I worry every year that....Will ds ever integrate into school? and AIBU?

[want2sleep]

I see a pattern here every new school year the same parents (me being first to moan:) about ds starting school again and the stress and sensory levels go up in ds.

Now ds has a dx of ASD and severe social interaction delays and school being the only chance to interact.....the school have stopped ds going out to play!

This is not because of his ASD by the way but because this other boy who keeps attacking ds is in the playground even though they have a 1:1 for this other boy now(for two hours).

So this means that ds cant increase hours into school to go in lunchtimes as ds can only go in max 2 hrs which ds cant cope anyway because of distress over this other boy but also the other boy only has limited 1:1.

Is it me or have I right to feel this is wrong :( Got IEP end of week any advice on how to approach this?

Doesn't sound at all fair to me. If they need to keep them separated, surely there's another way of doing it other than not allowing your ds into the playground

Are there any other areas of the school which either boy can go to during lunchtimes? Separate bits of playground? Gym halls? Anywhere??

Is this ms school?

I would say that the school are wrong making your ds stay in at break times, both your ds and the other child (that attacks your ds) need to be mixing with other children. The school should find another way of keeping them appart.

Just thinking about this again and re-reading your OP - if ds is becoming even more distressed about this boy which is preventing him even coping with the 2 hours he is there, the school should absolutely be doing something about this other than just preventing him from going outside.

Surely your ds is entitled to access school, and if he is prevented from doing so by bullying/aggression from another pupil (whatever the circumstances), I would be making a big deal of it. It sounds like the other boy needs more 1-1 too.

I thought it was me being ds's mum being so concerned about ds not being allowed out at playtime...thing is because ds got asd the more ds is isolated in school (ms) the more ds will like it.

Ds goes into the library which of course ds loves as alone and reading with no social interaction.

Ds is getting worse in morning in playground as other ds their without 1:1. Ds social skills are scored as 1yr old and by teachers keeping ds away from peers at playtime ds is going to get even worse and learn to avoid social activities in school even more.

Today was the first day ds was happy in school because ds never left the classroom which is not great....but how do i explain without annoying teachers in IEP that this approach is not helping ds social skills as they see they are helping ds by creating avoidance.

I do think ds will only gain confidence if allowed in playground and showed the 1:1 with the attacker to know ds is safe....however the attacker only has 1:1 untill 11am....so I have been told ds can only stay in school these times when it was agreed in annual review in May ds needed to go into school am and pm to have varied circ.
So this goes against AR decisions (but not on statement about am's and pm's)

I am seen as a nuisance if I go and complain though. Going to see gp who signed ds off before end of last term due to the severe distress ds had from several attacks and ask what can be done? Gp wrote to school last term about this and this is their solution!

Where can I conplain as I did to school last term in writing. Does anyone know what is my next move (LEA said it was a school problem when I spoke to ds case manager)....dont know my 'next' professional I approach.

Does your statement say he only have 2 hours at school? Or is it the school saying this because of the other boy?

Regardless of this though, it basically sounds like during the time he is there he is not allowed to access everything that all the other children do - this is absolutely not on and I would be kicking up an almighty fuss about it. Why should it be him who is denied going into the playground? Why isn't the other boy removed, for example?

You are absolutely right that this is not helping your ds develop at all. Of course he's going to be happy being left on his own, but wtf does that do to help with social interaction?

on your behalf tbh.

I'm sorry I don't know the answer to your question about what your next step should be but bumping in the hope someone sees this who can help.

got iep tomorrow and all in a spin in my head what to do...I want to have a go but will be seen as an over protective mum etc..

I am going to take a valuim before and say things quietly and softly and try not to get angry as I will start crying and dont want to do that.

Ds should be integrating but due to only allowed in for two hours and limited social interaction the ABA consultant cannot up ds time in school to 2.5 hrs a day.

they never invited ds to class party yesterday afternoon...but thats another thread:(

by the way Bialystock you kinda answered the question...thanks but gonna keep it very passive:)

Good luck for the meeting tomorrow. Doesn't matter if you're an overprotective mum - that's your job! You have to do everything to make sure your ds is getting what he needs - just remember, you don't owe the school anything, they need to be providing for your son. Don't let them make you feel you're being neurotic or over-protective.

All the best for tomorrow

Where can I conplain as I did to school last term in writing. Does anyone know what is my next move (LEA said it was a school problem when I spoke to ds case manager)....dont know my 'next' professional I approach.

Ok - so you wrote a letter of complaint and the situation is still occurring?

Next step is to write another letter of complaint addressed to the Head and naming the child who is causing the problem. In that letter you refer to the previous letter and express uyour disappointment that Head has been unable to protect your son from this anti-social and abusive behaviour. You should remind the Head that he a) has a duty of care to your son and that b) he also has a legal duty to provide an eductaion 'suitable to son's age and ability' - which he is not doing by limiting your son's access to education. You then need to state that you wish to know what steps he will take to protect your son and to increase his ability to attend school - and set a deadline for a response.

You must copy the letter to someone else so the Head cannot deny receiving it. The Chair of the Governors is the best person to copy it to but you could also include the Case Officer LEA.

That way all the recipients will have a copy of yopur complaint on file and action must be taken.

I appreciate that no one likes to complain - we all hate doing it, but you should be angry that school's complancy is preventing your son receiving an eductaio that he's entitled to. Getting him signed off sick will not address the longterm situation - only the Head can do that.

Hope matters get resolved soon.

Best wishes

want2sleep

Call ACE for help. If I remember correctly, when my ds was isolated at playtime, they suggested that a letter stressing that in primary school learning social skills and communication is an important part of the curriculum and that in isolating a child at those times, is depriving him of a part of his education. Like WetAugust, they also suggested asking them for length of time the current situation will continue and what steps were being taken to reintegrate your ds.

Thanks will contact ACE. - will delete this post as they would know who this as bad situation but thank you going to appeal so hopefully they will sort tgis out also?

Hmm I don't blame you for being upset. No I don't think YABU - I can't really understand why the SENCO would not go for the suggestion of taking turns to play in the playground.

The idea of showing your ds the other boy has 1:1 might work but what if it doesn't?

The fact is there is a situation where one child is bullying another and the victim of the bullying is basically being punished (by being prevented from normal activies) Why is this other child not being prevented from access to playground??

If the other boy needs a 1:1 to prevent attacks the school are letting him down too, as well as your ds. And it might only be a matter of time before he chooses someone else to attack.

And there is of course the other issue of this being a terribly backward step in helping your ds develop socially.

I think very good advice from WetAugust. I would write a letter to the SENCO (and whoever else was in meeting?), clarifying the situation, what was said today, but also pointing out everything WetAugust and Keepyourmouthshut said about duty of care to ds, that this is depriving him from right to full education etc. Definitely copy in Head, chair of governors etc.

Hope something is done about this.

A letter will be going out. Thanks all this has been not just excellent advice but fantastic support when feeling upset confused and angry about what has happened. Thanks x