Is never saying Hello or Goodbye an ASD thing ??

[Ineed2]

I am trying to make some notes for our next appointment and after talking with my sister yesterday have realised that Dd3 never says hello or goodbye with out prompting. If we meet someone she knows, she may occasionally give a little wave, but she usually just stands looking at them until I say , say hello to so and so.
Its the same when leaving somewhere or someone leaving our house, if she has been to a friends to play she just walks out when I get there, which can be embarrassing. And when people come to our house she just walks off and refuses to say goodbye.
Is she being rude or is it another of the social rules that she is missing???
Any advice would be usful. Thanx

Ds is nearly 12 and he still needs reminders about this. Not for the want of trying either

I don't know, it might be a social rule thing - if I say to ds1 "We are going now" ^without" adding "So say goodbye" - he'll just put his coat on and walk out of the door without waiting for me or saying a word!

ds2 hfa/adhd is 9 and it's a real joy if he says hello or goodbye because most of the time he can't be bothered - I just think he perceives it as illogical and pointless!

Oh yes, we're often notorious for not saying hi or bye. Trouble is, when you walk into somewhere, you're hit by that avalanche of sensory stuff. And that's the same point where people start whizzing towards you with their arms outstretched and their lips puckered for a social kiss and expect you to know Just The Right Thing To Say and make that fantastic eye contact.

So much easier to just arrive and start talking.

Leaving's the same - so much easier to just nip out rather than have to do the whole arm-waving, social nicety remembering stuff when we're already cream-crackered. It's a way to save energy so we can survive the event without shutting down/melting down. It's also so weird to have to say "And how are you?" and the person always always says "fine thanks - how are you?" and you're supposed to say "fine thanks" back. Even if you're not. What IS the point of this way of basically lying to others when you meet them? Can someone explain it?

Best one for me was a cousin of ours on the autism spectrum: Hadn't seen her for five years. She walked in, didn't look at either of us, and said "I need help with this crossword clue". Brilliant! Straight into solving the crossword puzzle. Exactly right for us. Bloomin' alarming for the rest of the world

I have struggled to get DS2 (8) to say hello and goodbye right from the moment he could talk. He is NT

Not sure. DD1 either doesn't say it without prompting, or says it inappropriately and repeatedly until she is answered

Oh Amberlight :) I was just Reading out your post to dh and ds2 sat there and totally agreed with you!.. He doesn't get the whole thing either.. And you just made my boy not feel quite so alone in his world :)
thank you

DD1 (9, with AS) doesn't say hello or goodbye without prompting either.
Sometimes, she doesn't realise when someone is saying it to her, either, and will basically ignore them.

It's another thing on my 'TO DO' list.

Yes it is

DS has never said either. Sometimes he's quite pleased to see me when I pick him up from pre-school and jumps up and down but usually he completely blanks me.

Won't do it even with prompting, I sometimes think he just doesn't see the point.

According to a relative it isn't an ASD thing "he just ain't got no manners"

Aahhh thanx guys, you lot almost made me cry, I am soo glad to have found you. I often wonder if I am doing the right thing trying to get a dx for Dd3 but since I have been coming here and found so many people with similar issues to us I know I am doing the right thing.
I can't possible thank you all before Waterloo road comes on [I watch it with Dd2, its our mum daughter thing along with Guides].
But will be back later to see if there is any more brilliant help and advice.

Come to think of it she never says it to me at school either, She smiles or frowns as she walks down the path on her way out depending on what kind of a day she's had, we don't generally talk until about half way home.
In the mornings she hangs on to me or her dad for as long as she can and the just walks off to the line, we get a kiss if we pinch one.
I feel a bit bad now that I have never really noticed this.

