Hitting/punching other kids....

[pucca]

Day 4 of reception class ms school, and ds (ASD,ADHD,GDD,SPD) keeps hitting and punching other children at break and dinner time.

It was my dd(6yo) that told me, no-one else. I mentioned it to his teacher today and she said "yes there was some problems yesterday, but your dd spoke to him and it's all sorted"

WTF?? Why is my dd being involved!?

It isn't sorted as he has done it again today, Dd told me he hit some year 2 boys (same class as her).

How long before I get grief off other parents? How can/should they deal with this?

He should have one to one supervision at break times. Don't negotiate... Tell the head. Go higher if you need to. I went in far too soft & got no supervision for my ds and ended up having to share ds diagnosis with all the other parents. Luckily most were supportive and the problems eventually improved.

My ds1 does this, it's fairly common with ASD- it's about unstructured times and possibly sensory things to do with crowds of children also.

In order to get him 1-1 for breaks we had to get it written in his statement which took several years so I would suggest that route now, tbh

Thanks Mariagoretti and Sancti...When would you personally act on it though?

He only started school on Friday, but has done it since Monday this week.

As it's so early in the schoolca reer I;d lekae it until teh end of the week then ask what theya re doing to help, see what they can try. If it's still happening in a few months I;d absolutely apply for the hours; I always envisage ds1 hitting someone too ahrd and killing them (bearing in mind that's he's ten now) and wish i'd stepped in far sooner.

Also- if it is sensory then it could actually be physically really quite horrid for him: painful noises etc.

He is very sensory aware!

He hates the rain, went through a recent obsession about it and wouldn't go out, always had his hood up, always looking at the sky.

Thanks Sancti

Think about as et of ear defenders then, could be an enormous help? We always keep ds3's handy (ebay).

Bit unfair for dd to be policing him in her time but they probably did it because she was familiar to him and could 'get through'

They're probably still getting the measure of him in class. I agree he needs help at playtime whilst he gets used to it (and as someone who does go out at playtime on duty I can tell you that it is definitely as assault on the senses, even for the NT!)

My ds is sometimes happier in a hat. Gives him some security and cuts out what he can see a bit (like blinkers on a horse, I s'pose)

Sancti...Yes that might work for him, good idea.

Spinkle...Thanks yes that is a very valid point about dd being able to get through to him.

A hat is another excellent idea, something to "hide" behind, when out and about he does like to get away from it all by retreating under a table etc.

PipinJo...So sorry to hear about your ds that is awful, and exactly what I don't want to happen.

I just feel really hopeless as I am not there to tell ds, and the dinner ladies are there but don't really watch every little thing. The last thing I want is ds to hurt anyone else, or make any other child feel sad or hurt.

Statement is well under way, the last piece of advice has just been returned to the LEA so hopefully a draft statement should be with me shortly. It's really weird as this didn't happen in pre-school, but then saying that pre-school were pretty pants tbh, There was hitting going on but all "boys play" according to them.

He has even been violent to dd, trying to strangle her and bit her on Tues leaving a mark...total nightmare! but as awful as it sounds, dd is used to ds and his ways..so is a little more understanding (not that she should be understanding to that).

I don't want some poor little reception class child who is nervy anyway to get "got at" by ds.

I am going to speak to the head today about it.

Well just rang and spoke to the head, and according to her it's not a problem.

She said "It is par for the course with some reception children, and there may be some parents that get huffy about it, but it is not concerning for them at the moment, if they thought it was getting out of hand then they would ring me".

Well I am sorry for being concerned

I did stand my ground and said that I don't want anyone getting hurt, and I thought she needed to be aware.

Why do some heads make you feel like you are making a big deal for no reason??

Argh...

Bump...oh and no home/school diary today, oh well I got a day of it whoopie-doo! Also nothing about ds having nappy changed (I keep a bowel diary for nurse).

I fore-see problems here!

When I eventually raised concerns I asked the other playground parents to report any incidents to me so I could take action that night and also to the teacher so it could be addressed the next school day. It was embarrassing and I did wonder if I was getting ds a worse reputation than he needed... But it did help.

Some heads don;t want to make a big deal as they are trying genuinely to be kind and not alarm you

Others, as Pipn says, have an eye on the bank and their SEN numbers on the school stats sheet.

In fairness, early on many kids
will be like this. the difference is that your ds has a bigger likelihood (far from gusranteed) of heading down the wrong road with this one. Ds1's break behaviour was written off as just high jinks for far too long.

Well, this year he is safe and so are the otehr kids now he ahs 1-1 and in 2 months we will know if he has a palce at the AS specilaist school.

So there might even be a layby (not end of road LOL, am realistic!) in sight!

Thanks again everyone, I do question myself sometimes and think there are 29 other kids in his class, am I asking too much? Am I being over the top here?

All I know is there was a boy in dd's class who was being violent with other kids, and I heard the whispering etc (refused to be part of it of course!) but I can see this happening is it carries on.

So what should I do? Should I leave it another couple of weeks and see how it goes? If it does calm down?

if this carries on...not is!