The plight of SEN parents

[Claw3]

A couple of years ago i was totally oblivious to SN's and if anyone would have told me what SN's parent have to go through, i would never have believed them.

My parenting skills have been under the spotlight, more times than i care to remember.

I have been labelled over anxious, and a nuisance just for asking for help.

I have been accused of being a liar and mollycoddling ds by teachers.

I have been told by the very people who are supposed to be supporting me, ie professionals, to just give up as this is as good as it gets.

The more i have tried to get ds some help, the more I have been bullied by them too.

I have witnessed incompetence, neglect and how the 'system' crushes even those with the best intentions.

I would just to thank everyone on MN for listening to me, believing me, supporting me and advising me. Without the parents of the SN section, i would have been crushed some time ago.

I think you all deserve a medal for having to put up with what you do

I am having a sentimental 2 minutes before i get on with the hoovering!

I second that motion!

One day at a time Claw. No need for a medal, just send cash

If i win the lottery, i would gladly sent cash, until then you will have to make do with virtual medal im afraid

I know sentiment isnt the done thing on mn and probably makes a few cringe. But sod it, i am a bloody good mum and i work bloody hard at it too. I have decided to praise myself for a change, as no one else will

I am having 2 medals!

for Claw. If I win euromillions tonight will see you all ok. We are great mums cos we are doing our best (pats everyone on the back).

LOL@ musician on the titanic. I view you more as the mother hen of SEN

loflo, we are more than good mums, we are fantastic mums (and no i havent been drinking and now lurfffffing everyone!)

Bringing up my 3 'nt' sons was a total breeze, compared to this. All the stress that we have to endure, all the put downs, how much of our life is taken up with SN's and we still manage to stay strong and be a mum. That is an achievement in my book!

Although i dont think my sentiments could stretch to a group hug

I'm quite lucky in that I'm a teacher and therefore know the system. I don't feel particularly judged by the pro's I meet.

I do feel judged by other parents though - I must be a crap mum and teacher to have SN son. I guess they judge me twice - I s'pose it evens out then!

Claw... What I would love to know is what gives people the right to make us feel like we do, we are good parents fighting for our kids, we are not over anxious, lying nuisances. Only human beings looking for support and guidance and actually all we get is grief and put downs. I for one have started shouting louder lately and it has got me listened to. But this is not the way it should be.

Ineed2, exactly the more you ask for help, the bigger over anxious, lying, nuisance you become. The louder you shout, the more they want to shut you up and put you down.

All the while i went along with what they were saying or wanted it was written "mum is very helpful". The minute i started to question, i became over anxious!

Oh well, i think i would rather be an over anxious fantastic mum, than just a helpful one. Their loss

I agree Claw. If it wasn't for all the great advice given here how many children would still be struggling with inadequate provision? If I hadn't had the help I've had I would have lost the will to live by now - it's all such a battle for everything. Dealing with all the un professionals is a thankless task but we all carry on regardless. I think of the struggle as like a pantomine. We have to climb the SN beanstalk to try to reach the golden provision at the top. On the way having to meet characters such as Widow Wankey (the Senco), Idle Jack (the HT), Ali Baba (paed) and shirt Buttons (the La).

hugs>>

It shouldn;t be like this

but is really is

LOL@ fighting, oh no it isnt, oh yes it is!

Claw, your first post on this thread is exactly what I was saying to my dh last night.

After spending two hours with an absolutely lovely Ed Psych yesterday morning, discussing our 'journey' with ds1 so far, I was stunned to silence (only for a moment though ) when out of the blue she acknowledged what a complete balls up the school has made of everything, how they have ignored us and as a result let ds down consistently over the past 5 + years, how the only reason my ds is getting any help and support now is because I have made it happen and how she is now more than willing going to go and add her boot to the one/two of mine which has/have recently been kicking their useless behinds into touch.

Unfortunately she then went on to say that things are unlikely to change, I will probably always have to fight for ds and she sees it time and again with almost every child and their parents that she is involved with. She said that I am right, the school was/is obstructive and it would appear does see me as a huge thorn in their backside side, but that I was doing the right thing, doing it well and shouldn't be afraid of keeping up the pace.

It made such a pleasant change to find a professional that could actually see it from my/our point of view, wanted to help and acknowledged the great big invisible barriers that we have to knock down just to get our children the help and support they desperately need and whats more are entitled to.

It was a bitter sweet conversation, which made me feel both better and worse all at the same time.