OK I acknowledge I am tired and emotional.
Am feeling we have shot ourselves in the foot a little; hgetting ds1 the TA at all breaks to keep other kids safe is working but he's been meltdown at home for days, I sent ds2 in with cuts to his eye area this morning, ds3 begged not to come home from school Monday adn tuesday and I don't know what to do. now ds2 is copying him and ds4 is a little and it's beyond awful; they literally spent every bit of morning they weren't eating or getting dressed rolling around making huge squeaky noises and throwing things. Ds4 joined in, threw his shoes, cannot find them and it amde us late to school by 15 minutes and he had to wear wellies- i didn;t even get a chance to wash his properly which is awful, he still ahd bits of brekky around his mouth.
last night ds1 attacked very badly for hours so was put in his room with the lock after dislocating my jaw (I relocated it, happens a fair bit). He smasjed the lock off from the otehr side, through the door frame and door. luckily FIL is a carpenter so is coming to sort it but we can't even do that now- the other thing he is doing is getting out the windo and onto next door's roof and fire escape to get out.
I am absoluely not coping but there is nobody to get help from, he was signed off from food psych becuase he wasn;t cooperating and was lying about it all. SSD signed us off. but I know I am absolutely at my tether's end, have become horrid shouty Mum and even told ds1 I would consider baording school (I would, if we could afford it). The place is a mess as if I leave him one minute to tidy he goes for someone, and ds2's bedroom was entirely trashed last night, as was ds1's in order to rpevent me being able to put him to bed.
I don't know how much longer we can sope like this.