When the meltdown is over what do you do?

[EccentricaGallumbits]

if the meltdown involves breaking stuff, hitting, kicking, biting, shreiking, swearing etc once it is over and the child returns to 'normal' do you just get on with stuff or expect apologies or something?

I've cracked the ignoring while meltdown is going on and can carry on reading my book while I get hit, bit, kicked etc - this seems to be the only thing that doesn't make things worse, but once it is over and she has calmed down and stopped she usually just caries on as if nothing has happened, whicj i have trouble with as i hurt.

do i just carry on too? or ignore her longer?

(DD is 12 and probably aspergers)

I definately would not expect an apology. My DS claims he doesn't remember at all what happened during the melt down.

But neither would I let her bite me - can you not leave the room or something? (Am I being naive?)

Thing is - by definition she can't help herself when having a meltdown.

Anyway - that's just my approach. I'm sure someone will be along soon to disagree :)

Hi EG.. We've been working on meltdowns with the behavioural therapist for ds2(11 and asc/as).

Don't keep meaning to dropping the BT into threads .. But if I can pass on anything that will help from our sessions .. Then I'm glad to.

Firstly we use a traffic light system and have been working on anger volcano and recognising own emotions.. ( this bit is important).. If you search my posts I have explained ( quite long ).. How we have done this.. If you can't find it give me a shout and I'll email you :)

we still have meltdowns.. But if ds2 can't get to his safe space .. We remove ourselves for saftey.

I have been told that it is very common for asc children not to remember the meltdown or what they did during it..

So there seems little point going over something ds2 doesn't remember doing.. And he truely doesn't.. When things have calmed down.. He will just carry on as normal, maybe a little tired if anything.

So our big big thing is to teach him to recognise what he is feeling and do something before the meltdown..
If one happens it happens .. We leave it at that.

Ds is nearly 12 and used to have dreadful meltdowns, several a week and they'd last for hours, with him rumbling for days afterwards. They're quite rare now, I'm glad to say, but they do still happen.

We have a 'meltdown plan' that links to his 5-point scale and when he blows I acknowledge that it's happening and leave the room and get him a drink of water as we've agreed in the plan. I go back after 15 minutes to see if he's calmed down (he usually has) but if not I leave it for another 15, by which time he's ready to have someone in the room with him. I'll ask if he's OK, offer a hug (but only give it once he's agreed), he usually apologises because he knows he's lost control but at this stage we don't talk about the incident at all. We focus on getting him back to calmness and I'll suggest something that might help, tv or a game or something.

One thing that works for us is a regular weekly meeting to look at our strategies and targets and how we can work together to help him achieve them. It's then that we'll discuss specific incidents and look at how they might have been avoided, put in plans for next time there's a possibility of something similar happening. We might call an extra meeting after a meltdown - that helps ds as he has an agreed time slot to talk it through.

We agree that once he's lost it there's not much we can do, the damage is done. Our focus is on proactivity, finding ways to avoid getting into potential meltdown situations in the first place.

This is a great thread, Am watching with interest

thanks for replies. i wondered if i was doing it 'wrong' to let her just carry on but she really has no recollection of wha she has done mid meltdown. i also usually manage to leave her to it and not get hurt but was defending my computer and got in the way. ouch.

she is still waiting for assessment (8 months so far) so maybe i should chase it a bit and hopefully someone would then be able to help her with avoiding the meltdowns - she's pretty good at that herself and knowing the warning signs i can avoid the triggers but the ones that come with no warning are a problem.

i am a bit fed up wih her breaking things though.

EG those explosive ones are flipping hard work.. I have been caught a couple of times by ds2.. And it hurts!

can I suggest ripping cloths to you.. Not sure if it will work.. But might be worth ago..

They are litterally old rags ( I have mine clearly marked ripping!) that when ds is wanting to get destructive.. But before the big blow.. He can go rip away.. It actually takes quite a lot of effort to keep ripping rags up.. Oh and the bonus is you get a constant supply of cleaning cloths :)
old sheets/ towels are great ..:)

Does she throw things? If DS1 is getting ready to blow (if I think of it in time) then throwing balls at the back of the front door can avert a crisis.

Or a punching cushion/punchball?

Also when the storm is over DS1 is often very upset and frightened at himself. He's not big on cuddles but after meltdown is one time when he does want one. I think it's probably quite scary for him, and it helps me too to remember that he doesn't do it because he wants to.

Ds doesn't have them anymore because he knows the signs and removes himself or I know the signs (shoulders rising, breathing quickening fist clenching) and prompt him to go chill.
When he did have them I would praise him for calming down once calm but wouldn't comment on what had happened during the meltdown.

i find is so hard to forget it as quickly as her though. when she's big all 'normal' and chatty and nice I'm looking at my bruised arms and still hating it.

like the cloth ripping - think that is something that might suit her. thanks