So the eye contact thing?!

[lisad123isgoingcrazy]

DD1 isnt too bad with people she knows and as long as shes not upset. DD2 is terrible. Never really had any advice on weather we should insist on eye contact? I know school i used to work on use to insist on trying to make contact but im not 100% sure its right tbh.
TIA

I was told not to insist by pead.

I don't insist on eye contact with DS1, but I have heard that it can be helpful to teach DCs to look over the shoulder of the person they are talking to, or at their mouth so they are at least looking in the right direction when talking to people - when DS was 5 if people tried talking to him walking up to him from behind he would answer their questions with his back to them. Now at least I have taught him to turn around...

I don't think i have AS but I find it very very hard to try and make eye contact with people I am talking to, so I tend to lip read. Since reading about AS for info on DS I have tried making eye contact with people and it literally makes my stomach churn! Although I do manage it with the other DSs, I don't feel they are looking into my soul like adults are.

I don't insist with ds tbh.. ( he finds it uncomfortable.. Bit like me finding constantly looking at a spider a bit off! :))

what we have taught him ( for other peoples benefit rather than his) is to do the eyebrow lip and nose look!

It make him look as if he is looking without actually having to look :)

It's a useful social skill to have, but if the child is not really into it I wouldn't insist.

DD is scared by eyes so we dont insist...she just finds them confusing and panics.

I encourage ds2 to look towards the person but i don't insist on eye contact as such.
although tbh his eye contact isn,t too bad

My ds (aged 8) has developed his own method of dealing with eye contact.

There I was stoopidly thinking he had somehow developed good eye contact - then he told me a couple of weeks ago, that he actually looks at peoples' noses rather than into in their eyes.

Apparently, he fixes his gaze just below the bridge of the nose, so low enough to avoid eye contact, but not so low that people think he isn't making eye contact. He said he has tried a few different tactics, but this is the best one for not getting into trouble at school with the "look at me when I am speaking to you" type tellings off etc.

I was very impressed and proud of him for developing such an effective coping strategy.

DS will only do eye contact on his own terms and then it is very full on and only for a short time

TBH I hate making eye contact too so I would never force him to as I know how uncomfortable it feels

agree with LMG and anon - encourage looking in the general direction, but don't force eye contact. I am probably borderline for AS, and find eye contact v. difficult (sufficiently difficult that I have always had to rely on the professionals opinion about DS;s eye contact!). Also some people on the spectrum find they can either give eye contact or listen properly - doing both at once is too difficult iyswim.

oh and Lisa - DS's eye contact was described as "fleeting" at 3 - but it really improved as his receptive language improved - so it's not necessarily set in stone that it's always going to be that bad.

I wouldn't try to froce it either.

DD2's last teacher believes eye contact can be painful for children on the spectrum? I think she meant in sensory way, like a loud noise..