Advice please

[AnakisT]

This is my first thread so please be gentle :) It may also be long!!! Sorry.

My dd is 31 months and i have been aware for a long time that she has a speech delay. She is attending nursery and we have tried to give her a hearing test which she didn't like!

She had her 2 year development which highlighted the speech issue. The HV arranged to come back a couple of months later and do a 'blue box' development check. I was just expecting a referral to speech therapy. After the review i was told that she is behind in all areas and highlighted other behaviour 'quirks' as possible special needs markers. A referral has been made for ped and speech.

I am coming to terms with the reality that my dd may be on the autism spectrum. On speaking to the nursery they agree that here is a delay and are applying for extra funding to get her one to one sessions.

I just feel so guilty. This is my only child and i don't know anyone with children so i have never had anyone to compare her too. Reading up, i have come to realise that so many of her 'quirks' could be indicators. She is, however, still the sweetest funniest happiest child i could wish for.

My questions are, what can i do at this point to help? Can i push things on? Can i even come on this board being as i haven't got a diagnosis?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far

You have nothing to feel guilty about but you probably still will because I think we all do to some extent. Also this board is exactly the right place for you.

My advice would be to support the diagnostic process as much as possible and don't be fobbed off if you feel someone is not making the right decision. You know your daughter best so make sure that the professionals listen to your opinions. Read as much as you can about ASD so you can show that your opinion is informed.

It is fab that the nursery is so pro-active. If they suggest applying for a statement be very grateful and again support the process. The sooner things like this are in place the more support your little one will get when she really needs it.

Coming to terms with something like this is a long and rocky road. Give yourself time and space to get used to the idea and know that there'll be times when the emotions take you by surprise a bit.

Keep coming back here when you need questions answered. You may come across professionals who dismiss your concerns, most of us have, so come and have a moan when that happens too.

Ive been knocking about on this board for years and have only just received a diagnosis, in fact it was the people on this board that helped and supported me throughout the whole process.

It was HV at ds's 2 year developmental check that first noticed signs of delays and he was my 3rd! I had never witnessed 'jargon' before and just thought i had a toddler who liked to 'chat' and make up words an awful lot! I didnt have mn then.

I would chase up. I never did until about a year ago, as soon as i started chasing things started to happen, after plodding along for far too many years.

Thanks so much for replying :)

I think the guilt is just because i feel like if i was 'exposed' to more children of dd's age i would have noticed something different earlier. Having said that though, i have done a lot of reading now and have realised that i had stereotyped ASD, i said to the HV "she can't have it she looks at me and she's loving". I feel very stupid for saying that now.

All i want is to do anything i can to make her life easier.

I don't know if anyone else has encountered this but how do you handle other people (family) giving different opinions. I feel that others are trying to make me feel like I have decided that there is a problem and am actively trying to create something out of nothing. If that makes sense?

Ooooh - advice from well meaning family and friends. Absolutely ignore it. They're not experts. They don't know as much about either your daughter or ASD as you do.

I've stopped talking to my family about any of my kids SN - because they just don't understand it at all.

All of us here feel guilty / doubt ourselves / thinks we're doing a bad job. We're not! Don't let your parents make you feel you are.

You know your child better than anyone else, trust your instincts.

4 years ago when ds was 2, i had conflicting opinions from just about everyone, including family and professionals.

Looking back now with hindsight, all of the signs of ASD were there and all so obvious now. Read all you can and go with what you feel is right.

I've been a registered childminder since DD1 was 2years old and I didn't realised she had AS until she was 12 years old. I also didn't realise DD2 had sensory processing issues and AS symptoms until this year and she's 7.

As for well-meaning family and friends. I've been told DD1 doesn't have AS by so many people I've lost count. She does and she has a diagnosis and a statement to prove it. Some people have gone away, read about it and realised they were wrong. Others (including family members) remain convinced that I've made the whole thing up. So I avoid the subject with certain people and don't worry about it.

What you've said on here all makes perfect sense. You need to grow a thick skin and go all out for what you know you need to do. You've already said all you want to do is make her life easier. You may have to fight to do that but stick to your guns because no-one else will do it for you.