Rehoming the family dogs the only answer?

[eaglewings]

My ds aged 11 has AS (Aspergers) and has an increasing dislike to the 2 dogs we took on 3 years ago when they were 1 and 5. They are mother and daughter.

They have a life expectancy of 8 -10 years due to her breed and the eldest is already 8

On the weekend he started crying and told me that as he has only one childhood he can't understand why we are spoiling it be keeping the dogs that he hates.

He has expressed this before, but not so strongly. It was very strong this time.

He was very polite, but firm

wwyd?

I can't decide for you but just thought I would add we rehomed our family dog we had from a puppy due to my sons needs.
The type of breed was known for attacks on children. However our dog was so scared of my son, she used to sit shaking. He used to attack her, so we started keeping them apart, until I said this wasn't fair on the dog.
Mind we have missed her for years now and even my son has started to mention her name.
Hard decision, which I don't envy, we were heartbroken for weeks!!

To be honest, and I am not the parent of a child with AS, just a brain malformation, but I would be saying

"DS, I hear you. I understand that you don't like and that is OK. You don't have to do anything with them. BUT the dogs are part of our family, and just because we don't like someone/something, we can't simply 'get rid of' them/it. It isn't right and it isn't kind. So, you don't have to like them, and you don't have to stroke/feed/play/walk/clean up after them, but you do have to be civil and kind."

I think that is good training for the future, when there may well be people/siblings, etc., that he takes a dislike to. It isn't all about him.

Can't decide for you but I don't think others later in life will make such an accomodation for him so maybe will not help him long term if dogs go.

I'd go with lougle's plan for a while and see how it goes. But if I have problems with my lad, I try to unpick the whole conflict to identify specifically what the problem is.
Is your place big enough for them to avoid each other and be civil about it, or is everyone on top of one another?
Is it really the dogs that's bothering him, and why have things got worse over the 3 years?
What exactly is it that he finds difficult to tolerate about the dogs? Can you modify or change things at all to make it easier for all concerned?
He's facing living with one of them until he's 17, which probably feels like forever.

Oh lordy, are they Great Danes?

How difficult for you! I think I am with Lougle on this one tho. Provided your dogs are not hostile to DS and he doesnt harm them, in other words they pretty much ignore each other I would stick with the dogs. After all DS is not going to go through life with all his wishes/wants met. He will have to learn to accommodate the world, not the other way around! Thats the way life is and if he can understand that now in this more minor way it may make things easier in the long run.

Thank you for all your helpful comments. We are thinking hard about keeping them and talking him through it

I'd say it depends on how much for impacts on everyone involved (including the dogs)

We had to rehome our dog, had from a puppy, taken half way around the world with us, because dd1 developed an irrational phobia overnight.

We kept thrm apart as muchas possible, but since dd1 was so little, and so not at school, it meant I couldn't even take the dog for a walk. Dh had to, before and after work, and other than that the dog was just in our garden, away from us, as our house was small, and there was no way to keep dog and dd1 apart when inside.

So, for the good of all, following extensive tries at getting dd1 to accept the dog (who was exceptionally well behaved) we rehomed the dog.

We still miss her.