What to do?

[woolytree]

Im having a looooong moan so no one needs to read this or reply...abandon ship now save yourselves!!!!

Im fed up of moaning.
Im fed up of crying.
Im fed up waiting.

Im very fed up. :(

On the DD front the dx report is due sat/mon...I just rang again...4th time lucky. Ive met with school senco/pp/inclusion and have a crap two point IEP for my trouble...cant face fighting it this week. SALT starts next week, wasnt supposed to be until next term but I kept asking. Ive made loads of visual supports. I spent this morning feeling isolated at playgroup with DS (nt)...cried all the way home. I think I want to move house/school/area...is that running away?

DP is being a complete twat. Hes looking for a new job so apparently that means he gets to behave like a selfish child, I say he but Im doing all the work for him...along with everything else. I told him I feel crap/teary need support, he just got moody. 10 years and Im considering leaving. I heped him through several bouts of depression, his two kids from previous marriage having ADHD/dx/medication etc, major financial problems, a career change and I look after our two dcs and him. Yesterday he said he 'didnt want to hear anything about autism, just going to be selfish and have some 'me time', If you dont like it get off your fat lazy arse and f**k off....go earn some money instead of spending all of MINE!' That was his actual response to me saying help, played xbox all night.

I feel disconnected. Have for years but the drama kept us going.

Bugger.

Huge empathy hug coming your way woolytree . i have a DH who gets a bit like that - very switched off when it comes to all the hard slog that goes with dealing with any organisation - school, NHS etc. I think they think that they should be put first, children second and you somewhere after the next important things (x box in this case?)
What can you do to un-fed up yourself short term? Then plan when you're feeling more positive, what to change to make yourself less fed-up long term. Easy to say - i tell myself often enough exactly the same. I think before children we felt in control of our lives, and now things happen that we can do nothing about, and when we try to sort things, we are met with walls. Everything, instead of getting easier, just gets harder and harder. It's hard getting back the control in your own life. It's also hard to stay rational when you're feeling so hacked off. Unfortunately you will have to make do with sympathy, empathy and understanding from someone who often has similar feelings - another x box widow

Thanks for the post auntevil, I had a chat with FIL and feel a bit less stressed. DP rang me...got a phone interview right now, :), but seemed not to care when I said I felt rubbish. FIL raised the same issues, 'has he ever supported me???'..

FIL is coming to visit. :)

Hope you have a good chat with FIL - he'll understand

Woolytree I can definitely epathise with the disconnected feeling. Me too.

I remember when I first discovered it. A friend had asked me how I did everything I had to do with hosp, Luuk etc and I replied'well if everyone dropped off the planet tomorrow, except Luuk and his docs I'd feel a bit sad but it would be ok.......'. Then I thought aybe not really a goood way to be. Would like to say I've sorted it but haven't. Never mind....I often think it is a result of trauma after trauma. Your eotions kind of shut down to protect you from more pain...Sending hugs xxx