I lost it with Dd3 last night and feel really bad!!

[Ineed2]

Dd3 has been getting increasingly hard to handle, she has recently moved on from putting her fingers in her ears when I am talking to her about her behaviour to shouting "I don't care" very loudly whenever I ask her do do or not to do something.
Yesterday I put some clean pyjamas in her draw and found a note which said I hate Mum and Dad!! I was really upset but didn't say anything to her.
She has been stuggling this week with a new class at school etc you know the kind of thing.
She was really awful last night and wouldn't do anything, I ended up pulling her by her arm to get her upstairs to get ready for bed she was shouting. Anyway I lost it and showed her the note and said a few things I probably shouldn't have said.
She was really upset and shouted hysterically that she was Sorry[thats a first she has never apologised before]. But now I feel bad because I was so angry. I have never been so cross with her before.

How old is she? What are her SN?
We all lose it at times and perhaps say things we regret later so try not to beat yourself up too much. Easy to say I know.

You're human.

I struggle to keep it together with DS1 quite frequently and sometimes, I just can't stop myself letting it all out. It doesn't help anything and I end up feeling like crap about it.

Hi TJP she is nearly 8 and has no dx but is being assessed for a possible ASD. She is becoming more and more difficult as did my Dd1 [21] who also has no dx.
Thanx for replying.

Same here. Blew it with dd(9) asd and learning diff a few nights back...
Felt really awful about it - specially as we had had a good summer holiday and she was back at school so I should have been relaxed...

It happens.

Yes after a couple of adjustment weeks at the beginning of the summer Dd3 had a great holiday [although she has been shouting alot] and even coped reasonably well with a weekend away with people we didn't know. It's such a downer when they go back to school and it all goes pear shaped again.
We have now been told we will have to wait even longer for her next pead appointment too, because the one the SALT re-referred her to is retiring so he has refered her on again to somone else.
OH was really shocked when I blew a gasket, I told him again that he needs to back me up next time we go for an appointment, although I might just go without him.

Well, you got angry and she said sorry.

I would've thought that means it got through to her then - so not all bad.

Obviously, not good to do that all the time but I think it is OK to show your frustration now and again. No one's perfect.

Yep spinkle... you're right and it's the first time she's ever said sorry so maybe I needed to be more forcful. I just didn't like feeling like I had lost it.

No, that 'red mist' thing is horrible, isn't it?

I guess also that it's quite a good insight to their meltdowns.

Yep.. I have been known to have the odd meltdown myself!! Not usually with Dd3 though. It's usually other adults that push me over the edge.

Ineed2. Dont beat yourself up. I dont believe there is a parent in the country of any child who doesnt lose it from time to time. It may have done a bit of good if DD can now see that you do have limits. Sometimes endless patience is seen as endless pushability? This is the case I think with NT and even adults and your DD sounds insightful enough to know that the correct response is to say sorry.

I'm sure you will sit down with DD (probably done it already!) when the dust settles to talk to her at a level she understands about behaviour and responsibility and respect for each other - difficult maybe - but its what would happen in any other similar situation and you and DD sound as though something positive may come from this? Hope so anyway. Good luck

Thanx sayitwithwine... we have had a better day today, busy though cos the Dd's were singing in a concert at lunchtime. Have had a difficult week with Dd3 but watching her in the concert today, constantly fidgeting and fiddling, but knowing all the words for the songs and watching the conductor really well , has made me think about working on her strengths and working harder to get her some help for the things she is finding so difficult.

She sounds lovely! Its seeing the real child through all the behavioural problems that is wearing. I think you did that today

Thankyou sayit, she is lovely and clever and very funny but sometimes the challenges can become too much just for a short time. Yesterday I had a bit of time out and was able to draw breath ready to start again.

The thing to remember is that we are all just human. Life with a SN child can be really hard at times. We all have our limits and that's ok. It is a question of balance, seeing the wonderful things your child brings to your life as well as those things that we struggle with.