Tantrum about school for the last two days... it is starting!

[genieinabottle]

DS (asd, nearly 5) has never refused to go to nursery before. Despite his language delays and other difficulties he has always enjoyed going.
Now he has started MS school (action +) last week and last friday and this morning, got really upset when he saw his schol uniform, threw himself on the floor, crying 'no school again...i want to go to nursery'

School despite promises of putting this and that in place have done nothing. They are not even using Pecs timeline which really helps DS when he is unsure and anxious.
So this morning again i spoke to TA about using a timeline and a sandtimer as they were having difficulties last week with DS getting up and walking over to the toys during carpet time.
She said "no need i'll just sit next to him"

They either don't give a s**t about helping DS or just don't understand ASD!!

I was fuming, and told her we have had a bad week end with lots of stimming and tears. She looked at me and said we haven't noticed that in school! So i said 'well maybe he is bottleling (sp??) it up and letting it go when he is at home, because DS is passive in his autism as Camhs have said'
She looked at me as if i was crazy!!
I told her DS will not be going in full-time next week if his behaviours at home keep getting worse.

ARGHHHHH!!!!

Poor ds. Have you an autism outreach team in your LEA? My dd2 was referred to this team and the outreach teacher has been going in weekly. It might be that the school would start doing what they should be doing if they had someone else on their case. The outreach teacher would also make / lend the resources to the school and make sure they actually use them. Have you thought about a statement. Unfortunately it's the only way to legally tie schools down to providing what is required. In the meantime, I would put your concerns in writing to the head and ask for a meeting to discuss they way forward.

I think it may be true that children act up more at home if they've had a more energy-consuming day at school (I know mine does - good behaviour at nursery equals hyperactivity at home), but they should obviously listen to what you're telling them about strategies. You're helping them out ffs.
This begs the question: have you got a statement?

sounds like you need to request a meeting with the SENco to air your concerns.

...sound like were having similar difficulties. See my thread about moving schools. It seems if they 'appear ok' then school wont listen or support them.

I feel your frustration. :(

woolytree

ds started school this term. ok so far at school but massive almighty tantrums at weekend. lying down shouting and sobbing on the ground at the playground after we took him off swings to give other child ago. i have a thick skin but even for me it was pretty embarrassing as i felt my parenting skills were probably being judged by all and sundry.

.....hardly any parents at our school know DD has ASD...or any SN....I think they think shes rude for not answering them.
On the first day I heard a Mum having judgey pants about ASD...another older DC...so I kept my mouth shut...for now.

Group hugs needed!!!

It seems par for the course for school to say " but we don't see any issues here" and then to have the fallout at home ( in a safe environment for our dc's).

And then to have school refusal!

might be worth a meeting with the SENco :)

genie

I was afraid school were going to muck you about here with your DS becoming really upset as a result and I have unfortunately been proven right.

I agree with Arsenic; many schools do not see the breakdowns after school as these children internalise all their anxieties and frustrations.

It may be that ultiamtely genie, you will need to find your DS another school. He certainly needs the support the previous language unit gave him (and for that now to happen you need a Statement).

You absolutely have to apply for the Statement if you have not already done so. You have really no other option now but to do this. Your DS will continue to not have his needs met otherwise with all the fallout that follows.

Thanks for the replies.

Sorry wasn't ignoring the posts, had to go out and pick DS up.
Went to the school office to see about a meeting with Senco.
She has just phoned me up and we have appointment for wednesday morning. I will air my concerns and as DH said he wants to come along, i know he will not take any bulls**t !!

As we were walking back home as i was trying to talk about his morning at school, all DS kept saying was he wants to go to nursery.

Good luck for Wednesday. Do take DH along with you as well and make written notes.

Let us know what happens at this meeting.

good luck genie.

I think it is important to write down exactly what you want out of the meeting so that you don't get distracted and come out with only half your points made (happened many times to me)

Thanks for advice. Will do that. {smile]

Quick tip for meeting .. Take an agenda .. Bullet pointed areas of concern/what you want in place is fine.
Head meeting going through points one at a time.. Writing down the response you get for each point..
Ask SENco and anyone else at the meeting to sign to agree what was said.
( they may not like this and may refuse..you can just say it's for your own clarification that everyone agrees)
follow up with a letter of clarification of the meeting, what the points were and actions to follow ( including time scale if stated.. Try and get them to state this in the meeting ).

I know it sounds a lot.. But we in the past have had a lot of " we didn't agree such action" when they damn well did.. And this basically stops it. ( I know go along the lines of letting school know I'm going to cc the letter , just to keep all people who work with ds in the picture of what we are doing).

If you have any outside agencies working with you on a regular basis .. It can be very handy to then cc the letter to whoever is involved ( say an EP or camhs etc).. And make that cc visable on the origional letter to school.

Thanks for info.
I will also take the latest EP report we received during the summer, as it has a summary about the transition meeting we all had in May. It has written on there all the wonderful things and strategies school were going to put in place and haven't done so.

Hi genie

Words are cheap I am sorry to say particularly when it comes to getting additional support needs met. This was a report with no legal clout so its fallen down. Its actions that matter and this lot have failed your DS and you to date. In my experience of all this the only way the school have taken proper notice of additional needs is for the child to have a statement.

DS is now at secondary but I have seen too many good kids fall behind their potential. As for SA plus it is to my mind not worth the paper its written on. There's no real funding for it.

EP report is really only useful for statementing process as their words have some clout with that particular decision.
I am wondering if they will also mention the word "statement" to you and if they do in what context.

Genie, my offer still stands that I'd write the letter and you sign it Start stamping your feet and being heard.