ed.org.uk/Resources/ACE/advice%20booklets/Disability%20Discrimination%20MCIS%204th%20pp.pdf

Only you can weigh up the awkward situation if you go further with this vs the current situation, but, realistically a statement is going to take at least 3 or 4 months if it is rushed through; typically you are looking at 6 months, and if they refuse again you could be looking at a over a year. Are parents partnership offering you any advice/support? are they willing to speak to the school with you?

no wonder you're feeling ill with this to cope with. Where are you? and how old is your DC?

sound like you need to get a break to recover your strength before you go into battle with the school/ LA. Can you have a chat with your DH and explain that you need some help to give you a bit of mental space or you'll be getting ill or having a breakdown and he'll be having to cope with all of you on his own. cuz this is the situation I was in, and that wouldn't have been an exaggeration.

or, perhaps is there any respite service available, or anyone who would volunteer to do a school run occasionally?

there IS going to be some help for you out there... you just have to find it. Perhaps someone else could research it for you because you sound too busy and exhausted right now?

I wish I could give you a big hug.