I can't do this any more

[siblingrivalry]

I really feel like I could just walk out the door and not come back.

I have managed to deeply offend dh's family by daring to be hurt by something they did (long story - in a nutshell they weren't truthful with me about something. The relevant bit is how they've manipulated the situation to suit themselves -AGAIN).

It's the last straw. I very very rarely cry cos I'm always scared that if I start I won't stop. But I've spent the last 2 hours in floods of tears and have really had it.
I'm worn out dealing with dd's AS. DH is also very, very likely AS and is incapable of giving me a shred of support. In fact, his behaviour is more draining than dd's. He is totally absorbed in his hobbies and doesn't see how much I am struggling. Even when I try to talk to him, he rolls his eyes and talks about himself.

I am miles from my family -they are totally unsupportive and self-obsessed, but they are my family IYKWIM. I have very few RL friends; I simply lost touch with most of them over the past few years. So I am lonely and pissed off and basically sick of my life.

I'm sorry for moaning, I know people have worse problems but I just needed to get it out. It feels like I have sprung a leak behind my eyelids -the tears just keep coming!

Dont feel sorry for moaning (we all need a good moan from time to time).

I have a dh who i susspect is on the spectrum and TBH he's harder to work out then the dd's (who are also on the spectrum), your dh sounds just like mine, he doesn't seem to realise what i do at home and never says 'well done darling, you are doing a great job'. Well Siblingrivalry, you are doing a great job and you will carry on doing a great job for your dd's and dh.

Having children with SN's is lonley, i have also lost contact with most of my friends and some of my family would rather not visit as they don't know what to expect (they don't understand ASD).

Thank god for mumsnet or life would be a lot more lonley.

Sending you lots of hugs (and a glass of wine), put your feet up and remember, you are a great mum and a great wife and you are doing your very best.

Oh, you too? Sorry to hear that.
DH just can't understand why I need practical support cos I'm a SAHM

He has no idea how much time it takes to deal with dd's therapy etc and how much I have on my agenda at any one time. He thinks I can easily do everything. He takes dd1 to school, goes to work, then leaves at 3 to pick her up. That's as far as his responsibilities go.

I literally deal with everything else, from finances to DIY.

I thought it was just me having the week of misery . Sibling do you have any support network nearby? Sorry don't know how old your DD is but are you able to have any time for yourself even if its just for a walk in the park and a coffee?

Thanks Marne -my eyes are leaking again

Thank God for MN- it's been a wonderful support for me and it's lovely to hear a 'well done' instead of 'how can you be tired?'

siblingrivalry can I give you an increasingly MNetty ?

I can't stop the exhaustion, but I can say that we all know what it is like, and probably 80% of us are with you, in exhaustion.

You are doing a great job - your posts about your DDs brim over with love. You are fighting hard.

Yes, just like DH , i am a SAHM, dh seems to think he's the only one that works and when he gets home he can't see why he has to help (put dd's to bed ect..), Dh does handle the finances as he's adicted to saving money, finding the best deal on insurance ect.., dh has never been to any hospital appointments or any meetings involving the dd's, he doesn't read the letters involving the dd's. He will look after them for a couple hours at the weekend (which is nice). It is hard work, i have taught myself to ignore him when he goes on and on about things (such as 'what a hard day he has had'). He no longer makes me cry.

loflo sorry you are also in this week's misery club -what's going on?!

I get time to myself -both dd's are at school- but am overwhelmed by doing everything, I think. I have no support network, I'm pretty isolated.

DD takes forever to go to sleep and has an awful sleep pattern, so I spend most of my day in a fog and try to prepare myself for the inevitable meltdown after school.

I think it's just having sole responsibility that's depressing me.DH has never made a phone call or written a letter in connection to dd's dx. He wouldn't even know what a social story is, or what other things I have in place for dd. I've tried repeatedly to involve him, but he zones out. So I stopped bothering cos it sapped my energy.

Marne do we share the same husband? God, you are describing mine. He has attended some appointments, but sits staring into space and contributes nothing. He never reads letters either.

He also constantly moans about how tired/stressed he is and how hard his job is/no one else has such a stressful job etc. It saps me mentally.

Sorry you go through the same crap.

Lougle, thank you. That was a lovely post. A hug is just what I need right now. I am typing and sniffling, dh is watching the tellie and ignoring me. It's almost funny -I can feel hysterical laughter bubbling!

Of course, you're tired, siblingrivalry.

And tell me where your outlaws live and they'll be finding DS1's used nappies on their doorsteps :o

Very tempting Ouryve.
Thing is, I have refused to talk about it with them tonight cos I am just too mentally shattered and dd1 has really struggled to cope with seeing me in tears so I didn't have the time -or inclination. So they will stew and make a huge drama out of it -ho hum.

Oh god sibling where to start? DS (newly diagnosed with epilepsy) had a throat infection and all epilepsy management went out the window, work got broken into twice in the space of a few days, had our first meeting further to our formal complaint to the NHS, and lovely social work added insult to injury with the news that they have returned DS's (we adopted him at 2)sibling to the care of birth parents despite nearly killing DS and causing the injury that caused the epilepsy .

