I lost it with the teacher at parents evening!!

[Ineed2]

Ok guys I think we all knew this was coming I won't bore you with all the gory details but it turns out that the HT had given the teacher all Dd3's paprework to read but she obviously felt that she knew more about my child than I do.
I told her a few things that Dd3 has said or done over the last couple of weeks, such as rubbing the skin off her face with her cardigan, and trying to get sent home sick by complaining of stomach pains. Well apparently lots of children do this and she doesn't see any of the problems mentioned in pead or salt reports. I could feel myself going and said, " I have heard enough, you are obviously not going to listen to me, so I will continue this conversation with the HT", which I did.
Holy s..t I have not felt sooo angry for a long time and worse, one of the teachers who taught both my other girls was sitting right next to her listening because he had no parent with him.
Am totally drained and am going to bed, will tell you all what the HT said tomorrow.

I'm on your behalf! and i wish i have the guts to speak up at our parents' evening. Good on you for speaking your mind up!

It would seem for us too, that teacher doesn't see any of the difficulties and issues mentioned in all the reports from professionals.
We are having to bear the fallout every day when DS gets home from school, where he has obviously been trying hard all day.
I wrote a note in his school communication book about the 2 hours tantrum he had yestreday... and teacher wrote back many parents report irritability at home after a school day, it's due to tiredness, not to any difficulties in school.

seems like school are not hearing us.

Gahhhh :(

( for future reference.. The line " you are seeing x issues, your just not recognising them" along with " well your just not recognising what the medical proffessional are.. Would it be helpful to you if they contacted you regarding the prsentation of issues ? "

I only pull it out when really needed!)

Oh and " yes.. I know how hard it is to recognise the subtle signs.. I missed a lot of them before I knew much about it"

:) big hugs

TheACC, i hope you won't mind me pinching your lines!
It looks like i'm going to need them soon...

And the flattery: dc tries exceptionally hard in your classes, so you may not see all of the problems noted by prev teachers. You have a very structured classroom which is very helpful to dc, maybe this is what is masking their difficulties this year. Yes, dc always does much better with teachers who are clear and consistent, so s/he can now delay the anxiety reactions previously present during the school day.

(in all fairness much of this seems to be absolutely true so far wrt ds's current teacher, tho I'd say it anyway if need be)

Unbelieveable. So sorry for you. I think the class teacher is absolutely crucial. I worry about this too. This year's teacher is great, but worry about who my dd may end up with next year. Hope you got a better response from HT.

Ooh Ineed2 good for you! I am at this stage and am writing letter to Senco requesting meeting. Ds has gone badly downhill this year and I'm going to ask them what's changed. They always used to be supportive but since dh had words with Senco about our frustrations and she got 'very upset' there are daily issues with ds coming home in distress.
Arsenic - you have good advice (as usual). Am liking the bit about the 'subtle signs' as EP this week said about his subtle differences.

Ineed2, I hope the HT was more helpful.

So frustrating.
When DD3 was in primary I was told after the first 2 weeks in year 4 by the teacher that she had no problems, so when I asked if she had read her massive file of reports etc she told me that she had not even seen it. Then when I blew my top she owned up to having it, but it was too thick a file for her to read through as she had 24 other children to cater for. (none of whom had any special needs) I totally embarrassed myself by blowing my top with the teacher, but when I had calmed down I recognised that it was HER that had looking like the incompetent person that she was. Hold your head up high. If you dont stand up for your child, who will!!

Arsenic - I love your lines. Will be trotting them out at some stage I fear :)

Ineed - not sure what to say. Loosing it with the teacher is something I did lots of times last year - as was complaining to the HT. Unfortunately neither helped. And the HT always backed her incompetent staff.
So, hope you have better luck than I did :)

Thanx guys at least you all know what I am talking about, the HT was initially more helpful and seemed concerned that Dd3 is stressed, but then today when I went back to meet with her again she just kept saying the same old thing, that they don't see any issues in school. I tried to explain to her that they are missing Dd3's stress warning signs such as lip biting, rubbing her face, throat clearing. So I did do what Arsenic suggested in a way. HT said we need to have another meeting because she is getting conflicting information from different proffessionals, whatever that means. The last time the pead spoke to her she [the pead] hadn't even read the SALT report. Fgs Why does it have to be soo hard. Dd3 is soo uptight, I feel like I am going to be pushed into moveing her..

Sorry that this still hasn't been sorted. I have told school that Ds has acute anxiety and sensory issues but HT keeps shouting at him! I am going to request a meeting too to see why they don't understand his needs. Will no doubt end up falling out with them,which I don't want, but am not prepared for ds to suffer because they can't be arsed to support his needs.

That is how I feel too, I just think that because she keeps her head down and is doing well academically that they can't even be bothered to read the reports properly, the teacher just kept saying "lots of children do that" over and over again. Like a demented robot.
Today while I was meeting with the HT Dd3 was in the dinner hall and a dinner lady blew a whistle to get the children to be quiet, I have previously mentioned how distressing Dd3 finds this and have been told that it doesn't happen anymore!!

