I give up..flipping ex

[TheArsenicCupCake]

Ds2 has come back home with tonsilitis .. Not exs fault.. But he did nothing to relieve the pain in his throat.. Or give him some soup that he could actually swallow, ds didn't eat today because he couldn't swallow... Oh and the paternal grandparents offered him a strong coffee for his throat!

Talking of the paternal grandparents they also took it upon them selves to have a constant nag at him about living with them.. Where he won't have any problems.. !! Just when the poor kid was feeling bloody rotten!

So he has come home.. Had some calpol..and some soup because he was hungry.. Bounced and bounced and cried..had a warm bath ..( hasn't got clean or brushed his teeth all weekend.. Nor has ds1 .. Because. Ex doesn't have any hot water!)..and has just started to settle down a bit!

Urgh, how annoying. Men are quite thick sometimes aren't they.

Grandparents sound charming. Do they have some sort of anti-SN forcefield around their home?

Hope he settles down soon.

Ahhh the paternal grandparents.. well the boys are NOT supposed to be staying there as much as they do... They have been warned.. they have tried to obtain personal educational and medical confidetial info about my boys.. By pretending to be the father when k. The phone.. Ex is totally under their control and I and other professionals highly likely on the spectrum himself.

And no-one.. Not ss nor the family courts want to do anything about it.. And no one cares that there had been no hot water or the ds's come home stinking for years.. I on the otherhand HAVE to make them available for contact.
Seriously don't ask.. Well at least I have my boys back home..:)

Horrible to have to put them in that situation time and time again though. Especially when you are not expecting 5* service, just normal care.
Do you think they will choose to maintain contact and stay over when they are older?
My Dh ticks many boxes for a dx, but given a list he would stick to it and provide what I told him his children needed even if it didn't make sense to him.

Ds1 has already said he won't that often.. And he's nearly 16 now.. Ds2 depends on ds1 basically caring for him.. I don't know what he will do tbh.
The grandparents have told ds2 that he doesn't get a say in what he wants and the courts won't listen to him or believe him.. this has been tackled with ss and CAMHs and they have told ds2 this is not true.. And he does have a choice.

I would love to be able to give ex a list and him follow it.. But it's the grandparents who totally controll him and what happens there.

I just guess time will deal with it.

They sound toxic to be truthful.
If I were them and wanted to maintain contact I'd be trying to do things right so that when they had a choice, they'd choose me.
My DS adores his grandparents and pops round several times a week of his own accord.
My parents would be outraged on your behalf at their manipulative and horrible attitude.

Thank you goblin.. My parents find the whole thing so difficult and are completely outraged..
The best thing really is to provide a totally loving and supportive environment here..
Ds2 loves chicken grandad ( my dad).. And cake grandma ( my mum).. I still have to drop him off or they come and collect him.. But he loves old people pace... And digging and cakes..( disclaimer my folks are not actually that old.. Mum took early retiremnt and dad isn't old enough to retire yet lol).
Ds1 quite often jumps on the bus and goes there to help out with the veg and the chooks and he chops wood :)
ds2 isn't allowed to even look at the axe yet :o

but the other grandparents are really obnoxious.

My Dad was pretty crap at looking after us to TACC, I have two brothers from his second disasterous [sp] marriage 2 of us are not in contact at all, 1 sees him when he turns up at her house and 1 sees him when he needs money!! I think if he was a boy now he would get an ASD dx.
I am sure your boys will make the right choises when they are old enough but you are right you do have to make them available for contact until then. I can't imagine what you [or my mum] must go through everytime you pack them off, esspecially when emotional damage is being done by crap Grand parents too, wtf goes through their minds to speak to a child like that. .
I am sorry your boy has had a horrid weekend and hope he feels better tomorrow.

I'm delighted that your parents have a good relationship with your boys, that will prove that toxic GPs are the exception.

"But he loves old people pace"
How odd, so does mine. Loves working in a charity shop with older ladies, and various hobbies that attract the more 'ahem' mature members of society.
My parents are also the gardening, baking, shed dwelling types. At an unhurried pace.

Thanks indeed.. Just wish I could make it better for them.
Anyway I had a bit of a vent there.. I have told ds2 his is not going to school tomorrow..result .. Big smile... Told him he's off to the GP if his tonsils are still manky golf balls.... Not such a big smile lol..

Slightly bigger smile at " and on the way home we will go fetch some more honey " ( ds2 is winnie the pooh when given the chance!)

my mum called and is coming over to help me out as I do have to get a bit of work done :)

Goblin.. That is really odd.. I wonder how many of our quirky dc's prefer old people pace? .. Maybe it's that nothing is a suprise and you know where you are with a shed?..

LOL... Dd3 was not so keen on GP's pace, she only went for 2 days and nearly had grandad on his knees begging for his potting shed..

Mine is a serious lad who likes learning traditional skills and takes orders well. He has lovely manners, and round here old people tend to speak fairly slowly and clearly.

:o indeed!!

I used to rung a bath and boil the kettle on a sunday night ready to soak my dd's and get their smoky clothes (ex and gf smoke in hosue as there is a chimney and that makes it ok ) in the wash and give them a hot choccy to settle in bed

I can relate to no hot bath and tierd hugry chidlren feed up.

my dd had enough and doesn't go to the house, sees her dad but not at his home

Goblin.. That must be it.. Clear speach.. Not in a rush and happy to natter for hours.. Love to pass on information and skills and apprieciate it when our dc's listen and are polite.. ( because they have done sooooo much social skills training.. And like rules).

Ivy.. It's grim..:(
however I know that our issues will decrease when the GPs are nolonger with us.. Having said that I have no idea how ex will cope without them.

It's a horrible 'game' that seems to be played out a lot - with ex and grandparents like yours that won't end up as 'winners' if they carry on in this way. A good friend of mine did the handing over of her DS - complete with toothbrush, food, clothes and toilet roll - for many years. She kept her place as the haven where he could be who he wanted to be, no pressure. Now - her DS can't be bothered with his dad - or his dad's family - too much hassle and hard work. Loves his mum to bits though . I guess what i'm saying is hang on in there. Our DC know who love them unconditionally. they know who really have their best interests at heart. Children have built in bulls**t detectors.