Child bullied, parent puts in official complaint, SS called in...

[Vallhala]

... how un usual is this?

My long story is on here already - I have a 13yo DD who I suspect has SEN (just applied for statutory assessment). She has behavioural issues, is socially very immature, can't cope with criticism, was terribly bullied in her former school, which she left when we moved house in March. The bullying was largely unaddressed, as was her writing speed and spelling, despite me asking continually for the school to act. I asked so often, between Feb 09 and Dec 09, that the Head rollocked me for excessive questions... but these weren't answered, which is why I kept on and on!

I've just got Data Protection docs from the LA and discovered that SS meeting was held just after she left, arranged by the head of this fucking useless school. Apparently my DDs are now being monitored. I am, as a parent, not nurturing or provideing my DDs with a stimulating environment.

Accusations include that we have no extended family for support (we do and the kids have regular visits from them, stay with family in hols, get spoilt rotten, keep in touch by phone and email), that we were moving due to rent arrears or eviction - when in fact the landlord was selling up and my rent paid in full and eviction was certainly not the case, that I don't approve of or like shitty standard comprehensive state education, the National Curriculum or SATS and have "influenced" my DDs wrt this. Damn right I don't like it and my kids are brought up to be politically aware and not yes-women! Surely that's MY right as a parent... far more so than the HTs who influenced other people's DC with their politics when they boycotted SATs??!!

Apparently I don't attend school functions either... don't know who the hell was running the card stall at their fete then. When I haven't been able go owing to lack of transport, ill health, limited ticket availability etc, then the DDs granparents invariably attend when they can, and they can and have done so on about 98% of these occasions.

Those'll be part of the extended family that apparently my DDs don't have for support....

Other accusations are equally inaccurate, one sided and dodgy.

I'm interested to know if anyone else has been subjected to this sort of stuff having had their SEN/potentially SEN DC let down/bullied by and in a school and therefore kicked up a fuss about it and pissed them off by putting in a complaint.

Am I right that Starlight is one such parent? (Sorry if I'm wrong Starlight).

Next question, what do I do? I want to fire off a long, angry and sarky response and have that on file to challenge the rubbish which has been written about me and my DDs (including the bit about HTs thinking that SATs are crap too!) but guess that's unwise.

starlight and me have both had ss sticking their noses in nearly gave me a breakdown even though by end of it there was no issues but do know that proffesionals seem to keep beady eye on us i went to drs for problem with my hip Hv phoned the ss departement sw children with disablities team called 5 days later i wa sliek ye stheres been problem im in fecking hospital nope hv offered no support yes were coping my mums looking after kids ,

She was like will phone you on Friday check how you are lol no call but with her did seem genuine se eif could help but fecking hv stuck beak in and informed them yet no decentley see how coping

ME!!

my DC's last primary school, which we left a year past in June, did something similar..

DS has issues with soiling, which now I know is related to his SN, also has sleep issues etc.

School reported me to SS alleging neglect. At the time i was studying full time and my DC's went to an out of school club where they had breakfast and Tea as well as having a school dinner, they then had another tea and supper before bed - school claimed i was not feeding my children. they also said they smelled (DS does sometimes have a whiff about him when soiling rears its head - logic would tell you that a child that soils would smell of poo?)
they also alleged that i wasnt meeting thier needs as my eldest son (14 at the time) would collect them one evening from OOS club (at the end of the street) as my last lecture finished the same time the club closed - i was home within 45 mins.

unfortunately SS seemed to take the attitude that as the report came from a school it must be true, after all schools are infallible arent they? this was the same SS who told me the children were being placed in a dangerous situation as thier scooters were on the front path they could trip over them!

i moved away less than 6 months later, when we did, the school called our new school (using details gleaned from a confidential form) to try and start us off on a bad footing, fortunately the Head listened to our side of the story! they also threatened to report me as keeping the children off school unathorised during the 2 weeks we waited for the local LEA to allocate school placed through thier central admission office..

not surprisingly the school they attend now has no issues with the care i give them...

"they also threatened to report me as keeping the children off school unathorised during the 2 weeks we waited for the local LEA to allocate school placed through thier central admission office.."

