Feeling stressed re school start.. SN v MS culture.. Very hard to get used to..

[DJAngel]

Been absent for a while as been worried and stressed about dd starting school.

We have a SN/MS split placement and the logistics have been tricky to work out as everything needs to be duplicated in 2 settings..

We only found out who the 1-1's would be a few days before the start of term so it's been really hard to prepare and we've all just hit the ground running..

I feel quite ill with it all.. Trying to keep on top of it all and help dd to settle in.

I have today for the first time come away from school and am at home, but so far have been at both settings all the time. Today at the MS school - where she has settled best - I felt a bit of a spare part so said a tearful goodbye and slipped away.

There's so many things I feel about all of this and my posts are always too bloody long anyway but..

A. I really miss her.:( I hate to think of her needing me and I'm not there. She does ask for me if I go out but she is able to be distracted so have to remember that.. It feels so hard to let her go.

B. I do have a problem with the culture of schools anyway. They feel so coercive and at times so hard and unfeeling towards the children. ( realise that there are nurturing staff as well..her 2 T.A's are lovely)

C. The SN school is so much tougher on her and I've had some difficult conversations with her teacher about the way they have been so strict about stuff right from Day 1. I feel I just want to grab her and run away yet that won't do anyone any good either..

It feels really hard coz now she just says No, or Home, as soon as we drive in as she has been crying a lot when made to do stuff.. e.g. Sitting in circle or snack time or being taken off to the toilet every day even though in nappies and long way from being toilet trained. She really freaked at this.

It feels wrong but I'm told it's necessary to bring on her development.

I just have to trust that they know what they are doing and let go but it's bloody hard for me.:(

Am I being pathetic or unreasonable to feel like this? Feel both schools feel I'm neurotic, although not too worried about that.. Feeling very low about it all..

So sorry for long post but helped to get it all out. Thanks for reading this far!

Surely SN school should have discussed toilet training and whether it is appropriate to start - esp at beginning of school year ! I would be concerned about this as it shows that they may not be valuing your opinion.

oh

I have some alarm bells ringing at your post. Sorry, but it's just some of the language used in your post - 'coercive, unfeeling, strict' is not what I ever associated with primary schools, even some of the poorer ones. They've tended to feel quite nurturing to me, especially at reception level.

Yes, the school are right to make demands of her but it also sounds very inflexible and as if they're not taking her individual needs into account.

The best attitudes to SN for me have always come from staff who are willing to listen and learn from parents. They may well have experience of lots of other SN children but they won't know your child's needs as much as you do. I agree that they don't seem to be valuing your opinion and that's something to be wary of.

Thanks Troutpout you're right - it will get better.. It's early days - I've gotta be patient!

sugarcandymonster as I said I'm aware there are some lovely nurturing staff in both settings and yet I have seen and heard a few things this past week that I have not agreed with.

Some children are nurtured and given lots of TLC when they're upset and others have been left to cry and I have personally found this hard.

I'm not good at separation stuff anyway and just want to feel that my dd will get the same kind of care that she would with me.. Of course writing that down - it now seems ridiculously unrealistic! However, I do have really high expectations of school in this respect. My ds (NT) can tell me if something has occurred at school and I can reassure/explain or talk through stuff with his teacher. But dd cannot tell me what has happened in my absence and I find this very hard.

I know I'm a control freak!

Anyway, yes I feel we should have been told in advance about the toileting stuff. It wasn't discussed beforehand and if I hadn't been there may not even have known about it?

They have been talking things through with me a bit more. They did try to explain that dd for different reasons has not had 'neurotypical boundaries' (?) put in place as yet (probably coz I'm a soft touch?) and so they were going to address this and this is the start of it..

I've always found her distress so much harder to cope with so it's all been a bit stressful.

It's a leap of faith that I guess we all have to take when our kids start school and I have to just hope she will be ok and in good hands..