Does school ever make you feel like they don't see issues?

[genieinabottle]

We got a dx of autism and speech and language disorder for DS 3 months ago.

He has started in ms reception, on action+.
And i'm getting this horrible feeling that teacher doesn't seem to believe in his dx.

First they were reluctant to follow SALT and Camhs 's recommendations about using visual aids, pecs timeline, ... teacher said DS seems to understand instructions given fine. After a meeting with Senco, they are now using the pecs timeline.

On the school-home communication book, they write only good things. How DS is doing so well, how he is playing with other children brilliantly, how he is initiating conversations and responding well, how he is doing good pretend play (talking on the toy phone doing vet role-play apparently), how they see no issues at all at luchtime, how DS seems very good with sharing,.... well you get the picture.
I'm really. It would seem DS leaves his autism at home when he goes to school!

All the things mentioned above are things DS has strugged with at his previous ms nursery, at home, when out and about...
But it seems school don't want see these issues.
It's like they are picking every point of difficulty DS has and write in his book that they see no issue, or write things pointing to the contrary.

The only one thing they did write that sounded like the DS i know is that he had been unwilling to do adult-led table activities such as name writting, cutting,... but the following day, they had successfully got him to co-operate by the use of a puppet, and they wrote DS co-operated as he wanted to impress the puppet. wth??? Doing something in order to impress is something i have never seen DS do ever.

What is going on??? Is this a ploy to keep us quiet and to make sure we see for ourselves that DS doesn't need that much help, therefore we'll never go down the statementing path.... i know this sounds paranoid. But i'm finding all this suspicious, it's like they are talking about a different child.
And it is making me feel like i see issues that aren't there. Although these issues have always been there and were definately evident at nursery before the summer break.
I don't know if i should relax and celebrate or whether they are trying to pull the wool over our eyes.

I'm very confused now and don't know what to do. Shall i approach teacher and ask her upfront whether they really see no issues with DS...

Ok - it's (slightly) possible that they are just writing the good things because they want you to feel good about DS.

My DDs school are doing this and when I asked them why they wrote when she did well on a test but not when she did badly, teacher said that they hadn't told her she'd done badly and wasn't sure if I'd read out the book or not. So now I've clarified I want to hear the bad news AND the good news.

So I guess, do start with asking them to give you a more balanced view of the day?

(But I realised that this is just one possible explanation for the book. They may, like you said, not be noticing things they should...)

Actually IME they do notice things. They just don't like to discuss them....

Hi genie,

You may find that SA plus is not going or will not go far enough to get his additional needs fully met.

I believe that many teachers are not actually trained at all with regards to any aspect of SEN let alone ASD. They could well paint a far brighter picture than what is actually happening. Some children as well can internalise all their frustrations of the school day and only let this all out on family when at home.

I feel that in cases like yours the only way that school will take due notice is to have a statement issed. This will also prove increasingly valuable the higher up he progresses through the school system particularly when it comes times to attend juniors and subsequently secondary school. You have to think longer term also.

I see your point Attila and i agree totally.
But how can i apply successfully for a SA if school are saying/ well seem to say they see no issues atm.

....

Yes Starlight, from what i've read on the book so far, it would appear teacher hasn't got some expectations as me.

Such as showing 'good pretend play' because he was talking in a toy phone. err... not in my books. DS is HF and nearly 5, i don't consider as an achievement anymore, 2 years ago then yes...but now no.

I think that schools like to focus on the positive aspects of the child's day, unless the negative stuff is so important that they have to share it (ie. kicking, biting).

DD1 has started at Special School, and her Home-school book is all positive, and I have been told positive things to the point that I wondered if we got her placement wrong.

But I notice little things, such as the class TA not seeming taken aback when DD1 dropped to the ground and refused to walk as I collected her. She just said "we are doing nice walking now, DD1" - that told me that DD1 has done this for them already.

DD1's HSbook today said "DD1 did swimming...we did x before getting her out of the water...she got out without tears or fuss" (I had told them that counting doesn't work, pretending to walk away doesn't work, you just have to pick her up and get out the water).

But DD1 told me 'that teacher said get out water', DD1 said 'don't want to' and DD1 try to swim away'...

So it probably isn't quite as simple as 'got out without tears or fuss', but is a lot better than they were expecting from my preparation of them.

I am having the opposite atm.
DS1's teacher has been waiting for me on a couple of occassions (he's still part-time atm) to tell me he is unsettled but at the same time is telling the Family Support worker (who is a Specialist Teacher's underling) that he is doing really well . The teacher did tell the FSW there had been a couple of incidents, one of which was DS1 turning a cartwheel during assembly(!) but they haven't actually told me about any specifics.

We don't have a Home/School book and I imagine the teacher would very much resist having one!

My ds's special school always portaryed everything as great, it was only when visiting professionals made comments like 'oh yes, I heard him, but didn't actually see him' that I got a true flavour of the day. My dd2 is in ms school and everything seems brilliant there too. I am though intending to ask dd's teacher ' what are the positives and the negatives so far.' I know there must be negatives as she has significant difficulties. In terms of getting a statement, if you ask for the good and the bad, but don't get it, you may well need an independent person like a private EP to assess your ds.

To give the teachers at MS schools credit though, we have all the benefits of MN SN board. We see examples of 10s of children with ASD across the spectrum.