Only my 3 year old DS says hello and goodbye - very loudly. Both my SN and NT DS don't bother. Both launch into whatever they're thinking. NTDS amuses the life out of me. He will sit next to a random person on the bus and say things like - Are you going to buy food? - to a sulky looking hoody with his college pass round his neck,1 stop from the college. SNDS talks too - but doesn't actually want a reply - just to talk at them. If they do reply, it causes him to have to repeat what he has said so he can continue with the conversation. The older ladies on the bus love 'em to bits. I think they just like children to talk to them!

My guy is 13 now.. still doesn't say hi or goodbye (and when his sister left for Uni for the first time this month she had to call him to her to acknowledge that she was going!). It just doesn't feature in his thinking.

Mind you, at least he has improved a bit. Not so long ago, when anyone arrived at our house, he would instantly ask 'when are you going home?'!!! He wasn't being rude..he NEEDED to know to be less anxious, but the MIL never quite grasped this....

Don't feel bad. When ds1 is at his dad's, he answers my phone calls with "I'm going to be on level three soon, I need 4 more sunflowers" or "I came 5th but Ds2 came 7th" or "it's really sticking to me where I spilt it".

No "hello" or "how are you"

I thought all kids were like that until I had ds2 who, at 4 years old (three years younger) regularly astounds me with such social niceties of "What are you doing at work, though?" and "Where are you?" and "Hello. I've found my Sonic toy that I left here."

You know ... relevant things that I never noticed were not coming from Ds1!

I'd never thought about it but none of my three say hello or goodbye...

my daughter doesnt say hello or goodbye without prompting.

i also find this difficult.
im fine in my own home when people are coming and going but i have difficultys with this in other places.

[say]like i was at some kind of gathering-
when i leave-im not sure exactly who im supposed to be saying goodbye to-
so i either yell out goodbye to everyone-
or just walk out.

or-when i go down the school and im sitting there waiting
and i see the head sitting there writing away
im never sure whether i should say hello
this makes me feel awkward[cos i dont know what to do]so i go and stand somewhere and pretend im looking at the work on the walls.

Ds doesnt do social niceties, he rarely says hello or goodbye without prompting.

In fact outside of the home, he would sit in total silence not bothering to engage with anyone, unless prompted.

or at other times, he can walk into a room of total strangers and hug someone's legs or demand randomly "do you want to know how old my dog is" and keep repeating the question until he is happy with the answer.

When asked a question, he will reply with what he wants to talk about, rather than answering the question. If you are talking to him and it doesnt interest him, he will just walk away!

He would follow his own social agenga most of the time.

Claw, sounds JUST like DS1.

Random Man - "Hello little boy, how are you today?"

Ds1 - "Do you want to know how big my feet are? I'm a 13 H!"

Randome man - "Errrr... Okay, that's nice!"

ds1 - "On plants versus zombies, I got to level eight."

Random Man - "??????????"

My dd doesn't say it even when prompted. She will just leave or arrive. Makes no eye contact at all either. Thank you is also a problem.

That sounds about right Colditz!

SALT to ds "do you have friends in school"

Ds "do you want to know how old my dog is"

SALT "how old is your dog? i have a dog too"

ds "he is 6, just like me"

SALT "i have a dog and he is brown"

ds "do you want to know how old my dog is"

SALT "he is 6"

ds "do you want to know how old my dog is"

SALT "you told me he was 6"

ds "do you want to know how old dog is"

SALT "how old is your dog"

ds "he is 6 just like me"

and so on and on and on and on and on! When ds wants to talk about how old his dog is, he wants to talk about it!!

I have to laugh, at other times he almost uses sarcasm, as if he knows you are just humouring him.

ds "do you want to know how old my dog is"

me "how old"

ds "he is 6, just like me"

me "you can celebrate your birthdays on the same day"

ds "do you want to how old my dog is"

me "how old"

ds "i already told you"

Cheeky monkey!

When Dd3 was younger she used to,launch into telling anyyone our life story, her name 2 sisters names and ages my name, dads name, it would go on and on untile she had finished, If I tried to drag her awy she would go mad. Its funny now she doesn't do it any more..