Wondering whether the whole point of seeing SALT was to make me feel like a crap parent and to guilty for not putting my child into nursery....

[allthreerolledintoone]

Ive waited 6 months for ds to see a speech therapist and after 3 mths she has closed the case despite ds still being behind in his speech.

Salt spent most of the time playing games and getting me to play with ds and just observing us together. This is fine but i found it extremely annoying when she kept suggesting things which i already do with ds like taking him to toddler groups,reading, making time to play with him etc. Then the following week she would say 'you've just started taking him to toddler group's now haven't you thats definitely helped him'. Ive always been taking him to toddler groups or playdates, ive always talked to him, read to him, played and sang with him.Most of the things she suggested i was already doing but she would then comment the following week like ive only just started doing these things on her advice-which was not the case at all.

Then she kept suggestting putting ds into nursery/pre-school. I had told her that i had tried but ds was very upset and found it tiring which made me upset. My hv and people on here said that going to toddler groups would be enough and nursery/pre-school wasn't important at his age not if he was unhappy.

The conclusion of it all has that when he starts pre-school (he starts Jan when he is 3) this should help keep doing what she has suggested. He does have a speech and maybe lang delay but this will come with age. He's too young for any therapy so just keep an eye on him and refer him if he's still behind before he starts school although nursery should keep on eye it. He may just always be that little bit behind though and need extra help. Im not sure what i was expecting but i really don't feel they have helped except knock my confidence as a parent

We had similar rubbish spouted at us by DS's 1st SALT when he was 2. DS was in nursery since age 2, but we still got blamed!
"Less tv, no dummy at night, reading and talking to him, no background noises when he is playing as apparently that was causing all the gibberish and gobledigook speech, more playdates,..." basically if we read betweeen the lines it was our failure as parents causing his delays.

I'm sorry you feel like c**p because of a professional's views. It is so hard at times.
I don't know what to suggest.
But sending you a hug and virtual chocolate. x

My DD1 has speech issues too and I did everything your SALT recommended including the nursery bit. I think the nursery bit was actually overrated for her- she didn't like it and it was nothing like the attention that she got at home, playing games, taking turns, reading books, etc. etc with mum (who is a bit more hands on than MN name suggests!)
I bet you're a great parent... my first SALT made me cry every session for some stupid thing or another she said/ implied.
I had to ask NHS to find me a new one (who has been much much better).

SALT made me feel like crap too. In an "office' setting, DS was too interested in the phone, drawers, cupboards to do her boring puzzle and she made me feel like the worst mother in the world. She wrote that he "read a book with a lot of support from mother" - when he really just wanted to explore the room. I asked if she had children - she said no which made me feel a bit better.

Thankyou for the replies. I just feel like she was really patronising me and suggesting that we didn't communicate with our ds. And to top it off she's closed the case and he still isn't speaking properly so waht was the point. She said i could refer him the normal way if im still concerned that he is n't improving which means going back onto the waiting list. Oh and she also had issues about ds not being potty trained he was only just 2.5 years when she first met him I really don't see the whole point of it all to be honest except to patronise the parents. I thought they would actually help him to talk.

Why didn't anyone tell me speech therapist are rubbish my god i feel so nieve

What you may find is that while your ds is behind he is not far enough behind to meet their criteria for your ds to access SALT. But they can't tell you this, which means that they can't give you proper advice/guidelines that you could follow yourself.

If you can afford it go private, or you may find that by the time somebody will admit that they do have a speech problem they will be too old for it to be dealt with .

I have cried this morning because DS's psychologist said directly "DS's behaviour not changing because of my parenting (Not DH as he is more strict with him)". This is because DS will do silly things when I am around like running away from me or asking me to carry him to the car, whereas he does not do these things with them. I have also been told that I am undoing all the goodness of them, e.g, one day we were early for DS's wrestling, so I let him run around like all the other kids were doing there, but after that for couple of sessions all he did was to run around. I can't even see what I was doing wrong as I felt what was wrong with him running around like other kids (apparently his running was just stimming, whereas other kids were actually running around). Sometimes I think these professionals are from another planet. I definitely misbehaved more around my grandparents than my parents as they were more lenient, but am I wrong to think to children behave differntly with differnt people according to their relationship with them?

Sorry for hijacking allthree, just with these so called professionals.

I think in a lot of cases, the professionals are treating our dc as if they're nt, rather than actually addressing the issues arising from their specific (special) needs. So of course in a few cases dc who are late/delayed in speech may just need some basic strategies which the parents haven't tried yet. But honestly, unless a child has been seriously isolated from people, if their development is normal they will pick up language normally. If they don't, there is obviously something more to it.

If a child isn't developing normally when they're doing normal things like toddler groups etc, then it's patently obvious there are additional needs that need addressing. Why tf don't they come up with specific strategies to target these?

Don't let the SALT make you feel like a crap parent. If your ds has speech delay it is nothing to do with your parenting.

Tiredmummy it is absolutely true that children push boundaries differently for different people - if my ds is having a tantrum about something he will prolong it much more with me than with anyone else because he thinks he knows how to push my buttons.

thank you justabout and Bialy. DS is the same with me, but what I was told that unless I am strict with DS with his silly behaviours DS is not going to change. So for example, I am not to carry DS to the car as it is not normal for a 5 years old to be carried. So the fact that every morning DS refuses to get up to go to school should not happen. Apparently as soon as I open the curtain, he should be downstairs eating his breakfast, not get the chance to ask me mummy, please go to sleep and no school please. I guess, it would be lovely if there is no arguments about not going to school, but is this the normal behaviour of a 5 years old who always listens to parents?

not that I carry DS to the car everyday.

