OMG loads of dc having sch probs

[want2sleep]

It's all kicking off today between me amber and few others....mind you deb40 your ds must be doing great!

I went through ds file over weekend at least laast year it didnt start till Nov time...but day blardy 1:(

School dont help they just resist and make out they know best half time have not a clue...ds got to stand at gates and watch the boy who has been attacking ds for months....ds was terrified and wet himself today:(

Oh boy...can see ds off for rest of year before end of term!

It is a bad week isn't it. I think our dcs have tried so hard and can't keep it up any longer. So difficult for everyone.

I have come to feel that school just doesn't seem to work for some, even with school doing their best. And as for the ones where school isn't supportive it has been a real eye-opener coming on here.

Either way it takes over life and makes it so hard to have a sense of reality. I am lucky enough to have a couple of really good friends, but I get very cut off from real life - thank goodness for the MN world(well this bit anyway, I have never dared venture anywhere else!!).

me neither started here two years ago...it is fab:) feels like the only place i have ever fitted in!

Do you worry Amber about when your ds gets older and not coping with school then? Your ds is (should be) fulltime...how old is your ds?

My ds just turned six 6 weeks ago so younger in class as well as the asd. Been trying to integrate ds for 3yrs into school now up to 10 hrs but ds is struggling with that because of sensory overload and anxiety...does your ds have same issues?

I do worry very much (but trying to do the one day at a time thing - already feel sick every day when I wake up).

DS is 9, anxiety seems to be the main block but definitely sensory issues too. I think he has really disconnected. This has been going on for months. He has not had the same traumatic experience as your ds but somehow it all adds up to something he cannot face any more.

I took ds out of school to home ed two years ago for countless reasons, all related to lack of support. He was almost ten with AS but nothing he received in two primary schools was of any value - IMO it was more of a box-ticker to show they'd provided 'something'. He got steadily worse as time went on.

I totally agree with Ampersand that school just doesn't work for some children. Since we've been out of the school system I've had several professionals (OT, SALT etc) say the same thing but they would never say that officially. A locum doctor even suggested I consider HE when I requested a sick note for stress for ds a few weeks before I deregistered him permanently.

A couple of weeks ago I asked ds how he felt about so many of his friends moving up to high school and he wasn't - it's a bit of a a rite of passage and was concerned he might feel he was missing out. He just said "I'm glad it's not me."

I'm not flag-waving for HE by any means - I know it isn't a possibility for a lot of people nor something they'd choose - I just wanted to add that I feel the same way about schools generally not providing adequately for children like ours. Parents who find good, supportive schools for their children are very, very lucky indeed.

Best of luck to those who are struggling with the new school year. Lots of my rl friends are going through the same and I hope you all can get things sorted and your kids settled.

Amber ds was retching, scratching, escaping to toilet, giggling and hands over his ears before the bullying for months also bbut wasnt until this he started to really refuse to go to school as well terrified!

S?treakybacon I do feel for you it's stressful home edding, I have been doing it since ds was 2yrs but with very slow integration which doest seem to reduce and sensory/anxiety esp now with bullying so much has been undone!
I can see ds ending up home ed full time like your ds, as would prefer it at home all the time:(

The only thing that helps is that your ds is happier at home and not wanting to be at school but to anxious to go iygwim.
Have you looked into these internet schools streaky? Does the LEA provide home ed to help?

I mostly focus on social and emotional development, independence, personal skills, though obviously there's a lot of academic work going on as well. He's a very bright lad and excels in some subjects but his emotional deficits make it hard for him to write longer answers in others - English is quite difficult for him though he has all the technical skills, he just finds it hard to put his ideas together into coherent answers.

He's definitely a lot happier nowadays, has more of a social life and sees more people he considers to be friends than ever before (he was usually too stressed after school to make it to clubs and activities etc, so they fell by the wayside). He's learning much better too, both academically and socially, and I've never regretted my decision for a moment even though it's incredibly hard work. The key IMO is consistency - we've always put in loads of successful strategies to support ds at home but none of them were implemented at school so he didn't know whether he was coming or going. Must have been hugely frustrating for him .

We get no practical help from the LEA because we're fully deregistered and not on the roll of any school, but at least our LEA is beginning to recognise their limited understanding of monitoring HE in the past and are doing their best to provide a support service. It's a start, but essentially we're on our own. Tbh I like it that way because I know I'm providing what he needs and I get no interference from 'professionals' telling me otherwise. I'm in charge .

