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Original poster

my ds isn't talking yet

21 replies

mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 17:43

Hi i was wondering if anyone can help me.

My ds is 22 months and he doesnt talk point or wave. Somehow he thinks that clapping his hands means hello (sometimes if someone says hello to him he claps his hands in response) I have tried reading books to him, he isn't interested. I dont know what to do anymore i feel like i'm to blame. It has now got to the point when people come up and try to speak to him i dread it as he either completely ignores them or puts his hands over his ears especially if hes on the bus or train, i've started making excuses like oh he's in a bad mood or he's shy etc.. What am i doing wrong, i can barely write this post as my eyes are filling up, i feel so useless.

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TotalChaos · 23/09/2010 18:09

Sorry you are having such a worrying time. Have you spoken to HV and/or GP about this? You would expect a child to be pointing and waving by 18 months tbh. Also worth getting your ds to have a hearing test, to rule that out as the cause of delayed speech.

in the meantime, some ideas of books and websites with helpful advice:

www.ican.org.uk
www.teachmetotalk.com
www.hanen.org

books
it takes two to talk by weitzman/pfeffer
parent's guide to speech and language problems by debbie feit
baby talk by sally ward

TotalChaos · 23/09/2010 18:10

if he can imitate well then worth trying out some signing with him - you do it along with saying the words, it just gives an extra visual clue as to what a word means iyswim. the sing and sign dvds or something special on cbeebies are good for that.

PolarEyes · 23/09/2010 18:21

Hi

Firstly, please don't feel useless or blame yourself.

from your post, I would suggest getting a referral to Speech and Language therapy. You can do this directly, no need to go via GP/HV. Whilst no words at 22 months may resolve itself, I would be a bit concerned at the lack of pointing and gestures. (pointing is generally expected to happen by 18 months as a rough guide). Again he is v young and there could be many reasons why he isn't yet, but I would get him on the waiting list now.

How does your DS communicate with you? e.g. if he wants a drink/snack/toy?

I would recommend books by Hanen for ideas of how to help your DS expand his communication.

May also be worth getting his hearing checked. What is your GP/HV like? I have been fortunate that mine were great but not all are. When I had concerns about my DS1 when he was the same age as your son, my HV did a referral for him to the paediatrician.

Your son's reaction to strangers is far from unusual at his age so I really wouldn't dwell on it. I found a smile and a shrug to the stranger attempting to talk to my DS1 was a sufficient response.

HTH

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 18:33

Thanks for replying!
he has had a referral to the ent specialist, we have seen her once as ds was in and out of hospital every 2 weeks in the winter. his hearing is perfect, i did say to the specialist in june that he wasnt talking pointing or waving she said if she still wasnt doing anything by his 2nd birthday they would investigate it further. Is it normal to feel like i'm to blame? i really think its my fault but i dont know what it is i could be doing better, i sing and talk to him all day. Thanks i will looks at those websites. I have tried baby signing he isnt interested. he doesn't communicate at all, i get a moan and i'm supposed to work out what that means.

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Marne · 23/09/2010 18:57

Please don't feel its your fault, it deffently is not your fault.

My dd2 was the same at your ds's age, we managed to get a referral at the age of 2 years, dd2 was non-verbal, non responsive to most people and would cover her ears. We were referred to a speach therapist first who referred her to a special needs nursery, within weeks she was communicating with pictures (instead of dragging me towards what she wanted). Dd2 was diagnosed with Autism (not saying this is what your ds has) at the age of 3. She's now 4 and talking, pointing and rarely holds her ears.

If you are worried then push for a early referral. You know your child best and if you think there is a problem then you need to convince your GP.

TotalChaos · 23/09/2010 19:04

have you got a follow up appointment with ENT again? when the specialist said about investigating it further, did she mean the hospital would or just that he should get referred for speech therapy? just asking as consultant to consultant referral can be quicker than from a GP sometimes...

would also suggest using pictures and photos with your DS. also if his expressive language is delayed he may also be behind with his understanding of language, so worth using gestures/pictures/objects as well as language to give him more "clues". e.g if getting him to choose between apple juice and orange juice, to have the cartons with you when you say the words.

Lougle · 23/09/2010 19:15

I have vivid memories of my DD1 at a young age. My Mum had looked after her and was suffering quite badly from depression. I got home and saw that her drink cup was in the same posistion as when I had left. I asked how much she had had to drink and my Mum realised that she hadn't. I went mad and my Mum was so sorry, then she said "she didn't ask". I remember saying "DD1 doesn't know how to ask yet, Mum."

