Thanks you so much everyone, huge huge help 
I have emailed the head this....
Headteacher & senco,
From the conversations we have had, including the one yesterday I get the impression that you think I am neurotic and over-reacting but having had total care of ds for the last 4 years and of course he is my number one priority, I know what he is capable of and what dangers to look for. Obviously I only want the best for ds and to make sure he is safe, and with you being the Headteacher and the schools SENCO it involves you too.
This is a hard enough path to go down, with all the appointments and now all this will the SA and I feel I should be getting 100% from you but at the moment I feel like I am a nuisance and being demanding. I have tried to take a back seat when he was in pre-school but certain things were not being addressed.
It is hard enough when your child starts school when they don't have any difficulties, it is pure hell when your child has problems especially when you feel in the dark and your child won't/can't tell you about their day. I am worried as before him starting school he had total supervision from me everyday, and even with one on one there have been mishaps for example him running off out the door at the supermarket.
I asked teacher 1 and teacher 2 if they could record down if ds has a bowel movement in school because I have to fill in a bowel diary for his outreach nurse who visits the house, this is so his medication can be adjusted accordingly. teacher 2 said that ds hasn't had a bowel movement in school yet, twice he has come out of school with a dirty nappy, this of course could have been done just prior to him leaving.
I also asked if they could maybe jot down a couple of things he does in the school day that I can then talk to him about, this was done on Wednesday (which was great) but yesterday - no book. I suppose the other reason for this book is so we can communicate with each other without me having to discuss things in front of other parents at home time etc.
No-one at all mentioned him hitting other children to me, only my dd, I then mentioned it to teacher 1 who said the matter was in hand. It then came from my dd that he hit children again Wednesday (including biting and trying to strangle dd with her cardigan) and Thursday again, I have told dd to tell who ever is on break duty from now on. When the problem is also affected dd then it is a double whammy for me. She is already a bit out of sorts down to her best friend .... leaving. Can this please be watched as I don't want ds hurting anyone, and with his issues it is more likely than not it may carry on as he can be difficult at home. Prevention is better than cure, maybe for now some of his time awarded could be spent with someone watching or keeping an eye on him? The other fear I have is if he could escape through the hedge, which is probably unlikely to happen but this could have been an issue for dd & her friends last term (The great escape!) and I know that ds would not debate this in his own head, he would be off!.
I have no idea what so ever, who his TA is? Or what hours he has been allocated? I did write a note to teacher 1 asking this, I know they are busy with 29 other children coming in and out but surely this is why a TA is needed? To support children needing extra care and attention and would the TA not be my point of communication? This is difficult when I don't know who it is.
I just thought/think that a good relationship and good communication between school and home is important, to ensure that ds's needs are met and he is happy in school, and It would be good if we could work together and update each other regularly as obviously these things will always work better when teamwork comes into play. I know you have many other challenges within your job role but I am sure you can understand that getting ds everything he needs is my challenge.
Thankyou for your time and assistance in this matter.
I sent this, this morning...what do you think?