Feeling a bit like "panic mum" and "always talking to the teacher mum"

[Triggles]

DS2 (4yo)often wakes up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. Sometimes doing a mini-version of his bedtime routine helps, sometimes not. Last night he woke up about 3am and was awake the rest of the night (and day). Tonight, he seems to be sleeping better, thank goodness. My concern is his behaviour during the day.

I know he was overtired, but he has hardly eaten anything over the last 24 hours (except apples, apple juice, milk, and chips - which I think he'd eat anytime), and at lunch at school he refused to eat his lunch (egg mayo sandwich and gingerbread men biscuits, along with pretzels and raisins - and the biscuits and sandwich are his favourites) and according to the note left in his lunchbox he threw his lunch on the floor, which is VERY unlike him. Note didn't say why or indicate anything else, just "he refused to eat his lunch and threw it on the floor." Again, VERY unlike him, but I know he was overtired and just not coping well.

Anyway, it means another conversation with the teacher tomorrow ... Seems like we are speaking to the teacher on a daily basis - I just asked to speak to her yesterday as for the last two weeks she hasn't been reminding DS2 to use the toilet and so he has had a toilet accident and had to change practically every day for the last two weeks. He hadn't had ANY accidents for the first 3 weeks of school when they were actively reminding the children to use the toilet. It's not a horribly hard train of thought to follow, is it?? Initially she said (this is teacher 1, they job share) that she doesn't have the time to be reminding 25+ students to use the toilet. Um... I really just need her to remind DS - thats ONE student! The rest seem to be doing alright. But DS sometimes just "forgets" to go, and by the time he realises he has to use the toilet, it often is too late. Obviously simple reminding worked well the first 3 weeks of school...you'd think she'd notice that when they stopped reminding them, that he had a significant change. I also wanted to point out for the millionth time that he has spare clothing in his backpack - as last week they put him in school trousers that were too big for him and they literally fell off down around his ankles in front of a group of other children when we were walking through the school to leave for the day as he simply couldn't hold them up. The TA KNEW they were too big as she mentioned it when I came to pick him up at end of school day. He was absolutely horrified, very upset, and it took awhile to calm him down. I'm just frustrated that despite me telling them numerous times that he has spare clothing in his bag (that fits - he's very very slim), they still don't use it and end up putting school stuff on him that is always too big. The teacher seemed surprised that he had clothing in his backpack, which further annoys me as I specifically told her in the "meet the teacher" 1-on-1 meeting that I would make sure there would be. And I watched her and the other teacher write it down at the time.

Teacher1 still possibly thinks this behaviour is down to DS2 being "naughty".. she seems rather grudging sometimes, especially during playtime (towards end of school day, we saw as were walking by playground on way to school for pickup) when she was standing facing the other direction chatting for a short while to another teacher, DS2 and a bunch of other boys in the class ran off in a different direction (luckily the insecure gate was locked, I checked) and she didn't notice them on the other side of the playground running around. (my point being if she has got the responsibility of the whole group, especially with at least one that has SNs and tends to run off, you would think she'd at LEAST keep a general eye on him, instead of turning her back to him and all the other children to laugh and chat and such with another teacher.

so.. I'm worried that:

• I am becoming the "speak to the teacher daily" person, but no matter how hard I avoid it, I still end up speaking to her
• information is not being passed between the two job sharing teachers and the TAs.
• teacher1 still seems to feel it's naughty instead of SN, teacher2 is much more tolerant and feels a lot of it is the SNs.
• I'm worried that he's hardly eating enough to keep an ant alive, much less a growing boy.

and probably worrying too much....

Is all this normal??

worrying is definitely part of the job description Have you thought about asking for a communication book, sounds like it would help. Do you think there's a time when both of the teachers are in that you could have a meeting with them and senco to discuss your dss needs?

Yes, I think you sound just fine, they sound like they need a bit of a kick up the bum..I have meetings with the Head of my DD's nursery where we go through everything and this seems to really help, maybe you can suggest something like this?

you're both right. Probably worth speaking to the SENco about it. I mentioned to the TA this morning that I would like them to remind him to go to the toilet, and of course the first response is "we're quite busy dealing with all the children... blahblah".. and I just said firmly, "I'm sure you are. And I'm sure you also see the logic that it takes much less of your time to remind him to use the toilet than it takes to change his clothing because he hasn't been reminded and has an accident. So I expect you to take the time to remind him." So we'll see what happens. I asked about why he threw his lunch on the floor, if he was upset about something, and she said no, he was sitting quietly and just got up and threw a tantrum, refused to eat, and threw the food on the floor. Again, soooooo unlike him. A tantrum yes, but it's usually quite clear why. And refuse to eat, yes, but he never throws it on the floor, just calmly pushes the plate away and says "no thank you." Frankly, as polite as it is, this drives me nuts, as he does this at home and I can't even be cross for bad manners or anything on that score . There's not really much for me to say at that point usually, as he does it politely it seems churlish to push him to eat at that point. He just pushes it away and refuses to eat.

The TA first tried to say the tantrum and food on the floor was normal behaviour for him, but then a few minutes later admitted to sending the note home about it because it was unusual behaviour for him. The fact that she is giving me conflicting information (when confronted with it) makes me wonder what really happened, and DS won't discuss it. I've asked him what happened or if he was upset and all he'll say is "gingerbread man" which was IN his lunch, but that doesn't really help, does it?

Teacher2 comes in today for rest of week.. big sigh of relief. Things always seem to go so much smoother when she's there.

Parent night is next week, we have a whole ten minute slot to speak to the teacher. I'll be meeting with the SENco after the teacher meeting, so any concerns will go through her I think for now. I've already had to speak to the headteacher 3 times now about teacher1 (which the headteacher stated she agreed with my impression of the situations involved and spoke to teacher1 about it), I'd rather not keep running to the head if I can avoid it. I try to deal directly with teacher1 if I can, but may see if I can't work through the SENco on some of it as well.

Start writing. They will hate to see all this in black and white.

Thanks. I've started keeping a log of everything. Seems like I spend all my time jotting things down.

Yes, but send what you write in your log to them for 'clarification' or to dispute.

It often motivates them to write back to you about your 'misunderstanding'!

okay, thank you. I will do that.

I would definatly agree with putting things in writing. Dd3's HT/senco took action straight away when I gave her a copy of some notes I had made about Dd3's stress levels. I would let them know that what you are giving them is not the original. Not that I am cynical or anything.