She was my first, and I had no idea, at that time, just how abnormal it was that DD1 didn't ask for her drink. I don't mean the verbalisation, but she didn't ask, or communicate thirst, hunger, etc at all.

It was 2 years later that she had her brain malformation diagnosed.

I have 2 other daughters (younger) and as they have grown, I have realised all the more that it isn't the words, but the communication that was missing with DD1.

You have had great suggestions, so please don't worry. DD1 at 4.9 now, has a severe Speech and Language delay, and in fact she attends special school, but she is communicating, she expresses her wants, needs and opinions. It is harder for her to say what she wants and needs, but she manages in her own way.

mumu80 · 23/09/2010 19:31

HHi there i am feeling your pain, i am in the exact same position my ds in 2.5, i know the frustration you must be feeling.
I dont know why we make excuses like they are tired or they must be hungry but we do,dont feel bad for it and please dont feel like a bad mother, coming on here to look for a solution to the problem proves that you love your wee one and want help for them.
As above everyone has given you great advice, just try hang in there and hope for some improvment and try not beat your self up about it, i guarantee its not you fault.

PolarEyes · 23/09/2010 19:36

I have a copy of the Baby Talk book by Sally Ward that I will gladly send on if you want it.

As for feeling to blame, that is definitely something I did. My son screamed blue murder if I sang to him (I am honestly not that bad!) and looked straight through me as a I wittered on to him. I felt like a terrrible mother, but I wasn't to know then that he didn't pick up language and communication in a typical way. Things did improve, cutting my language right back to the bare bones helped, as did visual clues as marne and totalchaos have mentioned. These days he is even quite partial to my singing!

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 19:45

yes total we have to go back to the ent specialist at the end of november. He kept getting ear and throat infections constantly, i explained that it is usually when winter sets in that ds's health deteriorates and we end up in hospital. I discussed my concerns about his communication and the ent specialist said some children can be slower than others, but as you have all confirmed i should be at least getting some pointing by this point. Should i wait until my appointment in november or should i go and see my gp sooner?

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saintlydamemrsturnip · 23/09/2010 21:25

we've been talking on the other thread.

Yes to Sally Ward - do take PolarEyes up on her offer- great book. Helps whether a child has SN or is just a bit late developing.

I would go earlier to get a referral. I can point you in the direction of some online tests that provide a report that might help for a referral if you wish. They have a small fee but I think worth it if you are struggling to get someone to listen to you. They look at things like pointing.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 21:35

that would be great saintly and polar thank you very much that would be a big help will i pm my address to you?

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TotalChaos · 23/09/2010 21:39

yes, agree with saintlydame, I'ld go and see GP sooner, rather than wait till November, as waiting times to see speech therapy and/or paediatrician can be several months, it varies so much from area to area, and there may be a delay with seeing ENT (not unheard of for appointments to get cancelled these days)....

saintlydamemrsturnip · 23/09/2010 21:39

Here's a link to my blog mummy with a link to the post talking about Forepath who provide the online screening.

Please though bear in mind I am not suggesting your son is autistic - my blog is about autism because that's what my son has - but Forepath screening is broader and looks at language/communication in general.

It might help get a referral if you are having problems with HV's etc.

PolarEyes · 23/09/2010 21:45

yes pm me your address and I'll get it in the post to you either tomorrow or Mon.

negligentmummy · 23/09/2010 21:45

we went to a drop in assessment for speech and language when we first noticed DD1 speech was not developing properly. From there we were put straight on the waiting list for speech therapy- no need to get a referral from GP or HV that way. Speech therapist then referred to pediatrician for further assessments etc. Still trying to get to the bottom of myriad of problems, but we're def moving in the right direction.
The feelings of guilt remain though- I KNOW they are irrational and that I'm doing everything possible to help, but there you are- can't help your sub conscious can you. Just know that you're not alone in thinking it!

2shoes · 23/09/2010 21:50

dd used to get loads of ear infections, the ENT consultant said that it was pretty much the same one, just that the anti biotics were clearing it, so he put her on (sorry can't think of the medical term for it) a small dose of anti biotics all through the winter, is solved the problem

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 21:54

yes 2shoes the specialist said if ds had another ear infection they would put him on an intensive 6 week course of antibiotics then if that did'nt work antibiotics. So far we haven't had any problem but winter isn't that far away now and i suppose thats when we'l know.

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saintlydamemrsturnip · 23/09/2010 22:03

He may grow out of them mummy. Ds1 and ds3 had repeated ear infections. Ds1 had repeated antibs, ds3 didn't but they both stopped getting them around 2 and a half.

2shoes · 23/09/2010 22:05

ds was the same, loads and loads of infections, drove me mad

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 22:45

ment gromits Blush oops!

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