in need of some moral support

[missy10]

im a mum of a 12 year old with adhd disparaxia tic disorder damp aspergers and mental health problems today i have had a bomb shell they have told me my 4and a half year old daughter also has adhd and hearing problems as well im in complete shock and thinking how the hell am i going 2 cope :(

... how hard . Sending you some moral support. You will get lots of advice on here, and lots of people who know how it feels. You are definitely not alone ... that doesn't always help I know but I think knowing that can mean a lot.

Ok, don't panic. Hearing problems & ADHD in a girl will create lots of hassle you could do without. But the prognosis is likely to be far better overall, and she couldn't have a better trained parent.

A friend of mine talks about the unconscious bargain (with God or fate or whatever you believe in). 'I'll cope with my disabled child and do my best for them, but in return you'd better make sure the next one is ok'. It's a massive shock when you realise that you tried to make that deal, but your offer was rejected.

Hope you get some better news soon, even if it's only that something useful is on it's way eg statement, DLA, speech therapy, aids/ grommits/ ritalin/ ADHD parent courses etc.

Know a bit how you feel. I truly felt my second child just had to be okay. She wasn't and also has ASD. However, she is still v different to ds and of course dearly loved. It is hard, but I have thus far survived. If anything she has benefitted from my experience. i have fought harder and smarter than I did with ds because I know more about what needs to be done. It is still a shitty blow though.

I remember that complete feeling of being let down when the second child was diagnosed.

And then the gradual realisation that all the aggro child no 1 had had to go through wouldn't be the same with child no 2 because we had all the knowledge we didn't have then.

It will get better. And it will be all the better for your dd having you. But you need to look after yourself and be kind to yourself. I ended up needing counselling at this time.

Just remember nobody has just handed you another child with a label marked 'ADHD CHILD'. Your daughter is still the same girl. You obviously knew she was having problems otherwise you wouldn't have had the diagnosis. Try not to think that this is going to make things any harder than they already were. I'm certainly not saying you shouldn't be feeling like this, it's completely normal.

I'm saying this because that's what I had to tell myself when it was suggested my daughter may have aspergers. A mild form, but never the less it's tough to take at first. But then I thought, hang on a minute, nothing has changed. I felt like it had but nothing had. Somebody had just said something that deep down I already knew. Chin up and remember you're certainly not alone. :)