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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

I have to go on a course so I know how to 'deal' with parents of children with additional needs

47 replies

KatyMac · 04/10/2010 21:13

........I didn't realise people like me were something I had to learn to deal with

& if I don't attend the course I won't be allowed to go on the site with a special 'logo' which says I am capable to 'dealing' with children with additional needs

I think I feel insulted but I'm not entirely sure why HmmConfusedSad

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 04/10/2010 23:31

And of course all parents of children with sn are the same too.
Thank Lougle, I'll take my grumpy face off now.
I was beginning to feel I was speaking Venusian or something.

KatyMac · 05/10/2010 07:10

I hope I don't come across as 'knowing everything' but after attending a course where I was told that 'Early Support' & the 'Family Folder' made everything wonderful (for every family) & that I wouldn't be 'allowed' to offer care to 'disabled children' (not even the ones I already have) unless I went on a course to learn how to 'deal with parent of disabled children' I really felt very Hmm & Confused

I also accept that it was probably a misunderstanding on my part but I really felt 'I' (& parents like me) were being put in a box and examined like a rare & unusual insect, because we couldn't just be talked to like any other 'parent'

I also thought the whole thing rather funny & thought this topic would too

Sorry I misjudged

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 05/10/2010 07:36

'I also thought the whole thing rather funny & thought this topic would too'

KatyMac, I read through all your posts very carefully. No smilies, no levity, you just seemed insulted and irritated by the whole idea.

justaboutawinegumoholic · 05/10/2010 07:58

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justaboutawinegumoholic · 05/10/2010 08:12

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londongirl4 · 05/10/2010 08:46

I'd quite like to send my child's teacher on this course!!! ;)

bigcar · 05/10/2010 10:13

I can see why you feel like that katy. From your post it would seem that it's also about getting another shiney new logo which is always a bit Hmm

it depends on what the course covers, you have to come back and tell us! If it's just the basic stuff such as, if parents raise concerns don't say well I've had loads of children do that and they're all normal, type thing, then that's not such a bad thing is it Smile

But like all our children are different, so are we as their parents and I think it would be very hard to generalise without managing to offend someone.

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/10/2010 15:03

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Lougle · 05/10/2010 18:45

Perhaps this is an example of how the written word doesn't always manage to convey the true essence of a dialogue. I must admit that I agree in general with Goblinchild, that I didn't read any humour in the OP. I read irritation and scepticism, then later, an impression that 'SN parents' were being lumped together needlessly.

My take on it is that at least this LA is trying to make sure that we as parents are catered for, and that we can identify easily childminders who have extra knowledge of the field.

It's a bit like the promotion of racial equality, isn't it? In an ideal world, we would be able to say 'well black/asian/chinese/indian/pakistani people aren't any different in my eyes, so I'll treat them just the same as the white british/american/canadian people I deal with'. Unfortunately, society has dealt so badly with those people groups in the past, that to get any sort of equality, there are times when they have to make specific efforts to reach out to them, and redress the balance by positive action.

I see this sort of course as the same thing. Ideally, you could say 'I treat all parents of children with SN as I do parents of children without SN', but the reality, is that it is different, we do have different needs, and we do have additional needs.

We make assumptions, all of us every day. We start thinking that what we see on a regular basis is always so, and can act out of reflex, rather than conscious thought. A prime example, of which I will always carry regret and shame, is when I was nursing, before I was pregnant with DD1.

I was a recovery nurse, and we dealt with neurosurgery. The team operated on a young person (please forgive vague terms, confidentiality) and we received them into the unit. I phoned the ward the YP came from to inform them that the YP was out of surgery. I gave my usual blurb. Not because it was old to me, but because generally speaking, there are certain things that are signs of a positive outcome, and you tend to get a 'patter' of language. I reeled off the good news, blah, blah. But then the nurse the other side, repeated one thing I said, and said 'are you sure'? That's fantastic!! I had, in my 'patter' referred to a vital reflex, that is almost always present in a living, breathing, individual, and absence of it is almost always (with notable exceptions) an indicator of death. This YP was one of those 'notable exceptions' and I had said that the reflex was present. It wasn't. It hadn't been before surgery, and wasn't likely to be for quite some time, if ever, in the future.

If there was a hole, I would have jumped. Even now, the feeling is quite overwhelming that in my carelessness, I flooded a family with hope, and then stripped it away, all in a matter of seconds. Much worse than if I hadn't said it in the first place. A mistake.

I suppose what I am saying is that no matter how experienced, how many parents one may have dealt with in the past with SN, how wonderful a carer of children may be, the children and parents are individuals, who may need a different approach from all the others. If you can gleam one tiny little thing from the course, I think that will be a good thing. Even if it is a 'waste' of 5-6 hours, you will be able to enlighten a less experienced carer on the course.

