Ds refusing to go to playschool this morning

[redhappy]

He has been going since May (not including summer holidays of course) and has been absolutely fine, loves going, asks to go on his days off.

I have started a job in the last few weeks, not many hours a week, so fits in with playschool, so he has no reason to be unsettled because of my job because it hasn't changed anything for him.

On friday when I picked them up (his sister too) they were both v.v. tired, and apparently he had been crying for the last hour

I always get the feeling they don't believe me about asd, whenever I ask they say he's always fine, no probs at all at playschool.

This morning he has cried/screamed/shouted since he woke up, refusing to go. Has only calmed down slowly since I said he doesn't have to go to playschool. Have told work I can't come in.

I just feel so hopeless this morning! Just want to crumple and cry but I can't because there's so much to keep going. Nobody believes me he's autistic, which I know is a good sign that I'm doing the right things for him if he's relaxed , happy and progressing well. But I just feel so shattered and emotional, sometimes I think what if he hasn't got it and it must just be me not strong enough to cope with my normal child.

Anyway, not sure what I'm looking for here. Just to tell someone (you mners) who might understand. And if you can tell me how to make loads of money from home so I wont need to work and I can be there for my son and meet his needs that would be fab

Im always dubious of a school who always report no difficulties, everything fine. Usually means they are unable to recognise the signs and have no knowledge of ASD.

If he is refusing to go to school that is a massive big red flag that everything is NOT fine.

I will let you know if i discover a way to make loads of money from home, i havent found it yet

It is so hard isn't it. I am (was really) freelance, but have lost most of my work now due to long term school refusal by DS. Oh, that doesn't help with how to make loads at home, sorry. Too often I have had to work in the middle of the night when he was finally asleep but have put a stop to that for the sake of my sanity/health!

We get the same, 'he is happy once he is in' - but again he really isn't, we just get it at home as he won't/can't let them know there.

I can't offer any advice because we are still trying to work it out - but am sending lots of sympathy and understanding.

You are claiming for DLA aren't you?

Claw you are absolutely right. They haven't got a clue and everything is really not fine. Feel so exhausted by that thought. We were doing so well, nobody believed me anything was wrong because he (ds) and I had come so far together over the summer- speech, sharing, queues for the slide, not roaring at other children by way of greeting...

He did decide he was going in the end. We were 2 hours late, and I stayed to talk for another 30 minutes. Seems that when he is there he just plays on the computer the whole time. I knew he went on it more than the other children, and I don't really mind too much, we limit it at home and the most important thing is that he is happy at playschool. However, I'm seeing now they realy just don't know what to do with him. He is not obviously autistic I suppose. We don't have a diagnosis yet. But, he doesn't play with toys or other children, at all. He looks like he is, eg. he will stand next to a group of children and jump up and down and make random happy noises, so to the uneducated eye all is well.

No, we're not claiming DLA. Really don't know where to even start with that. We have seen paed once, and nobody else, he sleeps through the night and is toilet trained. Not sure what grounds we have to actually claim anything?

Everything is fine, ususally means he is not a problem to anyone else, so therefore doesnt have any problems.

Has anyone been into school to assess him?

Do you have a paed?

Has your ds had any assessments yet?

Does he receive any help in school?

Is he on the SN register?

Yes I agree. On friday apparently he was hopping about, so they asked him if he needed the toilet, took him through. He sat on the toilet and cried, getting more and more distressed. They said they assumed it was because he was tired because there was no reason for him to be upset. That says to me straight away that they don't get it.

This morning I explained to them about sensory perception being 'out of balance' and that whilst it may look like there's no problem, to him something could be very distressing.

No sign of senco. It is a playschool, not attached to a school. There is an area senco who appears to have gone AWOL. Have got her name now though and plan to track her down by telephone tomorrow. She kept cancelling when she was due to see him last term.

We have seen one paed- he was covering fro another who was off sick. She is now back and we are due to see her at thend of this month. I am planning to make her my 'point of contact', whether she likes it or not, and to tell her I am doing so.

No assessments whatever. Nothing, just the one paed appointment. There is no help or support at all. I think I took the pressure off a bit over the holidays because he was doing so well seemed a bit crazy to say we needed help because we really weren't struggling at all.

The word Autism only came up for us in April, so we are still on a steep learning curve I suppose. I need to remember to keep pushing even in the good times.

It does help seeing all the other posts on school refusers today though. Feel for you all but also glad to know I'm not alone, does feel like it a lot of the time.

Redhappy, sounds like you have it under control and Paed can refer you in all different directions for assessments.

Health Visitor is usually very helpful too (and doesnt come with a 6 month waiting list for an appointment!) she can refer too. When ds was about 2 years old, HV referred Ds to Dietitian, SALT and Paed.

Ds has been a school refuser in the past.

Good luck.

red hope your ds has better day going in today....but with ds gets harder through the week so I am guessing is for your ds also:(
I am armed with letter of complaint(thanks Lougle:)

Roll on half term:)

oh thankyou...you have no idea how much it means for someone to say that! Just realised nobody has ever said to me 'you're on top of it' ...probabaly plays a big part in how I'm feeling right now.

Taking ds to look round a school this morning so that should be fun!

Doesn't sound like the play school are being particularly helpful. Hope you manage to speak with the SENCO today.

Your paeds appointment will be the important one I think as at least you will know what the issues really are.
My DS got put on school action plus at pre-school, I can't remember who it was came out to assess him, the LEA possibly. I will try to find out later for you

You can claim DLA for children with autism. The link here might help you to see if you can claim.

Horrible application form though! Still ploughing through it myself.

Hope today goes better.

Thanks for the link, have ordered a copy of the guide.

I think it's not so much that they aren't being helpful, more they just don't have a clue! And up til now I suspect they didn't actually believe me. Probably thought the usual things about my parenting etc.

I'm 29 but I apparently look a lot younger and I find people make a lot of assumptions, treat me a certain way until they find out my age, and this especially goews for my parenting!

Redhappy, you are being assertive and are not willing to be fobbed off, thats half the battle won already.

Find out whether any of the staff at the school you are looking around today have any ASD training. Also whether the school have a FULL TIME SENCO, many only have a part time SENCO or SENCO can be the head teacher in very small schools.

Also schools with ASD unit attached, although your ds will not meet the requirements for an ASD unit at the moment, the staff in the MS part of the school will all have received training.

Finding a school that understand, is worth its weight in gold.

great, thanks. Have made appointment to see the senco after we look around. I don't have great hopes for this school actually, but trying to keep an open mind, and see how ds reacts to it of course!

Good luck, let us know how you get on.

well, we didn't make it! But actually I feel so much better.

Basically ds refusing to go anywhere again this morning. By the time he calmed down we were too late for the bus. So we set off with pushchair and buggyboard...the school is about 1.5 miles away uphill. By the time we were 30 minutes late I was exhausted hot sweaty and a bit shaky from the effort, and I suddenly realised, what am I fighting for?

So, I crossed that school off the list, and I'm left with 2 schools to choose from, both of which I feel at least ok about. The one I was due to see today I think I just felt under pressure to look at it's they yummy mummy, middle class, slightly alternative school for this town. But I just didn't get a good feeling from it at all.

I really can't believe how much better I feel now I've decided to forget that school!

Redhappy, you should always trust yourself. I know at times it is hard to know if you are doing the right thing, but you know your child better than anyone.

Good luck with the others.