Thought I'd put a message here because you lot are more understanding! Ds3 (so far appears very NT) started potty training at the start of the summer and I thought it was going so much better than it ever did with his elder brothers. However I still can't really say he's 'trained'. He has some dry days, but some days when he wets himself loads. These appear to be mostly if we are out somewhere or if he's just completely absorbed in what he's doing. He also hates sitting on a toilet: which can be a problem when we're out and about although he's hapy enough to wee next to a tree so that's usually ok.
I don't really mind having to change wet clothes (he doesn't poo in his pants) as long as I've remembered to bring enough changes lol! But something else is going on at his childminders - it seems he's really reluctant to sit on their toilet or their potty, and he has lots of accidents there. Both I and the childminder wonder if he's holding on to his poos because he's waiting to do them at home, and then that's why he's wetting himself a lot there. Plus although the childminder herself is fine about changing him, she has an assistant who seems to get far more stressed about it.
So I suppose I'm wondering (a) should he be better trained than this by now? Never having had a child who trained properly I don't know what's 'normal' but I know other people say their kids 'get it' within a couple of weeks. He does 'get it' (I wouldn't have started if he hadn't started saying 'wee wee potty' to me while still in nappies.) but should he be dry more often than he is?
(b) should I put him back in nappies and try again in a month's time or something? I wanted to avoid this because I thought it would give him the message that it was ok to wee in his pants again, and that would be counterproductive. But it might make things easier for the childminder.
and (c) should I try to gently get him used to sitting on the toilet - like maybe getting him to sit on it with the lid closed and just play a game for a bit, then graduate to the lid open but not expecting any wee or poo?
Finally, the reason ds2 kept wetting himself was because he had a retained Galant reflex, but I have checked ds3 in the way the OT showed me and he absolutely does not twitch at all, so I am fairly sure he doesn't have that. However ds1's problems were probably down to food sensitivities (and even at 8 he still wets the bed) so it's possible something similar might be going on with ds3.
Apologies for the essay, many thanks to anyone who stuck it out!