Overall, I'm just glad my boy is happy and thriving in a way I know he never would have been able to in school. His progress will follow a different path to his school-educated peers but I'm looking ahead at the adult who'll come through this at 25 rather than key stages etc.

Again, apologies to anyone who might think I'm 'flag-waving' and trying to promote HE as the right approach for everyone. It is very successful for us but I recognise it's not an option that's open to everyone.

Steaky one one hand \I know how hard is home eding and on the other wish ds was home edded now full time as regressing BIG time all over anxiety in school. Ds doesnt want to now play at all this going back about 3 yrs for him:(

You are doing a fantastic job Streaky and wish I had your strength...I am finding the Home Ed more tiring and these days I just manage it. It is hard having 'professionals' saying what to do with ds and ignore me who really no one knows ds better. Ds retched 5 times getting ready this morning and pleaded with me in car to take him home, it's heart breaking esp at age 6yrs.

Why is it that some kids are like this with ASD and are not?

I am trying to get ds into small ind school that thrive on their 'geeky' kids and this is my last attempt otherwise ds will remain 70%at home otherwise for a long long time.

Streaky - really glad you have found the strength to work out what is the right thing and do it - I admire you for that. I don't think I would be that great at it but certainly have not discounted it altogether so it is interesting to hear other experiences.

Have just done something I thought I would never do - school make me feel (probably part me being oversensitive) that if only I could get him in it would be fine. So I have just manhandled ds into the car in his pyjamas and turned up with him - they then advocated 'tough love' so i dragged him forcefully out of the car and carried him in, leaving him in tears with his clothes and shoes. So they can see it once but I swear i will never do it again - I cried all the way home. He is 9 fgs. Teacher said he would never do that again - rubbish, we have tried it on and off since he was 5. Tbh he doesn't give a stuff about clothes etc and has happily gone around in pjs before when I have had to give up the fight and get somewhere.

I am sure they will tell me this afternoon that he is fine and cheered up immediately, but we will cop it tonight, or it will be worse tomorrow - and I am not being negative, i just know my child.

It is a real stalemate - I feel for you Want2 as it sounds like you have hit the same wall.

Oh your poor boy Ampersand

This was the direction things were starting to go for my boy. He was being restrained at the drop of a hat for minor behaviours (usually in response to not being supported in the first place), even though I'd advised staff strongly that doing so would make matters worse and would head him towards violent meltdowns. At first I went with it because I think we do - we allow ourselves to be swept up in these expectations that it's an OK thing to do with a distressed child but I reached the point where I felt it did more harm than good.

I had spent several years trying to get schools and other professionals to listen to me and eventually the penny dropped that they'd never help him the way he needed and I had to act quickly to prevent further damage.

You're absolutely right not to force him into school this way again. There's no way that will help and it's almost certain to give him a much stronger school phobia which will be much harder to break.

Hope he's OK when you get him home from school today. Take care.

I've been in school today about my dd2. The head says this is the most common week for problems as they've done the settling in period and have started the proper work now.Not sure if thats the issue for all but its certainly an interesting point.

My son didn't refuse to go to school yesterday, for a change. He refused to come home!

There was an after school art and craft group and he wanted to stay for it, even though he'd have no support and I hadn't signed him up for it because there's no way I could pick up DS2 and then him an hour later. He was simply not leaving that building! It took 2 of us to get him out and I had to drag him most of the km home - just glad I'd taken DS2 in the buggy. It's football tonight and after the fiasco with that, last year, he's not doing that either. Should be fun. Not.

And i realised, yesterday, that thanks to him growing and me nursing a cold and a dodgy shoulder, I can no longer carry him when he's having a meltdown. Ouch.

Oh want2sleep that is lousy.

We were doing great but it has gone a bit pear shaped over the last few days!

Yesterday was bad, but today was a nightmare getting him in. Nothing was right - his clotehs, his socks, his shoes.

He usually goes in early to get into class first but we were late because of the fussing and that meant that the class was full of kids so he wouldn't go in.

I had to leave in reception and drop poor DS2 off in the infants' corridor(he has just started school) and then waive at his teacher to come out of class.

He did, bless him, (last year's moronic job share wouldn't have) and he came to talk to DS and we persuaded him to go in.

Oh God, here we go again for morning stress. I thought it was too good to last.