DS's birthday...what to do?

[genieinabottle]

Hi, in a few weeks DS will be 5.

Usually we just have a small party at home for him, with mil, sil, one of my friend and her DD who is same age as DS, and my mum if she happens to be visiting at the time.

This time i'm thinking of inviting more kids. The little boy 2 doors down from us, 2 or 3 children from DS's class, and my friend's DD as usual.

When questioned about friends at school, DS mentions "a boy and a girl"... but he can't tell me or doesn't know their names.
Do you think it is unreasonnable for me to ask the teacher to give me a couple of names of the children DS is closest to at school? so i can invite them to his b/day.

When DS was at nursery in the last few months there was a couple of kids he got on well with, the staff had told me. But when i asked who it was, they said they weren't allowed to say.

Then on the other hand, part of me isn't sure about inviting kids here as he may ignore them or have tantrums if they touch his things, and... i will feel because his differences will be highlited next to his nt peers.
DH tells me not be selfish and that i should invite them.

genie, does your DS get on well with your friend's DD? If he is, can you have a day out with the people you mentioned? Does your DS like parties? My DS only likes to blow candles and sing happy birthday, on his 5th birthday (he is 5.3) he did not have a clue that it was his birthday. It was heartbreaking as we had a party for him and he kept himself to himself most of the time and was getting all possessive over his toys and pushing other kids. They had a great time with DD, but couple of the mother's saw what he was like and thought he was a bad influence on their kids and therefore the kids are forbidden to come to our house!!!

We had a party when DD was 4...she didnt like it, singing/games too loud, too many people and everyone touched her stuff.

This year (in a few weeks) were having a swimming party, local pool lets you hire for 1 hour with toys and a lifeguard, up to 20 kids, then use viewing balcony for snacks and cake. Only inviting cousins and a few friends of the family. DD loves swimming so were hoping it will go ok. :)

TiredMofT, i 'm a bit fearful of the same happening if some of the mums wants to stay and see some of DS's behaviours...

He can cope with a small group i think. Probably will fleet between high levels of excitement and withdrawing to himself.
He likes the b/day cake, blowing candles and the presies thing, but has no idea that he will be 5 and what b/days are really all about. He will not anticipate his party neither. Even on the actual day, he will not be getting up with excitement because it's his b/day and he will have a party

He has been ok with my friend's DD in the past, but they have known each other since birth.
He may get very 'tantrumy' if some of the kids start touching his toys or his new presents though.

When he was invited to my friends' DD last b/day party in a hall with lots of kids, music and party games, he had a huge meltdown and we had to leave early, but i think it was sensory overload.

Hope it all goes well and you have a fab time for your DD's swimming pool party Wollytree.

the rule says - invite as many kids as the number of candles of the cake...So max 5. School should be able to tell you who are the girl and the boy, its very unreasonable that the nursery last year said they cant name the children, what a nonsense.

For my DS 4th birthday I asked the nursery staff to make me list of children he would love to have in his party and those he get on the most, guess what I had a list of 10 and 7 made it. DS had a great time!

I really hope it goes well.