Help! Private nursery beginning to admit they can't (or don't want to) cope...

[missworld2010]

OK, so I know hindsight is a wonderful thing, but stupidly I didn't apply for a school nursery place for my dd2 as although she didn't have her diagnosis of ASD at that point, we knew she was happy with routine and so we decided to keep her at the (very, 2minutes walk) local private nursery where she has been going for a day a week since she was little. Also where our dd1 (NT) went and did her pre-school/nursery year before reception, so we knew it was a good place.

Or so we thought. At the end of a v difficult week where I have been writing docs to apply for a statement, I went in to have a meeting and discuss this with them. They currently get 5 hours week (the maximum!) extra funding - she attends for around 20 hours a week at the mo (2 full days and one afternoon session). The plan was agreed probably 6 months ago that she would start her 'pre-school' (i.e. 2 terms before school reception) in January, which is 5 mornings a week, plus 2 extra afternoons wrap-around care (so keeping the 2 full days).

To explain, she is mostly very bright and happy, but the biggest issue is her unpredictability and it being impossible to make her do something she doesn't want to - I know, sounds just like every other toddler, wish I had a pound for every time... BUT I have an older child who behaves beautifully (most of the time!!), so IT'S NOT ME!!

Now at the meeting on Fri I was hit with their thought that a) she may not be ready for pre-school and b) if she was, due to lack of funding they will probably only be able to have her for the morning sessions, no extra care.

Is this fair??!! Surely they are saying in effect that they can't cope with her without extra support, and this shold go down as a need for a statement? As a private nursery, amd I right in guessing they can do as they like and I just have to be nice to them if she is to have any chance of learning before school? I'm so disappointed, I thought we had made the right decision but now I'm just not sure.

Sorry this is a bit longwinded, time of the month and all.... but HELP please!

have you considered Tracks?? I know its costly but they are great, please consider them. did you get my message about friday?

Sounds like private nursery are being honest, least they arent just leaving her and saying all fine.
Its not up to them to decide on if shes ready for pre school either.

Private nursery can do this as they tend to stick to staffing ratio's quite rigidly. Pre school age the ratio is 1:8 and this can be quite difficult without a child with sn. It tends to b that private nurseries have little if any experience with sn which makes it worse. My ds was in private nursery, I withdrew him as I knew it was going to be a nightmare, my step dad owned it.

Nursery are being honest with you and keeping you aware of how they and her are managing.

If they can't cope with her on what I guess is Early Years Action Plus you need to apply for a statutory assessment which is the process of deciding if she qualifies for a statement. It would be better if the nursery requested it but you can if they won't.

If she gets a statement - it's a long-winded process - you can then name the school nursery if that is where you feel her needs are best met and she may well be given a place there even if they are full.

Part of me is just not sure anyway - I'm beginning to get that feeling that I don't want her away from me for so much time, I love her so much and these early years are so important. But then I also know how stressed I get when I do have to spend so much time with her, it's really not easy :( sometimes like having a big baby still - one who is much stronger, noisier and who the nappies hardly fit any more!!!

And I know there's so many others worse off than me, wish I could help them all too

It may still be worth beginning the statementing process so that there's lots in place for her when she starts school. Otherwise she may have to manage with inadequate provision for the first few months.

My dd attended private nursery. We got a staement for her whilst she was there and additional funding was provided to nursery for her to have 1:1 help. I have to admit though that when I went through this with older ds (when he was 3) it didn't work so well. DD's nursery just more willing to help. I would really go for statement. If your dd doesn't stay there at least you can use their inability to cope to back up your feeling that she needs 1:1 support in whatever setting she attends.