And I decided it was a good time to start a OU post grad........

And breathe...........

Sorry if I am teaching granny to suck eggs but would melatonin help DD to sleep? DS had when he was younger and seemed to help. And do you have any support groups nearby where you could maybe offload a bit? Give us a clue where you are and maybe there is a mumsnetter nearby to be a listening ear?

I think we do have the same DH, he doesn't even know what a statement is (even though i have explained it so many times), he doesn't know what OT is or SALT. Dh only works 3 days a week but anyone would think he works 7 . A while ago i saw a therapist for my anxiety and she taught me ways of handling dh, she told me to treat him like a child (as he acts like one), it works a treat, i praise him when he's done something good and ignore him when he's moaning .

Oh, loflo, that's so sad -you must be so worried about your ds's sibling. I'm so sorry.
You certainly qualify for a 'crap week' badge

I hope you can get your ds's epilepsy under control soon.
Melatonin is an option we are exploring, thanks.

I have a lovely MNetter friend close by -she has let me moan at her many times -but I am aware that we are all in the same boat (her ds has SN) and am careful not to whinge to her too much

Actually, I have to thank all of you (and Arsenic for the lovely hug and words of encouragement) cos I feel soooo much better than I did before I posted. I have actually stopped crying

I am sorry there are so many of us in similar positions but extremely grateful for all of the support and warmth on this board. You are all caring, selfless people who make a real difference xx

You know tho sibling the best thing about a crap week? Next week can only be better

We are always here if you need us - just shout!

Very true.Thank you.
And it works both ways -I am here if anyone wants to talk/rant /cry etc x

I hope you have a better day today sibling, my dh is on top form at the moment as he is anxious about moving house, he talked and talked (moaned) last night about all the silly little things that worry him, hopefully he's feeling better for it, i think he's going to the GP on monday to ask about As and get some anti-depresants to help with the move.

Dd2 got loose with a paint brush yesterday in the new house and managed to paint the new cream carppet and out new mattress (as well as the walls and radiators), i struggled to keep it together and didn't know how to tell Dh, i now have to spend today re-painting and steeming the carpets. , things can only get better (i don't think they can get much worse than yesterday).

Oh, Marne, you poor thing -as if you didn't have enough on your plate.
The sad thing is that you also have to protect your husband from it all (I do that too) so you miss out on the help and support you need. I don't think we live near each other or I would come and help (I'm in the NE)

I have woken up feeling like I've been hit by a truck I'm actually seriously considering leaving him -before my health and sanity suffers any more. Thing is, with no family to speak of (whole other story -they all live in their own little bubble)and no money, it just isn't even feasible.

Anyway, on a more positive note, I'm really pleased you have your bigger house at last -I know how long you've had to wait for it.
Try to get a bit of time to yourself for a cuppa. x

Sounds like some real shit weeks happening. I have no real advice/help just wanted to send a hug and say along with the others sometimes we just need to say to ourselves (and 'hear') we are doing a bloody good job! (Also not sure if you have carers organisation local to you, but ours here has funded some counselling sessions for me, space to say how crappy things are, time just for me) they also have a 'parent carers' worker too.... just a thought. (also home start? are they still around? )

It must be something in the air as everyone is having a shit week - I think its the fact that winter is creeping in :(

Sorry to all of you that are not feeling appreciated and the battles are uphill all the time. You all do a fantastic job and your children will be greatful even if they cant express it.

Sibling and Marne I think we are talking clones here. I've just read Marne's DH description and expected to see my DH's name! I don't think they realise that they contribute to the feeling of loneliness. We've had 2 appts this week - Dr and Senco and he hasn't even asked how it went. I do know that he is getting much better at his new xbox game though.
Big hug to everyone who is having a low patch and a pint of whatever puts a smile on your face ( tea, wine, diet coke, chocolate cake )

I lost it with DH on Monday ending up in tears most of the day over one thing and another and on Tuesday did it with DS [16] felt awful mum fell and broke her arm yesterday and it needs setting either today or tomorrow, to top the week off DS has broken the fixings for the shower enclosure by banging it in his temper.

Thanks sibling, i am in the SW , luckily dh is working until 9pm tonight so i get a bit of a break from his anxiety and moaning, i don't think he wants to move house (as he feels safe here), i have decorated the new house by myself (a bit of help from my parents)and he has shown little interest in any of it. I'm so excited about the move but having dh feeling anxious and depressed has turned it into a very stressful move. The girls are excited, its very tempting to move and leave dh here .

Marne, know where you are coming from with the constant anxiety and moaning, it leaves you feeling drained of all life doesn't it? and our DC's are SO restful

I love my DH and he has some lovely qualities but honestly out of the two of them sometimes I think my DS is more mature and well-adjusted.

siblingrivalry all I can say is you have all my sympathy. Hang in there! a better day will be along some time. I hope you get the support you need from somewhere, after all it doesn't matter where it comes from as long as you get it...