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SN children

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Original poster

asd- how sociable is your child?

22 replies

redhappy · 27/09/2010 18:28

Just wondering, still in limbo stage with ds...feeling like I don't know up from down at the moment.

Is he autistic? I really haven't got a clue anymore. Strangers keep saying 'oh he doesn't sound very autistic' and I just don't know what to think. Not random strangers by the way, people I meet and there is a context to talking about ds.

He does so many things that 'meet the criteria' but he is very sociable. That said, he doesn't 'play' as such apart from on the computer or football on his own.

Anyway, interested to hear from those of you who have dx already if you have a child who is still sociable in whatever way.

OP posts:

colditz · 27/09/2010 18:31

Very. he boings up to complete strangers and assaults them with personal questions, he infodumps on shop assistants ("On Plants Versus Zombies I got to level eight, you have to ..." "??"), he flings himself upon the parents of his friends - he's VERY sociable, just not necessarily appropriately so. He will be 8 in April.

Spinkle · 27/09/2010 18:36

My ds (6) is sociable. In his way. He loves being around other kids, though he's not terribly sure how to be friends.

He's reasonably personable and def has a lovable disposition (well, I would say that) People who spend a short amount of time with him say he 'doesn't seem that bad' and are confused. But his speech is poor which gives the game away.

droves · 27/09/2010 18:48

My dd4 (5) is sociable ....sometimes she will go and sit on people who are visiting...
Her favorite move is too climb up on sofa and inch her way toward them untill shes sitting on their arm/handbag.
Its a favorite with the Hv , who just laughs.

She will give you things too.... half eaten apple , toy bricks, mushed up paper and try to forcibley "feed" it too you.

Shes not good with strange kids though , will watch and sometimes play beside them as if she wants to join in... but she "plays" withe her siblings ok, (except her twin brother who she bashes lumps out of ).

Cant hold a conversation , but shes got wicked sense of humour ....does daft things that have us in stiches all the time.

vintage4 · 27/09/2010 18:50

my ds is 17 and has severe autism and is very sociable and adapts to new situations quite quickly though with a lot of rituals .He has always been social and loves being in a crowd especially of pretty girls

genieinabottle · 27/09/2010 19:08

When DS was a bit younger (he is nearly 5 now), let's say to about age 3 he wasn't sociable. He was aware of other children but ignored them, was very happy with his own company. He was very shy of strangers, took a while to warm to family members he hadn't seen for a while,...

Now he is slowly changing and getting more sociable, in that he does wants to play with other children, but isn't sure of how to go about it at times.
His social approach is somewhat awkward and he can be a bit too excited and in their faces sometimes iyswim. He still often play alongside rather than with other kids, but on a 1:1 or small group he shows some clear interest and loves running, chasing games, and simple games he can understand. He also tries talking to other kids when they talk to him, which can be hard as on top opf the asd, he has big difficulties with his speech sounds.
He still doesn't mind playing alone though.

Original poster

redhappy · 27/09/2010 19:09

Thanks for your replies, interesting to hear ow different all our children are. I think I'm a bit fed up of the myths about autism, and people who hardly know us saying 'oh he's fine'.

He looks fine on the outside, he's pretty happy most of the time. People don't see what he's like when we're at home. It's not like I have my heart set on asd dx, that's how it feels people think! But there is something different about him, if it's not autism I just want to know what it is!

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Original poster

redhappy · 27/09/2010 19:12

genie your ds sounds similar to mine. He was 4 yesterday. He plays chasing games, otherwise he stands next to a group of children and jumps up and down shouting gibberish, so it looks like he's playing and people think I'm making it up.

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genieinabottle · 27/09/2010 19:17

"But there is something different about him, if it's not autism I just want to know what it is!"... i could have written these exact words before DS was dx.

And i hate it too, when ppl who do think they know everything about DS just because they see him now and again and: he seems fine and ok to me... he isn't that bad you know... this autism thing i can't see it!,....ect
I just wish they'd keep their trap shut.

genieinabottle · 27/09/2010 19:20

omg!! what you have just describe does sound just my DS.
The laughting loudly, or even a bit of roaring close to other kids and jumping around, chasing, talking a bit of gibberish does sound soooo familiar.

Original poster

redhappy · 27/09/2010 19:25

Just found your thread... for you, but the great thing about mumsnet, once again, I don't feel so alone.

It's all a bit raw for me at the moment. Have just started a new job (p/time) but already can see I need to give it up so I can change playschools. The one he's at now lets him sit on the computer all day! They just don't know what to do with him and he's not getting any socialisation there at all!

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genieinabottle · 27/09/2010 19:33

We had a rubbish ms nursery too. DS was there over 2 years but in the second year he attended p/t ms nursery and p/t language unit which were great.

The ms nursery used to leave him to it, doing his repetitive play most of the time, the summer before last DS was obssessed with noises and especially sirens and planes. All summer long each time i picked him up , i'd ask what has he been up to today? and they say "oh playing in garden, looking for planes in the sky"...grrr.

Somedays i wish i'd pulled him out of there, but he did enjoy going despite his difficulties.

lostinwales · 27/09/2010 19:34

"But there is something different about him, if it's not autism I just want to know what it is!". And me!

We started with tentative ASD dx but last time we went to paed he changed his mind as my son was starting to make eye contact with him, but it's the 5th time he's been there now so he is used to him. When adults talk to him he will hide his head on me and say 'goodnight' and close his eyes. We went to a new body popping class in the village hall on Sat and as we came in the door and saw adults we didn't know he hid behind me squashing into my back, he was trembling at the thought of doing something new yet two minutes later he was running like mad with his class mates. When his brothers joined in with the class his face was blotchy and he had tears in his eyes until I reassured him he could sit with me at the back. I was nearly in tears as he's going to secondary next year and I've no idea how he will cope away from our lovely small village school. Sorry such a long waffle, I'm in pieces about him at the moment.