Tiredmummyoftwo, DS is also asd, and 5 in a few weeks.
He behaves differently with different people.

I went to see a behavioural nurse (not for SN just general) last year.
DS was constantly climbing on the back of the armchair and jumping on the seat and was ignoring totally my many requests for him to stop. (i think he was stimming and just didn't want to be in that room with her) She told me he was behaving like this because my tone of voice wasn't strict enough! ...she never tried to say something herself to make him stop and show me my errors

The appointment was a total waste of time with me being blamed for his challenging behaviours which he also displays with DH but to a lesser extent.
Nothing to do with the fact that he has autism of course...(i told her that he was been assessed for ASD at the time).

Hugs. You're not alone. And you're a good mum. x

Well there is some truth in that you can change behaviour. But of course it's not about being "strict"

And it would be helpful if supposed experts would actually suggest some alternative methods!

Just wanted to add my sympathy...I found that SALT here just wanted to get us off their books. So first they couldn't assess DS because he was too complicated then they assessed him and he did all their activities so now he doesn't need them. They probably know what they are doing, they just don;t want to be doing it with us!

You'd think the professionals would be keen to demonstrate their expertise, rather than fobbing us all off? x

And it would be helpful if supposed experts would actually suggest some alternative methods!

That really struck a chord!
I spent last week with DS3 in hospital (he is NT, but has asthma), we were referred to AandE via the GP, rather than direct to the children's ward, and DS2 (nearly4 and a query ASD according to the people assessing DS1) was not going to be confined to a small space. He was getting more and more worked up, jumping off the bed, smashing into other cubicles, sliding along the floor whilst I tried to hold him still by the feet. Now normally I can keep him restrained entertained on a one-one basis. However, DS3 had to have a nebuliser over his face which he wouldn't keep on. The nurses were getting more and more wound up by DS2 but not one offered to help - not even by holding the neb on DS3. In fact it was only when we got referred to the childrens ward and they were waiting for transport they thought to see if DS2 would like some building blocks .

Thank you guys for all the support. To be fair, the psychiatrist did point out what types of things I was doing wrong and what I should be doing instead, like not holding DS's hand when we are out and about. I said-I just can't predict his behaviour, he is a runner and I am not fast enough, so I would rather be safe than sorry. She says he never runs away from his ABA therapist, so it should be the same with me . I am not sure whether I want to risk it as she feels that DS is not learning to be independent because of this type of controlling from me. She actually had a list of things I was doing wrong and wanted me to change my dealing with DS (she runs a small ABA school). I am not saying everything she said was wrong, she is ultimately trying to help DS, but to expect that DS will behave the same way with everybody in the world as he does with them is unrealistic.

One of the thing she said was that DS always hides behind me whenever he sees them and I don't stop him doing that before he gets the chance. Don't normal kids hide behind their parents when they feel threatened? But we are stuck at present, we have no other option than to swallow our pride and let them make us feel like bad parents.

Blimey! Makes me realise I have had some nice SALTS over the last year. My DS was 3 mid septemeber and been having therapy for a year before that so that's tosh about his age! My DS doesn't go to nursery either and they have never ever said anything to suggest it is that (obv I know it isn't). Cheeky sods. FWIW he still only has about 15 words and none joined together at all

Some SALT's talk bollocks is the short answer. Ask for a secondary opinion and for some proper assessments, not just opinion.

I have meet a couple of good SALT's and a couple of not so good SALT's.

Just started a thread myself, after SALT assessed ds and he scored on the 0.4 centile and she has recommended a social story!

That's interesting about the walking thing, and actually illustrates exactly what you are saying about him behaving differently depending on who he's with.

We're doing ABA with ds, and the topic of whether he always has to hold hands has come up. DP and I feel differently on this - we live in London, lots of busy roads etc, and I never feel safe with him not holding my hand, whereas DP doesn't make him do so. But our supervisor said actually that isn't the point - it's up to us what we do/don't allow him to do. What we're trying to teach (in his case) is that things aren't always the same but he isn't always in control and sometimes has to do as we ask. So if I ask him to hold my hand he should, but it's still up to whoever he's with whether he does or not.

Sorry, rambling post, but what I'm trying to say is, it's not up to anyone else to tell you whether you should be holding his hand or not - if you feel safer doing it then it's totally up to you (esp. as he is more likely to be unpredictable with you). It's no more controlling than any other aspect of parenting - would she say eg stopping him jump off 10 feet walls is not allowing him his independence?

Coming from ABA viewpoint there are things you can do to change his behaviour - but if you don't feel things are a problem it's not up to her to tell you they should be.

That's exactly my point Bialy. It is not up to them to tell me what we should allow or not. They tell me there is no reason why he should be unpredictable with me, he should be the same with everybody. That's what I am finding hard to accept, I don't think a NT child behaves the same way with everybody. They are certified board therapist, telling me I am not on board with them. If they tell me I am not doing something right, I should follow their advice. At the moment, they are telling me that I am questioning their professional judgment by not following their advice.