KatyMac · 05/10/2010 21:13

I agree about the written word coming across badly

r3dh3d, I think, read it exactly how I thought I have written it & tbh I thought Justa & SanctiMoanyArse had too

Written without facial expressions and hand gestures often 'misses' completely & tbh it's why I try to get parents to come to meet me rather than talking by email or on the phone. If I do have to email I read/check/rewrite several times to try & get the meaning right.

Which of course I don't on MN

The only bit I object to (rather a lot) is the idea that only specially 'trained' childcarers can look after children with additional needs because I think childcare is hard enough for families to find & reducing the number of them in any way is bad

Sorry if I offended

OP posts:
BialystockandBloom · 05/10/2010 21:48

I have to agree with justa on this - I also did see the slightly ironic tone in the OP.

Tbh I think that sensitive/non-patronising/intelligent treatment one receives from any hcp (whether about us or our children) is almost wholly dependant on the personality of the individual hcp. Some people just 'get' how to talk to parents of children with sn, some just don't. A lot of it is a sort of bedside manner which you can't teach.

It's a very tricky thing though - as a pp (lougle?) said, just as our dc are different, so are we as parents. I think the only thing that would satisfy us all is simply dealing with a hcp who we felt actually cared about our dc enough to fulfil (to the best of their abilities) every part of their role in caring or supporting them.

Lougle · 05/10/2010 22:06

Katymac, you didn't offend me Smile, but the wider issue is one I grapple with. I think that it is great that you are being offered the course. I can see that it is less attractive if you have to go on the course before you can care for children that have SN. But if it protects families from well-meaning but ill-informed carers, I think it is a good thing.

Mumi · 05/10/2010 23:59

Oh please do report back! Would be intrigued to hear how that all slots in with the new Equality Act.

I can see the logic in this course but unfortunately I expect a lot of professionals will use it to interpret "in denial or into some weird solution" as "anything we can't be bothered with trying/funding if we don't have to".

As for it helping avoid being impatient with parents, if anything I'd rather they were then at least I'd know where I stand. The silence and exchanged Hmms only wind me up more.

(as you can see, if you need a case study for this course, I'm your girl Grin )

LucindaCarlisle · 06/10/2010 10:09

So many teachers do not understand some medical conditions. Many teachers do not understand Anxiety conditions ( ADHD OCD etc etc) Surely it is good that teachers are getting courses to try to inject some "empathy" into them

KatyMac · 06/10/2010 10:53

This is designed for childminders only

OP posts:
willowthecat · 06/10/2010 10:56

I really would like to know how the 'denial' concept is taught. I fully accept that some parents esp. at outset may have unrealistic expectations but I think it has become a pre set narrative for some professionals who simply apply it universally, and don't even stop to think if it really applies or not. I think it would help everyone if professionals were able to distinguish the occasional case (because I don't think it is that common) of a parent being off the track of reality and the more usual case where a parent wants a better education than is currently available.

KatyMac · 22/01/2011 17:11

Re-visiting this with a lot of hind-sight on the course

Those who have empathy & manners & care will already do everything suggested on the course (finance pending)

Those who haven't wouldn't have learnt it on the course, they would simply have a different 'script' to read from & complain about

"imo" - obviously

OP posts:
lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 22/01/2011 17:44

I had to do loads of these type of course in my old job in SS :(
They weren't often helpful and always thought they were trying to tell me how to suck eggs and how to do things that came natural to me. And they were BUT it isn't something that comes natural to us all sadly so hopefully those might learn something but dont really think they did, just gave them a chance to moan about parents :(

StartingAfresh · 22/01/2011 18:16

Don't worry Katy. Think of it as useful tools with which to use against them if you need to, and to empower parents that you advise.

I 'hope' that dealing with parents is about giving them respect, understanding that they've been through quite enough shit without wasting their time, that you all need to focus on outcomes rather than go round in circles, that you should point them in the direction of the Code of Practice etc.

Who knows, it could be?

mstifi · 22/01/2011 23:11

As someone who runs courses on a similar subject eeek... i am slightly worried from reading these posts. I am curious what course it is that you are talking about. It's not the one i deliver that's for sure.

I have two parents on my next course and even so always include the parents perspective by inviting parents to help deliver.
so any advice would be great!

gilly3 · 22/01/2011 23:14

for what its worth ,i would say that each parent of a child with special needs ,is on their own unique journey,and wether they have odd ideas about how to help their child,or not, it takes kindness,care and compassion,and a good listening ear.maybe that only comes with experience,however it may be presented,if it makes you more able to support then its got to be worth a go with an open mind.from a mum who you need to be taught how to speak to.Smile

unpa1dcar3r · 23/01/2011 12:45

Hi Katy
I find this a bit strange but unsurprising really. I would say only one thing you need to know when 'dealing' with SEN parents; Listen to them cos they know the child/ren much better than anyone else and often we are not listened to and disregarded.

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