Although people who know him are more convinced than his paed atm! Sorry OP, to be helpful he didn't have any 'imaginative play' for a long time but he has a core of lovely friends who he can talk (obsess) about Harry Potter with. He's dyspraxic so football etc are very hard for him, he will stand and cry next to me if someone brings a ball and they all run about, he's 10 and it breaks my heart. I guess that's why it's a spectrum, they are all so very different even within the group of different children.

lostinwales · 27/09/2010 19:37

Sorry I was typing that all out more for my sake, I was going to preview then delete most of it and posted instead, OP please forgive my self obsessed ramblings.

5inthebed · 27/09/2010 19:41

DS2 is quite sociable. Sometimes inappopropriatly so. He will grab strangers in the street and give them a hug, ask odd questions (his latest is if they hav a bellybutton) and general sillyness.

He also does the whole "jumping up and down flapping" while others are running around paying chasing.

Original poster

redhappy · 27/09/2010 19:52

aah, lostinwales he does sound lovely. It's funny how often the question I post isn't the one I needed answering I just didn't know it!

It is reassuring to hear other people have doubts.We have an appoint with paed on thursday so that must be behind my questioning things too. We haven't met this one before, and her reputation precedes her! Unfortunately not in a positive way.

I have noticed ds managing things for himself really well. He finds new people and places quite distressing, but he has learnt that if he says 'shy' people will leave him alone until he is ready.

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lostinwales · 27/09/2010 19:59

Ooh, we have jumping up and down and flapping too, does anyone else have a problem with volume control? He is soooo LOUD.

I wonder if for the Dr's as well it can be a confusing spectrum? It's a relatively new area isn't it? The first ever Dr we saw (more junior) wrote a report saying he had 'behavioural problems' at home but was fine at school. Thank goodness the Consultant intervened.

woolytree · 27/09/2010 20:27

My DD is very sociable and 'appears' to fit in with other kids, but if you look closely she has no idea how to get in a conversation so just shouts 'oh Wow' and 'Yeah'...in an American accent normally! She loves chasing games too but in general just plays alongside. She can copy other Dcs...dressing up, following etc and so plays ok with her cousins....until shes had enough and will announce 'Its time to go home!'... She can be blunt and if she falls out with anyone, (her cousin bit her), its very hard for her to forgive and forget. She often says shes someones friend without having made any verbal contact.

LRB978 · 27/09/2010 20:44

Red, I think I spoke to you about this the other week, can't remember. Have done a CAF today for ds, and the no1 action is a referral to CAHMS, with suspected ASD. He definitely has traits, and as you said, I just want to know what it is, as well as his dyspraxia, that is causing his issues. So much that is written on here reminds me of ds, yet in other ways he seems so NT.

Am not going to ramble (found doing the CAF very hard, could go on for hours but am not going to on your thread). If you want to chat, you can find me on FB tonight (and most others :))

Original poster

redhappy · 27/09/2010 21:08

hi LRB yes it was me

Ramble away! I'm heading to bed in a minute, but will probably be on there tomorrow if you need a chat too? Not sure how much use I will be since I feel like I know nothing right now! But happy to listen

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dietcokeandwine · 27/09/2010 21:19

My DS is 6 and DX of ASD, though very much at the milder end of the spectrum. Doesn't really have many 'classic' ASD behaviours - in fact I often wonder whether ADD would fit him better as a DX, because it's listening/concentration (or rather lack of) that he really struggles with. He most definitely has issues with auditory processing.

DS is definitely sociable, and has friends (and I would say genuinely understands the concept of having friends IYSWIM) BUT he is probably best described as socially a bit gawky. Wants to join in, but isn't always sure how, and in the past has found playtime at school very hard (though is generally fine on a one-to-one basis at home). Struggles with auditory processing so when friends talk to him he doesn't always respond (so far though children seem to just accept that this is what he is like and will cheerfully bellow at him 'DS1! Can't you hear me talking to you? I just said x y z' and then DS1 will kind of zone back in and respond ).

So far DS1 has been fortunate in finding a group of friends who do just seem to accept him how he is, though he definitely comes across as 'young for his age', and I would imagine that as he and his peers grow up and they become more sophisticated in terms of communication then the gap between them and DS will widen...but you certainly wouldn't immediately assume ASD on meeting him. His eye contact is excellent, he is often chatty and communicative and usually in a fairly age appropriate way - but you can kind of tell it doesn't come easy.

I really sympathise with those of you with the constant question marks over asd or not.... Even DS1's paed admits he is so 'borderline' that other paeds might have confirmed him as NT. It is very hard when things don't quite seem "definite" one way or the other!

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/09/2010 21:23

they are and they aren't it is very much on their terms.

When they want to play they want playmates, when they want to be alone they want them to feck off

When other kids talk to them it's luck of the draw whether they'll reply or not!

I think ds1 would like to be more 'normal'. ds2 doesn't give a shit.

ThatVikRinA22 · 27/09/2010 21:33

ds (now 18) is and always had been very sociable, at least he has wanted to be. he has asperger syndrome. its never been that he didnt want social contact, more that he lacked the social skills to be successful when he was younger.

he is way better now. it all changed at college, when he wasnt perceived as weird anymore.

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