Getting changed for PE... AIBU

[roundwindow]

Hi all,

I'm feeling pretty bloomin livid with DS1's school today and am hoping some of you might have similar experiences and can advise me (or tell me if I'm expecting too much!)

DS1 (6, in y2) has a developmental delay and social communication issues. He also really struggles with his fine motor skills so finds handwriting, using cutlery, etc. very difficult. He's on School Action Plus.

The issue that's bugging me is that whenever they do PE at school he seems to come out of school with his clothes on back to front, inside out and/or his shoes on the wrong feet. This has been going on since he started but after reception year I started to feel like we needed to intervene and gently request that he's given more help. I just feel that a duty of care to DS extends to making sure he looks presentable and is comfortable.

DS, of couse, is oblivious to social norms so couldn't care less but as he does quite enough by himself to alienate himself from his peers I think that adults in charge of him ought to intervene where we can in terms of upping his social acceptability. I know I wouldn't let him go round looking like that at home/out and about. Also, surely it must be quite uncomfortable to have your shoes on the wrong feet all day?

I know that class teachers struggle to help a whole class and appreciate that they get them to do it themselves as a way of developing independence but the fact is DS1 CAN'T. It's not that he's lazy, it's not that I haven't bothered to try to develop these skills at home, he just simply CAN'T. I know I'm feeling emotive right now but if they're actually refusing to accomodate the level of care he requires because he 'should' be able to do it, then it seems to me the modern day equivalent of putting a dunce cap on him and encouraging all the other kids to point and laugh

Anyway, I've spoken to teachers about this probably about ten times now. The reason I'm so fuming today is that the last time I spoke to his teacher was only YESTERDAY morning. I also spoke to the head saying I appreciate the class teacher may have too much on her plate but please can someone be made available for just 5 minutes to help him when they're getting changed.

And yet today he comes out again, shoes on the wrong feet, t-shirt inside out, clothes falling out of his pe bag as he exits the gate . She was right there and as I pointed out to DS that his shoes were on the wrong feet she didn't say anything, just mumbled something about having asked the whole class if they all had their shoes. His IEP and several reports all state quite clearly that he often doesn't hear instructions when addressed to a large group.

So I'm just wondering: am I being too precious and emotional about this issue? And where do I go when I've already taken it up with school verbally and they seem to ignore my request? When I've already been to the head and got nowhere, what's the equivalent of asking for the manager?

I also wrote a letter to the head last term to complain when he came home with two deep scratches on his face which none of the staff told me about and when I asked at the gate nobody could tell me what happened. I wrote to ask for clarification that the incident had been recorded and to raise my concern about DS's safety in the plaground and have had no reply to that letter

Where do I go from here? Does anyone have any similar experiences?

i have had very similar experiences, even today ds (yr 2, coming up to age 7) came out with his trouser's on back to front. he is exactly the same as your ds and has all the same issues! my ds has a medical condition which affects his development.

does your ds see the OT? my ds had one assessment about a year ago and they gave him a special knife, fork and spoon which are specially designed with groove to help, they also recommended to the school that they get special scissors (They are like a continuous loop rather than two holes for your fingers).

i have bought my son black nike trainers as school shoes because they have the tick on them on the outside, that is how he remembers which feet to put them on (most of the time it works-much better than normal school shoes though). as for his other clothes, he is often back to front, etc. luckily for him his class mates are very helpful. his school is not in a very good area of our town but it has a high number of children who have some sort of special needs so they are well prepared and very accommodating. that is why we chose the school.

do they have a SENCO you could speak to? or a special needs assistant?

Thanks for the reply. Yes, he's due to get an OT referral soon, school have asked us to persue it for his handwriting issues but you've inspired me to make sure we ask about cutlery too.

We've seen quite a lot of the SENco (she was also his class teacher for the past 2 years) and on this particular issue always seems like she understands but nothing ever changes.

Don't think his school is particularly well set-up for special needs, weren't aware this was going to be an issue when we were looking round for a school

Are you generally happen with the level of suport being on school action plus provides?

Can you you get it written into his IEP that teacher is check ds is correctly dressed after PE?

CPerhaps write a letter to the SENCo copied to the school governor responsbile for SEN with your concerns thast nothing seems to change follwng your meetings - a bit nuclear but sounds like you are running out of options

That's a good idea to try to get it written into his IEP, thanks. Have his termly review meeting coming up so can raise it then. But feel it might be worth writing a letter as well, just not sure who to. It's a tiny school and the SENco governer is a lovely lady who comes in to help with reading and has been in on previous termly review meetings, so it's all a bit awkward.

It is awkward but this lady signed up to be governor so she may well be (certainly should be) more up to it than you think.

I cuold have written this arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh feel your pain!!!

mumoftrio, I think unless anyone's been in our situation they won't really understand why it's such a big deal Maybe that's why I'm having such trouble getting through to school on this one.

my ds finally fell cracked his head horrendously black and blue with shoes on wrong feet :(

Not Only were ds trousers on backwards the other day after pe at school - they were not pull ups that he had on that day. So he was sent out of school in back to front trousers that he couldn't walk in that were falling down as they were unfastened.

