mainstream vs special

[GoodDaysBadDays]

Asking for opinion here, not actually an answer iykwim!

Do you have a general opinion on mainstream vs special school?

ds is 14, year 9. Currently attending a behaviour support unit after being excluded.

Broadly his problems are emotional and behavioural, mainly stemming from a difficult family situation. He has no diagnosis but paediatricians and psychologists have said that there are traits from attachment disorder, asd, adhd, defiance disorder all apparent in his character but no single diagnosis will benefit him.

Have just recived his statement and he will receive 25+5 hours a week support which is pretty high so a positive step. From reception until now he has been on SA+

We are now at the point to chose a school

Our main area for debate on the school type to chose is broadly the not being singled out point.

Ds is actually doing pretty well in the support unit as everyone is in the same boat so he embraces the additional help and support and responds well to it. In the past in mainstream he has fought against it as it makes him 'different'.

So, the big question is should we go for

special school where he might use the support well and hopefully grow as an individual more able to cope with society and where he may feel 'normal' in terms of fitting in with the norm but 'different' in the broader sense in society because of the school he attends but could also be influenced by other negative inputs

or

mainstream where his peers may be more positive influences and he can socialise out of school with them (special school an hour away) and 'normal' in the societal sense but he will probably feel the support is a negative thing and fight against it as it makes him 'different'.

We anticipate that he will fair reasonably well academically in either.

Would just like to gauge some opinion here! TIA

This is only an opinion, and my specialism is primary not secondary - and my sons are pre-school so no experience as a parent! But, with all those caveats I would say the following:

Your son has been excluded quite late in his school life and has quite a high statement and list of issues to overcome for him to access education. Given that he will likely resist support provided in a m/s setting and will not be seen as different I personally would be focussing my sights on special school.

However, this does of course depend on the quality of the special school you are offered. Where we live we have two EBD schools and one is significantly better than the other, but is also far more expensive so hard to get a place as the council tend to name the cheaper school on children's statements.

Bearing that in mind, I would visit some schools and see what you think.

Also, what does your son think? How would he feel about going to a special school?

HTH.

will not want to be seen as different

I am speaking as an ex-teacher who worked in both Special Needs & Mainstream secondary schools over a period of almost 10 years.

In my experience, the young people (usually boys) with emotional/behavioural issues who ended up in an SEN setting tailored to their needs fared better than those attending Mainstream school.

This could be for a variety of reasons, but I feel:

• having specialised, focussed support in a place where they were not singled out as being different was beneficial;
• it was easier for them to take on board & apply the strategies which could help them improve their conduct/try to understand what was going on for them as individuals in SEN school;
• more emphasis given in general SEN school culture to acknowledging & dealing with feelings appropriately, in Mainstream teachers have no time/space to get to know students properly;
• pastoral role in SEN school more developed & personalised; relationships with key adults stronger & more meaningful;
• a lot of the time in Mainstream I witnessed adolescents with EBD either mocked/'baited' by their peers/or misbehaving even more in a misguided attempt to gain acceptance/kudos from classmates;
• academically students generally do better if they feel secure & their individual needs are recognised/being met.

We had several students who came to the SEN school with quite serious behavioural problems (many also stemming from difficult family circumstances), but after 5 years of hard work on their part & that of the professionals who gave them input over that time they left considerably more stable & with a mature, responsible outlook which has seen them go on to achieve great things in the outside world, far beyond what they themselves would have though they were capable of when they arrived.

There is undoubtedly a stigma amongst the youth themselves about Special Schools & Special Needs but I have known quite a few young people who socialised outside of school with other kids their age in the local area. Depending on the provision in your area there are usually leisure activities aimed at engaging this age group in extra-curricular activities so whichever school you choose, it would be good to find out what's going on in the vicinity.

Good luck, I really hope my comments are helpful to you & that your son gets the support he deserves.

Thanks - you followed me

Have visited ms and was impressed and ds liked it but those concerns are still there.

Visiting the ss next week, there is only one in our area suitable and it has a good reputation afaik (but from experience I know reputation is not everything!) but our ep said it could be like throwing him to the wolves - underneath it all he's a good boy who wants to achieve. I just want to know what will help him do that!

As you said this is all a bit late in his education to be making these decisions! we went through primary with me determined to cope and help him myself wtf did I know then??!! Then when we asked for more help at years 5/6 it was very much 'oh you're doing ok, just carry on'

Last year it all blew up and here we are now. The positive thing to come out of last year is that I pull in every ounce of support I can get my hands on for both me and him but obviously there's a lot of pressure on this school decision as he only has 3 years left.

I was leaning towards ss until the ep said that about throwing him to the wolves and now I don't know!

