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I am exhausted! Ds1 on meltdown now at home for 4 days; ds2 emulating him to get attention; ds3 refusing to eat at school.... don't know what to do.

23 replies

ScaryMoaningArrrggghhhs · 15/10/2010 09:31

OK I acknowledge I am tired and emotional.

Am feeling we have shot ourselves in the foot a little; hgetting ds1 the TA at all breaks to keep other kids safe is working but he's been meltdown at home for days, I sent ds2 in with cuts to his eye area this morning, ds3 begged not to come home from school Monday adn tuesday and I don't know what to do. now ds2 is copying him and ds4 is a little and it's beyond awful; they literally spent every bit of morning they weren't eating or getting dressed rolling around making huge squeaky noises and throwing things. Ds4 joined in, threw his shoes, cannot find them and it amde us late to school by 15 minutes and he had to wear wellies- i didn;t even get a chance to wash his properly which is awful, he still ahd bits of brekky around his mouth.

last night ds1 attacked very badly for hours so was put in his room with the lock after dislocating my jaw (I relocated it, happens a fair bit). He smasjed the lock off from the otehr side, through the door frame and door. luckily FIL is a carpenter so is coming to sort it but we can't even do that now- the other thing he is doing is getting out the windo and onto next door's roof and fire escape to get out.

I am absoluely not coping but there is nobody to get help from, he was signed off from food psych becuase he wasn;t cooperating and was lying about it all. SSD signed us off. but I know I am absolutely at my tether's end, have become horrid shouty Mum and even told ds1 I would consider baording school (I would, if we could afford it). The place is a mess as if I leave him one minute to tidy he goes for someone, and ds2's bedroom was entirely trashed last night, as was ds1's in order to rpevent me being able to put him to bed.

I don't know how much longer we can sope like this.

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roundthebend4 · 15/10/2010 09:38

oh scare sorry such a rough time is resdential a option for ds1 know its hard thought to swallow but if could get Mon-Friday boarding would give you all a beak .Know your having huge struggle to get ds1 help

is there anyway you can call SS back up and demand to talk to the duty sw and say you cant cope know they dont always listern

as for the mess dont worry about it im living in bomb site due to struggling with housework and i dont ahve half the battles you do

roundthebend4 · 15/10/2010 09:39

is there any chance when ds goes of that you can call duty sw then or even the local police so they can see just how much of a handfull~( know more than that ) he is and how much danger hes putting you all in

sickofsocalledexperts · 15/10/2010 09:53

I am sorry if this has been asked before, but have you tried ritalin or strattera to control the wild behaviour? It has really worked for some pals of mine.

ScaryMoaningArrrggghhhs · 15/10/2010 09:55

Paed discharged ds, so not meds; SW wqrote how great aprents we are across forms so won;t take seriosuly- they did say we could report ds1 for child abuse to ds2 but how can I do that?

Resi not an option, SW team wouldn;t even fund a friend whose child is older and far more severe- criteria here is either child being seen for neglect or parents seriosuly ill; ecuation not talking to me ATM after I wrote long letter proving (IMO) lcoal comp wouldn;t manage ds1.

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justaboutawinegumoholic · 15/10/2010 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScaryMoaningArrrggghhhs · 15/10/2010 10:03

They might just take ds1 away though.

How could I?

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roundthebend4 · 15/10/2010 10:10

scarey i know of someone on anothe rforum going through something very similar and know she reache dpoint where called ss and said help cant keep the other dc safe and they talked about foster care but then could not find a placement to have him so back to square 1 but she has been advised that only thing she can do is when her ds is kicking of and others in danger is to call the local police so a note of its taken

she shoping to use this info to force a resdential placement so that can all get some respite

And hate to say it maybe better ds than you all being injured an dyou reaching the end and struggle to cope with the other dc leading to a breakdown

roundthebend4 · 15/10/2010 10:10

its a tough call a slike you im not overkeen on anything that involves ss

justaboutawinegumoholic · 15/10/2010 10:12

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dinosaur · 15/10/2010 10:15

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ouryve · 15/10/2010 10:15

I can't give you any other advice, Scarey, but I also didn't want to not reply I do hope you can find a solution and the help you need before someone gets really hurt.

I think there must be something in the air :(

ScaryMoaningArrrggghhhs · 15/10/2010 10:21

We're trying to get him a palce in an asd resource base, I think I cn holdm on if we get it but LEA blanking us right now- not respondingg, even to recorded mail. they operate a gatekeeper phone thing so you cannot just phone.

We should know next month.

I can't face losing uhim, becuase it would be that- he would never speak to me again.

I am ging to provide ds2 with a lock inside of his room I think, as long s he doesnt lock it last thing at night so I can check tehy are OK. I need to ask GP again for help.

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ScaryMoaningArrrggghhhs · 15/10/2010 10:21

ourvye

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justaboutawinegumoholic · 15/10/2010 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ouryve · 15/10/2010 10:45

back, Scarey. I promise I'll share my emergency chocolate stash with you.

ScaryMoaningArrrggghhhs · 15/10/2010 11:24

Ah no chocolate- being good; lost 9lbs so far, not giving up now!.

Justabout- I am thinking about your post, not ignoring. I think ds2 will be off as soon as he can, and I cannot blame him (I have managed to build a safety net based on him having a talent that is taught near my family, so he could study and be close to them IYSWIM). I hate that thought with all my body but I can't blame him. I'd be the same.

DS3 is stuck with us; he's not so much atraget though as he will happily sit with dh and i wheras ds2 seems to deliberately wind ds1 up.

DS4- ah now.

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TheArsenicCupCake · 15/10/2010 12:19

Scarey ( big hugs)..
I've read and re-read your op.. And I can't offer much..
The only thing I can offer is what we ended up doing when ds2 was putting everyone around him at risk and was causing injury to others ( including staff at school).. I don't know how good your gp is.. But .. I ended up going into mine and literally dumped everything on him and told him he was my last stop for any help.
He made urgent an urgent referal to CAMHS..
But I'm wondering if yours might be able to make other services get re-involved... An urgent referal to camhs, the pead and social services maybe?

I know you've probably tried it .. But it's the only thing I can think of to reopen the access to the help you need.

ScaryMoaningArrrggghhhs · 15/10/2010 12:43

I haven't re-tried it, I am rubbish at asking for help in RL.

As an aside, will I get to meet your ds tomorrow Arsenic? DS1 will be chained up, no need to worry Wink (and thats why i do carnival folks.... OK maybe not)

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TheArsenicCupCake · 15/10/2010 13:18

DH and I were just talking about the carnival :)
if I can shift the 104 temp I have ATM .. I have my boys home this weekend so sounds good to me:)

Lol @ chaining you ds1 up.. I'll message you :)

ScaryMoaningArrrggghhhs · 15/10/2010 13:28

Oooh poor you! hope you feel better soon. X

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TheArsenicCupCake · 15/10/2010 13:35

I blame my disease ridden dc's .. !!! Its all their fault!

mariagoretti · 15/10/2010 23:23

Didn't want to read and run. Have seen local police being v helpful in a couple of similar situations; social services somewhat less so except a few extra hours respite. Eventually camhs came through with an inpatient assessment admission... which helped lots.

roundthebend4 · 16/10/2010 14:22

How are things today?

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