living with aspergers symdrome

[duffy87]

My partner has aspergers, and i sometimes struggle to keep on par with him, and his (at times) "querky" reasonings, lol, but have lernt over the years how to word things. We have also descovered that our 4 year old son has aspergers, and although it doesn't bother me as such, i can find him quite difficult to handle, and he can have violent mood swings. To say that i am at a loss i think would be appropriot. My partner can deal with the moments our little boy has, that i can find awkward, and tries to help me cope and give me pointers, but they don't seem to work for our little boy or me, and would love to try some new coping stratedgies of my own. I have tried using the same approach i use with my partner (only more simplified), but it doesn't seem to be working. Can you help? Your input would be most apriciated.

Google 'retained reflexes' and if any of those things sound familar (lack of coordination, cant follow things with eyse from right to left without moving head etc) then find a sensory trianed OT who will give exercises to help integrate the reflexes. (Also look at the thread on retained reflexes
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/1013333-Retained-Reflexes-update

Also have a look at www.treatingautism.co.uk website - really good to try bio med approach -

both of these have really helped friends son with aspergers. - happier, more relaxed, more part of things etc

Firstly can I say hi and welcome to the board :)

I'd reccommend reading the complete guide to aspergers by tony attwood, if you haven't already.

Because everyone presents differently things that work for your DH may jolly well not work for your ds.. And then you have to consider the age difference.. Your dh will already have a whole kit of stratagies ... Where as your ds will need to learn and build his up.

It might be an idea to list a few areas of concern along with what you have already tried.. I'm sure there will be lots of us who can throw so e ideas at you.. ( based on what works for our different children).

The big thing with meltdowns for us is recognising Ds2 own emotions.. By what his body is doing.. And using stratagies.. Looking for triggers for him.. Routine... Time warnings and count downs... Using a sand timer for a visual reference... And keep everything clear consise and totally to the point.

Also depends on what kind of things you want him to do.

I've pretty much backed off trying to get my DS to do anything he doesn't want to do if he doesn't have to. So we don't go out in the weekends and stuff like that. It's lowered everyone's stress levels considerably (although in it's own way is making me quite depressed).

Whereas other people on here are determined that their child has a more normal life and don't let it shrink to the things they are comfortable with.

Both valid points of view - but bring different challenges with them.

Hi Indigobell,

I am just writing to give my support. My Husbad has Asperger's and my son, who is now 8 has it oo but is much worse than my husband. My son was diagnosed when 5 years old. I am the only NT person in our house but despite them both being AS they have no understanding of each other and it is a constant battle between them, with me in the middle waving the white flag.
I don't have a social life either. I found, when my DS was 2 that he could not cope with social situations. By 3-4 we realised places with too much colour,noise, more than 2 strangers etc were a complete nightmare (suermarkets are the absolute worst! He would spin, bang his head, make repetetive noises etc. So we decided to go to more peaceful places at first, museums, galleries etc. With a week talking about it beforehand. We would stay a little while, talk and explain everything until the behavioural problems flared up, then we would ask if he wanted to go, if so, we went.
There was only so much input he could cope with at the same time, too much sensory stuff would be overwhelming resulting in overspill behaviour as he tried to zone out.
Like I say, he is 8 now and still spins in Tesco, but has become more tolerant of sensory overload. We also used to take a pair of ear defenders and dark glasses with us everywhere as he found some respite in these. Really we found at first avoidence of certain situations was they key with gradual exposure over a few years. Dedication is needed! And despite the 'don't label them' brigade, we eventually did buy one of those slogan t-shirts from the NAS because we got sick of the 'what a brat' and 'Ooh, bad parenting' comments from strangers when he flipped out anywhere.He is under a psych for the anger outbursts and is beginning to analyse his own behaviour now. So hopefully he will gain more control the older he becomes. (I hope so 'cause it blooming hurts when he accidently hits or kicks now!)
So, you are not alone, in fact, when I read your post it was so similar to my situation, I had to reply.
Good luck, and remember you can apply for DLA, if you haven't already, as it helps with the cost of outings etc.

Thank you to all that have replied, i will use all the info i've been given and will keep you up to date with every new achivement, thanks again :)