That was brought up in the report on my DDs too!

Knowing we were going to move and the kids were going to go to a new school anyway and how unhappy DD2 was cos of the bullying I pulled DD2 out following her having a meltdown, 3 weeks before Easter hols. DD1 left the same school at the end of the term. We moved over the holiday and then had an extended wait to get them into the new catchment school owing to not just the holiday period but also the fact that the HT and office manager (and keyholder to cupboard with all relevent forms and info) of the new school were both stuck abroad thanks to the volcanic ash problem.

Both DDs were in the new school AS SOON as was humanly possible. meantime I ws pushing them, the LA and school, to get the girls in.

According to this report I have denied the DDs an education.

Worse still, I have HE'd in the past.

And moved too many times.

Perhaps I should have sent them to shit schools and one where they were being assaulted by a parent. Perhaps I sholdn't have moved but stayed in a village with no support after family left it, 250 miles from "home", where I was threatened with being stabbed by my ASBO-holding neighbour and DD2, who witnessed this, was PETRIFIED.

Perhaps I should have told my last Landlord thaat I was refusing to move although he wanted to exercise his legal right to sell his house. Yes, i can see now, a court case and baliffs and the police at the door to physically remove us would have been SO much more beneficial and nurturing for my children.

Sorry to rant, I'm just absolutely fucking fuming!

Dd's headteacher repeatedly tried to get SS involved and tried to present dd's poor attendance (chronic pain) as due to poor parenting. The last time he called them to a big meeting just before he retired. SS came and sat and glared at him throughout the meeting, then told him straightaway that this was clearly a medical issue and therefore beyond their remit. And went straight back to write the letter of discharge.

And this wasn't the first time they made it clear that they were prepared to listen to us rather than the school. Bless them!

* I should have added that I pulled DD2 out of the crap school 3 weeks before the end of term and* informed them that I was going to HE her, which I did until she got a place at the new school.

My DS moved schools, and i didn't really think anything of it until summer holidays when at an SN club a member of staff asked if it was my DS that had moved school. When i said yes, she said that she knew it was me when she'd heard about it. don't know whether to be pleased or not. don't think SS involved - but obviously we are all being talked about behind our backs - all us meddlesome parents!

If a parent makes a complaint to the school ( or goes over the heads of the school and complains to the LEA ) then there is a tendency for the school and teachers to try to turn the blame onto the Parents. Teachers will tell lies to wriggle out of being blamed for being cruel to Special Needs Children.

Lol - Thickos with power is about right atm!

Yep that sounds about right I now don't tell them what we do out of school keep it very vague

"Apparently I don't attend school functions either"

Since when the bloody hell was that an issue for social services? I'd be complaining about that alone!

I have no idea, Bullet!

Another gem... "Mother is employed but it is unclear what her job is".

That settles it, I'm obviously on the game and a moral and criminal reprobate. (Note mother could not possibly have a profession, merely a lowly "job").

Happened to me too.. As soon as I made an official complaint about the school. I was accused of pysical abuse ( it didn't happen and there were no marks where they said).. And neglect.
They then blamed ds2 for making the accusations against me.
I can't say too much about it .. But it happens that I have a very strong case to sue.. Which I am doing!
( ds2 was seriously hurt at school and the school admitted they were at fault.. On signed paper!.. But we are also siding for the emotional side of what that and other things caused ds2).
accusations coninued until they recieved the solicitors letter.

that's all really scary

Yep see we will always have ss involvent as ds because of his disablites has sw from childrens with disablity team as well as ss it who provides stuff needed at home , par for course done automaticaly .But do I trust them no will I ever ask for anything not if I can help it

If we make a complaint they tell lies and say that we were unco-operative.

Thank you all - I feel a little less alone now.

I'm still fuming though!

I've decided that when... IF... DD2 goes to the school which the LA are in the process of selecting for her (i.e. if she and I don't opt for HE instead), I shall take a copy of this sodding report to the new Head and say, right, this is rollocks, so is this, so is this... and leave him with a corrected version.

If nobody likes it, tough, I'm fed up with lies, deceit and subterfuge on the part of schools and LA!