Does your DC''s interaction skills differ depending on whether they have initiated the interaction?

[Lougle]

Not sure if I am wording it right.

DD1 can't tell me about her day (at all) except for perhaps a one-word answer if I ask. She can't tell me what she did, who she saw, where she went, anything. But, if she starts talking about her day, she can tell me quite sophisticated details.

Today she did swimming. I asked her about it and she couldn't say anything other than 'yes'. Later, she told me about swimming, the water was blue, she went splash, splash, splash. She sang me the song that the teachers used to tell her it was time to get out of the water, told me that she said she didn't want to, the teacher said she had to (using a deep telling off voice), and that she tried to swim away, but the teacher got her and the had a shower.

It isn't just with vocabulary/talking stuff. For example, if she is asked to kiss someone goodnight, she always, always presents her head to them for a kiss. She isn't unwilling, she is more than willing to kiss them, but she just can't do a proper kiss. She tips her head and sort of pushes it up to them. But if she spontaneously shows someone affection, she will give them a hug, eye contact and a proper kiss.

What is that all about? Do any of you have similar?

We have similar with DS1 (dx ASD).

I think there may be a few things going on with DS1 re the difference in responding to questions and him randomly commenting.

I am not sure how well he understands past tenses, he does use them in context but I do wonder if he really gets them.
I also think he may have difficulties with short-term memory recall. His long-term is scarily good (remembering things from years ago).
He also gets very involved with what he is doing so perhaps he is struggling to shift his thoughts from what he is thinking about to what I am talking about?
He gets a bit anxious when put under the spotlight (but is happy to be centre of attention when it suits him)
and also his age (5).

The kiss thing also sounds familiar. For DS1 I find he gets locked into auto-pilot responses and routines. So when he hears his "cue" he automatically does what he always has done IYKWIM? If I say "thanks DS1" he will quite often say "mummy say thank you" so I do then he will say "You're Welcome". He can't say "You're welcome" to "thanks" it has to be "thank you". There are others but I can't think of them atm.

Sounds exactly like my DD...none responsive to questions but if she starts the coversation we get lots of info, as long as I dont throw in any big questions, repeat bits back a little and lead her to finish sentences.

At the moment we kiss goodnight with our cheeks full of air...cloudy with a chance of meatballs stylee! :)

Our Psychologist said it was because of the way DD processes language...but were waiting for the report.

DS was the same with language at this age - I always figured that it was loads harder for him to understand what I was saying, then come up with an appropriate answer, than for him to think in his own time about what he wanted to say, then say it to me - that he wasn't being put on the spot iyswim?

I also find DS1 blags
I was told via the Specialist Teacher that he had done a cartwheel during assembly today. So I asked DS1 about it

Me: DS1, did you do a cartwheel in assembly today?
DS1: yes
Me: Why?
DS1: cos I didn't want to sing.
[conversation over not doing cartwheels during assembly happens]
Me: Can you show me how you do a cartwheel?
DS1 yes
DS1 [long pause]
DS1 Mummy, what is a cartwheel?

Absolutely.
If i ask DS some questions about his day, i'll either get a 'i don't know' or answers that are hard to comprehend such as 'the blue one' or 'the two Jakes' ...

However when DS wants to talk about something he is interested in, then he makes a lot more sense, tries harder, is more spontaneous with his speech on the whole.
Although 2 or 3 proper exchanges on a subject is about as far as it goes atm. We still a fair bit of repetition .

DS(HFA, reception) keeps telling me off for enquiring about his day. Also he generally has stock answers (like he had pasta today - although i made his pack lunch ) and the people he tells me about are from his pre-school. But occasionally he might say something he initiates, which i think sounds like truth - he painted a tomato using red and green paint.

I think i use to get more clarity from him when he was younger. I wonder if i will ever really know. According to school everything rosy.

But i am aware that ds often gives an answer i know you want to hear!

My DS is exactly the same. If I initiate something he does it but not without trying to run away/moan first.

For eg, have been trying to get him to trace numbers 1-3 as that what they are doing in school. He would throw a fit just for having to sit down sometimes. Last night I caught him tracing them 1-10 beautifully and seems please that I noticed and said 'there you go' Not sure where he learnt that phrase but anyway :)

If I initiate action nursery rhymes I have to move his hands for the actions sometimes, yet at other times he signs wheels on the bus with all the actions from start to finish.

I am aware he doesnt like things imposed on him to do (well only academic things and mostly those that involve sitting) but with lots of persistance and positive reinforcement I got him to recognise the numbers to 10 and count to 20 by rota, alphabet, all colours and shapes and most of his vocabulary.

Other things like 'when finished put your plate in the sink', 'take cup to kitchen', 'put this in bin' he has no issues with and obeys immediately.

DH tells me he was exactly the same, if he was asked to do something he would often pretend he is not listening and only when the requester turns away he would only thendo what he was asked, hence he understands DS behaviour better than I.

It all sounds very similar/familiar.

When pressed about his day ds (dx asd) will answer 'yes' or 'no'(whilst walking home) - and not terribly accurately. Later, at home, after a bounce on the rebounder (we have one in nearly every room!) he will get his schoolbook out and show me his writing and tell me how to write letters and he'll tell me about the numbers he's looked at.

The head kiss thing is also spot on.

Lougle, ds is exactly the same, he talks when he wants to talk, shows affection when he wants to show affection. Ds's favourite saying is "i dont want to talk about it".

Personally i think its about being in control. Ds likes to control everything he experiences from eating, to interacting. Far less threatening when you initiate, you know what to expect and when to expect it.

Also an element of how i ask the question and ds's literal thinking, open ended questions are very difficult for ds to answer. For example "do you want a drink" his reply is "yes", he wont elaborate on what he wants to drink!

Ds is also very visual and perhaps doesnt remember events in the same way i would. For example ds has no concept of time, so "what did you do today" is confusing for him. He needs visual reminders or verbal prompts.

When he does tell me anything (when he wants to talk) he describes events and people by how they look and what he hears, rather than by name, bit like you dd "the water was blue", the tone of the teachers voice etc, etc, rather than i went swimming and played with Bill and Ben iyswim!

Thanks everyone. So is it an ASD thing, or a SAL thing, do you think? Bearing in mind that DD1 is not dx ASD, but I think she has ASD traits (the consultant disagrees).

...We looked at Semantic Pragmatic Disorder, not always considered ASD...but apparently is argued to be an ASD more often nowadays. It has traits of ASD with the language difficulties. Not sure if its our DDs dx yet...waiting for report. When I read the description on NAS site it was like they described DD.

Lou - I see it as SAL/processing based rather than ASD

Thanks