My DS needs a lot of help dressing due to motor skill and other physical problems. His special school timetable an activity group where TAs work with physios and OTs to help the kids develop skills. One half term the theme was dressing and we were sent a copy of the plans. There were sessions on Superheroes/Super Heroes/Superheros (they couldn't even be consistent with the spelling) and the sort of clothes they wear; sessions on appropriate clothing (e.g according to the weather). Eventually there was a session on putting on their jumper/cardigan BACK TO FRONT. You couldn't make it up.

I think its unacceptable.

Perhaps you should write to the Head teacher and copy in SENCO. Schools seem to respond better when its in writing.

Have you tried visual sequencing charts?

Unacceptable, write a firm bot polite letter stating your concerns, linking to his IEP. That should be reviewed termly, ours are due in October.
Targets on it should be SMART, so get the PE/dressing?help written in as one, parents are entitled to input in an IEP.
Teacher sounds muddled so you may need to give her bullet pointed advice along the lines of:
"DS will not hear a general instruction, so any request or instruction needs to be tagged with his name and you need to check he's aware."
Duty of care, they need to get their act together.

Thanks, guys. Spoke to the head this morning and she was much more sympathetic this time, said she's going to bring it up again with his class teacher. I'm definitely going to get something in writing and put it as an item for his IEP. Just hope this doesn't antagonise his class teacher too much, hate the idea of her seeing me as a 'problem parent'

SHOCKING - yanbu

I would never let a kid leave school dresssed incorrectly. If someone has a jumper on wrong or shoes on the wrong feet then we sort it out. It's not actually that dignified for the kid to leave school and be clocked by the other parents (who put 2+2 together and come up with 5...)

The teacher can easily sort this out - do point out that if trousers are on the wrong way round then they will be dealing with a wee accident or, indeed, fall over.

There is absolutely no need for this.

Complain and to hell with what the teacher thinks.

Hi roundwindow,

TBH if the school are acting like this towards your boy I would look for another school.

Do not consider yourself either as being a "problem parent" here; you are your child's best - AND ONLY - advocate. You are by far and away the best person to fight his corner for him.

I would also counsel that you apply for a Statement from your LEA for your son (my son was originally dx's with developmental delay and has a Statement). SA plus is not worth the paper its written on nor are IEPs especially if poorly written and not properly followed (another name for them on here is individual empty promise).

Re the OT if you can afford it, go private. NHS waiting lists are horrendously long.

Thank you, thank you. So nice to feel supported and backed-up. I will be a much stronger advocate for my gorgeous boy as a result

Oh, and I've been advised by teachers/paed/Ed Psych that HE WILL NOT GET A STATEMENT as apparently they're cutting down on the amount they're issuing round here and he's not 'extreme' enough.

Well, if they carry on ignoring his needs then soon he will much much worse and then they'll be shitting themselves panicking.

I actually thought statements were being given more frequently now.

I feel sure there are better schools out there for your ds.

I've had the same as you roundwindow. He will not get a statement as he can 'access' education with the extra support he already has. school is good at action plus, but like you - when he comes out after PE, it's usually the other parents that'll tell me that he's 'looked like he's done PE today'. yr3 now and still sweatshirt with badge back to front, no socks as he struggles with those in the time given etc, etc. But worse than that, he comes out with food all over his face. I can kind of accept the argument in classes of 30 that teachers do not notice shoes on wrong feet, tops back to front etc, but surely they look at their faces?

roundwindow

"Not extreme enough" - they're just telling you lies.

Ignore these nay-sayers (if I had £1 for every time I have heard such bs uttered by such people I would be a quite wealthy woman!) and apply for the statement asap on your DS's behalf. They do not make such a decision re whether a statement gets issued or not because the LEA do that. If the LEA refuse your request you appeal their crass decision.

Look at IPSEA's website re statementing as this is helpful www.ipsea.org.uk.

I would also reconsider sending your DS to this school at all if this is their attitude as even if he had a Statement in place they would likely be no better.

If it makes you feel better DS3 (my NT one) regularly comes out of school with his trousers on back to front; he is 6 too. He is not the only one either, so maybe your DS doesn't stand out as much as you think he does!

Sprinkle - we were told the same thing about statements being given more frequently by portage when we were going through SA with DS1. It must depend on the LA, unfortunately.

My DS1 has only come out of school with clothes on the wrong way round a couple of times and on both occasions, his TA was highly apologetic because he was determined to do it all himself and refused any offers of help. And I know what he's like so understood completely. He's got better at dressing himself since being medicated for his ADHD but it's still a real battle getting him to make sure it's all on correctly and to put things right when he's got it wrong!

"Just hope this doesn't antagonise his class teacher too much, hate the idea of her seeing me as a 'problem parent"

roundwindow, you are a concerned and supportive parent who is very aware of the specific support her son needs, and is prepared to go to some trouble to ensure the school and the parent can work towards the mutual goal of him hacving an excellent school experience.

That's what I told DS's school.
When they got it wrong, that's when they learned what a problem parent really consisted of. Right up their collective noses.
Goblin

Thanks Goblin, will be borrowing that fantastically-coined phrase in the future I'm sure