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Original poster

Massive, massive school refusing today

51 replies

KatyMac · 20/09/2010 08:05

Poor DD

I wish I could 'fix' it for her

OP posts:
Original poster
KatyMac · 20/09/2010 11:04

I guess she ha been doing for a good few (7-13) months Sad

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silverfrog · 20/09/2010 11:11

claw is right - you need a plan in place to help with the toilet issue (I know this is possibly the tip of the iceberg, but it is an important tip!)

dd1 refuses to use the toilet at school (right form botched attempt at potty training by incompetent nursery - she is now 6!)

we work closely with the school, as the knock on is huge. dd1 regulates her drinking so that she doesn't need to go at school, which has obvious health implications (some days she will only drink 100ml or so, all day)

Katy, you need to be jumping up and down and shouting lots about this.

you disagree with the school's and professionals' views on how your dd should be treated (and with good reason, imo), and now she is beginning to school refuse - you need to be flagging this up and linking it to the school, the LEA, camhs, everybody really.

was she refusing school as often when she had (limited) support last term?

Claw3 · 20/09/2010 11:15

Katy, thats just not good enough. Physically it can lead to urine/kidney infections. I suffered badly with these as a teenager, it would hurt to wee, so i would hold onto it, making it worse.

No one should be expected not to use the loo all day. She might even be reducing her fluid intake to avoid going to the loo, something else i did.

Original poster
KatyMac · 20/09/2010 11:16

No - not at all. She was loving school

I suppose I must - but I have no idea how

I'll have a chat & see what I can do

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Claw3 · 20/09/2010 11:16

Hi silver x posted!

silverfrog · 20/09/2010 11:19

well, there is the proof to shove under their noses - your way (well not really, but at least more your way than now!) dd was not refusing school.

she, presumably, felt more secure, less anxious, and more relaxed, able to attempt to go about her day.

school has withdrawn this support, and now she is scared, anxious, withholding toiletting needs (a well known control issue - right form toddlers upwards - used by children who feel out of control and want to try to get a grip ontheir world), andnow, ultimately refusing school.

school really need to start working on you with this, before it escalates even further.
or, drastically, I suppose - is there another school option?

silverfrog · 20/09/2010 11:20

hi claw - how is everything going? how is the dog? and ds' anxiety?

Claw3 · 20/09/2010 11:25

Taking dog to vets at 2pm. Ds is another thread, wont hijack this one! thanks for asking.

Original poster
KatyMac · 20/09/2010 11:35

I know I have to do something - I just don't know what

School is.......tricky

Other local comp is not great
Private schools are out of our league so my parents would have to pay
HE is a real possibility

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Original poster
KatyMac · 20/09/2010 12:33

Am I pandering to her if I throw a party for no reason.....just because?

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asdx2 · 20/09/2010 13:13

No not at all dd and I are planning a party on Friday for her doll. She has the full works including friends, games and presents. It happens every year and is a distraction for her after going back to school.

Original poster
KatyMac · 20/09/2010 13:19

Oh good

I get worried (they think) I am pandering to her

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Claw3 · 20/09/2010 13:26

Katymac, a party sounds like fun and may well take her mind off of her worries for short time, but its not going to solve the problem.

Perhaps you could start by simply saying to school you appreciate that they have taken it on board and are thinking of ideas, but your dd cannot use the toilet and it must be very uncomfortable for her and a danger to her health. You would like them to put something in place urgently, as your dd is refusing school and you do not want it to escalate. By email if you would rather not say it in person.

A party is the least of your worries, school might well be tricky, but if your dd is suffering because of it, you have to take the bull by the horns.

c0rns1lk · 20/09/2010 13:27

sod what they think Katy - a party sounds fab and they don't have to know anyway

Original poster
KatyMac · 20/09/2010 13:53

I know it won't cure anything

But will it make things worse?

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Original poster
KatyMac · 20/09/2010 15:41

Guess what?

Everything's fine now Hmm

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c0rns1lk · 20/09/2010 16:53

eh? with dd you mean?

Original poster
KatyMac · 20/09/2010 17:12

Yep - happy, bubbly not upset at all

No problems at all

I wonder what tomorrow morning will be like Hmm

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c0rns1lk · 20/09/2010 17:51

that's a good sign though surely!

Original poster
KatyMac · 20/09/2010 19:24

Oh I do hope so

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c0rns1lk · 20/09/2010 19:27

fingers crossed for you
It's just so stressful isn't it

Original poster
KatyMac · 20/09/2010 22:08

She's a bit weepy & not wanting to go to bed again

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c0rns1lk · 21/09/2010 13:43

how did it go today Katy?

Original poster
KatyMac · 21/09/2010 13:44

Today she was poorly but I sent her anyway

Cough, streaming nose, croaky throat, but at least it was verifiable

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c0rns1lk · 21/09/2010 13:50

Wow you're doing really well with her.