pet died-what to say?

[ligerliger]

My DS is being investigated for ASD/ADHD. Lots of issues related to school affecting him. Life is very difficult for him at the moment.
We bought 2 budgies a few months ago. When we went on holiday we left them with a place that minds various animals. When they came back they weren't the same. One of them in particular was really quiet and sad looking. Took him to the avian vet who said it was an infection probably caught while we were on our holidays, gave us meds and he is a bit better but not back to his old self. The other budgie seemed fine. But last night she was on the floor of the cage and she died in the night. Apparently budgies hide illness as they are prey animals so she was probably infected as well.

Anyway ds is at a sleepover and doesn't know. I am tempted to get another budgie who looks like the other one and not tell him as he will be absolutely devastated. What would you do?
I will get another budgie anyway btw as the remaining budgie is so sad without his friend.
There are all sorts of issues that I am worried about if he knows she died while he wasn't here IYSWIM. He barely leaves the house at the moment as it is. Added to that his one and only friend goes into hospital for a period of time tomorrow so he may stress about that more as well.

How old is he? You are going to come up against this issue at some point, but I can see that it is not exactly the ideal time right now.

What does he know about death already?

When one of our cats died when dd was about 18months old we told her he'd turned into star dust and if she looked carefully at night she'd see him twinkling at her. That satisfied her for quite a long time. It has the added attraction of being almost true anyway - we do all come from star dust and eventually we will all become star dust again, or space dust, or something like it. The keyword being 'eventually' of course.

In general I think it's better to be up front and honest about the death of pets because it teaches children skills which will help them deal with other bereavements later on.

I do have to say though I see exactly where you're coming from and I'd be thinking the same as you at a time like this.

The thing which would worry me about trying to cover it up is if my DD1 discovered what we'd done she'd never trust us again. She has AS.

Can you guarantee that you wouldn't get found out? If not you may be better to get the new bird so it's there when he gets home but come clean about the other one dying.

This is a hard one but sometimes children surprise us by taking news like this in their stride when we think they'll be devastated.

thanks
have found a new bird from a local breeder already which I can pick up later
Can't really put them in together at the moment anyway - I'm going to take the sickly one back to the vets first to get checked out again. Don't want to run the risk of infecting the new one. So he'll probably suss it out anyway.

Ligerliger, ds is also very attached to our dog and he would devastated too.

I recently lied to ds about going for a blood test, he has a needle phobia, i knew if i told him, he would get anxious and upset. I didnt tell him for what i thought was the greater good and all that.

He was more devastated and upset that i lied to him. Trust is a real big thing especially when you have ASD.

Personally i would tell him and then replace the pet, if he was very attached to it.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

thanks
have decided to do it half and half
will tell him the bird is at the vets when he gets back. Then will tell him she died in a few days. Don't want to get a new bird without seeing a vet, as I'm worried the other bird is still infected. Can't see a vet today as budgies have to see an avian vet for specialist advice. Will have to wait till the avain vet is next in the practice - hopefully Monday.

Fingers crossed that it all goes ok without too much trauma.

thanks

good luck,