Ok... they are definatly taken the mick now, after having spoken to the teacher last night about homework and DD3 being frightened of her. Dd3 has just said she HAS too do both lots of homework from last week and this week. She is trying to do it now and is in a panic.
I have told her to only do this weeks , which she can do with a calculator because it is solving word problems.
GRRRR.

Indeed.. HT has conflicting reports because she very likey does not understand asd .. Assumes ( like many teachers/ ht do) she knows everything be ause she is an educator. ( sorry to the good guys out there).

Tell her another meeting would be great .. As it is very important to you that your dd does not end up under any further distress.

But take in parent partnership to the meeting.. ( I was able to take in our behavioural therapist because it was very relevant.. If you have someone like this it would be fantastic.)
bullet point a sheet of what you want.. ( and point out that knowledge and understanding is free and making reasonable adjustment for your dd is part of their duty of care).
Don't be led away from your points.. Make a statement.. Dd puts her hands over her ears when whistles are blown, this is due to having sensory issues.. I was under the impression the whistles had stopped being used..this is not the case and is causing distress to dd.. can you make sure she isn't put in this position again as it causes great distress.

Etc etc

Thanx TACC.. I did say I would welcome another meeting, I think you are right about taking Parent partnership, the lady I spoke to the other day was v.helpful. I have read sooo much stuff about children being able to hold it together at school and then exploding at home but I am just unable to make them understand that school is the main contributing factor to her stress. I have just read the link that wooly put on another thread about asd children in school and most of it could have been written about Dd3, things like is unable to wear certain fabrics, hating loud noises, rubbish at social rules, controlling in groups loads of it.
We have been assigned another pead, I have to ring his secretary on monday because we haven't been sent an new appointment and she needs to be seen now.
I just don't think I am going to win with this school without a dx for Dd3.
And anyway she is getting more and more challenging so I am going to push for a dx asap.
What I am so sick of is people saying "oh lots of children do that", Why would I put myself and Dd3 through the trauma of seeking a dx if I thought she was just average joe???

You wouldn't indigo.. Nor would you keep on with the things that your dd finds difficult or can't cope with.. Or keep on asking for help.. None of us would, but some proffesionals/ educators don't see that we don't actually want to be doing this.. We are just driven to make sure our dc's have at best a level playing field.
lots of children do some of the things our children do.. Just not to the intensity or do it in such a way that it causes issues with functioning with RL and society as it stands.. So that is a silly arguement.
For instance.. Ds2 at nearly twelve years old still uses our hands as tools.. Unusual at his age.. But at some point all children do this... But they stop!
All children find a noisy environment too much sometimes.. But it doesn't effect their ability to access their education or cause them to function on an anxiety level of 78 out of ten everyday.. Causing meltdowns when they get home.
It's really important to get these things right in school.. Where they spend a lot of their waking time.. Just to give us parents a fighting chance at the stratagies we are trying to install at home.. A lot of the time if things are wrong at school.. We are just fire fighting at home, and little progress is made.
If schools could take this on board a lot of our children would not be coming home to just be calmed down ready for the onslaught at school the next day.. Where they just about keep a lid on it.. And the school don't see any issues..
we struggled for a couple of years with school saying " but we don't see it".. Until the cycle of stress got to the point of cross over behaviours at school.. And I was then told " you did keep trying to tell us didn't you!"
but by then ds wanted to just stop the world and get off... That is when we got the big help.. Luckily it worked, yet it never should have got that far.

Thankyou TACC.. you talk more sense in that post than I have in the last 4 meetings with the school. I have just started another thread wondering whether I should move her. I feel like I am banging my head on a wall. And your are right I do spend each evening picking up the pieces only to send her back for more the next day. I hate taking her when she doesn't want to go and I know this is going to sound horrid but sometimes I wish she would blow a gasket at school just so they would begin to take me seriously. Today I am thinking. Why should she be forced into losing it when there maybe the option of another school that actually cares about her emotional wellbeing.
She is sooo calm today watching streetdance for the 2nd time in a row. Think we might have a new favourite.

Yay for streetdance! :o

I know exactly what your saying and it's a hard choice.
Do you keep her at the school that she knows if there is a chance that they may take such things on board and improve the situation.. Or do you take the chance of getting a good school for her.. But also take the chance of having to start all over again?

We didn't have huge amounts of choice tbh due to other circumstances.. So the best we could do was to keep on at the school.
When ds moved up to secondary.. I did go in a bit guns blazing and just told them what they needed to do.. We now seem to have a working relationship.. But incase it goes wrong I'll move him at the end of the year or sooner if need be.. But so far so good even though I have had to pop in a few times.. They are trying to help..we will see.

Maybe go and visit the new school and see the SENco.

Yes I think I will ring them on Monday and see if I can go on Tuesday [my day off]. A friend also tld me there are 2 spaces in year 3 at the catholic school [where her chilldren go] who are really on the ball with sp needs. It wouldn't really suit us as a family, but it is something to think about.