We get the pooled knowledge of lots of posters who have a real and genuine interest in understanding the nuances of ASD.

Before I joined this board, I thought I 'knew' about ASD. I had worked as a volunteer in a children's club, and had given support to one child with ASD (v.HF) on a pretty much 1:1 basis for 4 week blocks on a Sunday, so 12 weeks per year.

I knew that children with ASD could be bright (thanks, Rainman). But I didn't know that there was a spectrum. I didn't know that there were subtleties and nuances within the spectrum. That a child could simultaneously be very impaired in one area and yet extremely able in another.

Since joining the board, I have been largely responsible for the flagging of another child with ASD, just because working with that child in the same club started to ring alarm bells for me. I approached the leader and asked if the child was 'ok', explaining my concerns. We together approached the mother, who we both knew very well, and fortunately, she had also noticed issues. She now has an ASD dx and support.

But teachers get probably either 1 hour or even 1 day of training on 'ASD'. People have devoted their whole lives and careers to it, and still don't know enought about it.

It must be hard for them to see a child like Starlight's DS, and comprehend that he can sit nicely on a carpet, comply with rules, be academically able, yet behind in social skills. Surely they are yet more 'rules' that he should be able to follow? But we know it is more complicated than that.

The same for you, Genie. I mean, if you were trying to assure staff that your DS is NT, they would probably be filling the book with examples of his ASD traits. But the fact that you are obviously so worried for him (rightly) is pushing them to try and reassure you by pointing every positive they can.

I know we battle. I know we have to keep on top of everything, and I know that is exhausting. But I don't think it helps to assume that the staff are being malicious. It isn't of any benefit for them to deny your child has difficulties. If they do, he gets no support and they have to struggle to meet his needs.

Thanks Lougle.

I do agree that teacher must be given credit in that she may well be doing her best to help/manage DS with little knowledge of ASD.

But i would like to be told of the full picture, becsue i simply cannot believe/understand how DS is able to have conversations , responding well, have good sharing,...ect at school.
It's absurd and make no-sense to me whatsoever.

I'm not saying is totally unable with the above but he has got difficulties with these.
If he didn't then i'm sure he would not have a dx.

I cannot wait for the first parents' evening tnh.

They do like to be positive genie. My youngest aged 4 started Reception this term. He is a bit lively to say the least (although I don't think he is ASD) - yet all I have had back off his teacher is how great he is at sitting on the carpet, being friendly ect.
However his older brothers tell a different story, how he escaped into the Junior playground and ran away from the older children who tried to get him back into his play ground, how he pulled his trousers down in the junior playground and ran round with them at his knees, how he smashed the classes sand timer, how slowly he eats his lunch and so on.
I would at best look at them being positive about your ds with having little ASD knowledge to boot.

genie: this subject has been on my mind too. Positiveness is fairplay but unrecognising difficulties isn't - and it's important to know which way school is seeing the situation.
In my dd2s case everything is hunkydory in Yr1. I'm told she's doing really well, that her language isn't holding her back.
This is precisely what dd2s nursery/reception teacher at her old school warned me about - that the bright little girl that dd2 presents may prevent people from realising that she has difficulties.

Dd2 got a certificate awarded in assembly last week for Hard Work. She gave it to me at hometime and told me that it was a picture given to her for her birthday.
Her birthday was months ago.
No problems there then.

I agree kissingfrogs, my 6 year old with ASD is bright academically and placid so the school only see what they want too.

Kissingfrogs iswym.
We have been warned by Cahms (who dx DS) that due to his passivity, some of his difficulties might not always be obvious.
Which i totally agree with btw.

On the b/day note, DS's 5th b/day is in just a few weeks and despite me talking about it, showing him pictures,... he shows as much excitement and anticipation as a fish.
He still cannot even tell you he is going to be 5.

I wrote a note in his book tonight about the 2 hours tantrum he had this evening.
I just hope teacher doesn't think i'm making moutains out of molehills.

We had this for years with dd's junior school refusing to accept that her absences were due to chronic pain and that it was not meer wilfullness that made her refuse to walk up stairs.

They are much better for ds, though I have had to explain a couple of times that just because he can do an activity doesn't mean it is not damaging: they tend to think if he is getting the results, all is well.

This still makes me cross...

When ds2 was at nursery I felt there were problems but they kept saying everything was fine. I doubted myself and delayed getting a referral - when the appointment finally came I got to see their letter to the paed outlining the problems. I felt awful that I'd kept leaving him in that environment when he obviously wasn't coping.

At school he had a diagnosis but I felt it wasn't believed and they were just trying to keep me quiet (I was probably a nightmare parent for them!). Again their submission to the psych was illuminating.

He was put on SA+ - was told this meant contact with external agencies. 6 Weeks later when I asked how things were going they said "We tried to contact the child psych but they were engaged..."

They missed his visual processing problems and dyslexia - told me they were putting him up a reading level cos he read the book perfectly - I took it home and covered the words up just showing the pictures - yes he read it perfectly (had memorised it in class) but still couldnt tell his letters...

(We home ed now!)

Thank you for all your replies.

I can see that 'school not seeing things or thinking all is well' seems to be a fairly common problem then, it isn't just me.

Feeling and at reading your posts.