He wants to go back to ms but is coming to look round ss with me next week. Their website looks like the place was made for him and it makes me quite hopeful when I look at it but it's that nagging feeling about his peers that I can't shake.

That last post was to KIBTT Thanks again for following me over

And Mama, thank you. What you said is exactly what I think, and all your points I raised in my statement paperwork wrt schooling.

Oh crap i'm sitting here crying now! I think it's having someone else say what I'm thinking.

You're comments really have helped, thank you

Hi Gooddays...we were also unsure if MS or SS was right for our son,even though all professionals said ss (he has language disorder )
He has gone thru all MS but completely struggled academically -level 2 in yr 6 -and though he had a few great friends he had stopped doing social after school activities as he did not understand what was being expected of him ,and so if he did wrong everyone would laugh ,you can imagine his self esteen and confidence !
He had his TA sit next to him all day and he knew he was different and stood out .We knew that if he went to MS for high school it would be very different with regards TA ,as we were told the TA would not sit next to him as not good for them etc and she would help other kids as well .So now he has just started resi SS and everyone is like him, no one is different ,they all struggle and all have SLT etc.......he does LOADS of activities now and has settled very well ,he is only 11.
We knew in the end that he would only flourish and progress in SS and though we miss him terribly it is the right thing .we had to look at the bigger picture and think of the future for him without us around.

It was very important that he was in the right peer group and we searched and searched and this school was right ,though a massive shock as residential.
Sorry have waffled a bit ,but this was our experience -good luck

Thanks Jiggles, It's good to hear a positive experience and your story is what I am hoping for if he does go to ss.

We did try for a statement in year 6 as we thought he needed it (both the statement and ss) then but were turned down.

Found out today though that the ss is full in his year group so not sure what options we have now

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that GoodDays. I used to feel so bad for the parents that set their hearts on a school and then it was full . Do you have any other options?

Thanks KIBTT

Well we've been told to still look to decide if it's the sort of school we want but they haven't said what the alternatives are.

Had some advice on here that if I actively start looking at more expensive options in other areas the LEA might push for the place that we want - worth a shot!

I was so set on ms for so long and have only just started to really consider ss but now that I have i'm thinking it might be the right choice and now I feel like i've been shot down!

hey ho, another week another battle

That advice is probably quite spot on actually! I worked in the SEN team at my local LEA (one of the worst jobs I've ever had ) and if we were in this position we would have tried every trick in the book to get a place in the cheaper school - and the pressure must be even worse now .

Good luck, you remain remarkably stoical in the face of such stress, but then I suppose you have little choice .

Thank you!

everyone always says how strong I am and don't know how I do it etc etc.

I am just VERY good at putting on my 'public' face

And you're right, what alternative is there? - I do want to go back to bed and wallow the majority of days and often feel terribly desperate about everything but then think about how I would feel if someone saw me like that and sort myself out for a few more days!

I feel guilty enough about everything with each of my 4 dc's and don't want to add 'really shit mother' into it all, they can stick with what they have: 'a bit crap behind closed doors mum'

Hmm, the "I don't know how you do it" line is something I always avoid saying to parents with SN as I imagine it must get incredibly irritating. I have two DC with a 16 mth age gap and have lots of people saying "I don't know how you do it", erm, cos I have to!

As for the guilt, my eldest is only just two but I have already learnt that motherhood comes with a huge amount of guilt as standard and much of it is self-imposed. You sound like you're trying to do your best in tough circumstances for your DC - and isn't that all they can ask of us?

Keep us posted x

Sorry didn't mean to be ungrateful for the support. I just feel guilty when people say that as I don't feel I do a great job with the dc's

But I am pretty good at the paperwork side!

16 months is a small gap! That must be hard work, but you're right, we just have to get on with what we have to do.

I didn't think you were being ungrateful !

Lol at your restraint! The answer is, most of the time I don't (cope that is!!) .

I have shamelessly copied and pasted most of this from my other thread but didn't want to leave one thread without a follow up as everyone's been so helpful! (And I've had enough of typing!)

I looked at the Essex LEA school and another in Kent (private, charity-run) and have definitely decided this is the way we want to go, ds is really keen too. So now we have the task of hoping the LEA agree in principle to ss and then the battle for where as our local ss is full, but I'm ready for the fight. DS needs this.

Have a meeting next week to talk me out of ss go over the options. Have already completed paperwork naming our local residential ss (needed to be done this week) so we'll just have to see where we go from here.

So, thanks, I have come to a decision about ds's schooling (whether we get it or not is another battle) but thanks all for helping me thrash it out, couldn't have done it without you!