Feeling down about lack of childcare options

[EleFunTess]

Just a self indulgent rant, really.

I have one DS (Year 1) who has Asperger's. He attends a specialist unit within a mainstream school and travels there and back by school bus. Someone has to be home at 4pm every day when he comes in, obviously, and also around to pick up my DD from nursery by 6pm latest (preferably earlier, though, as she is there from 8am and it is such a l;ong day for her).

At the moment, we juggle childcare between me and my mum, occasionally my DH.

I study part-time/work part-time, and it is a constant struggle. I am either missing lectures, feeling like I am putting upon my mum constantly (she is great, but is our only childcare back-up and does so much for us already), or sniping back and forth with DH about who is going to be around after school that week.

It is only going to get worse, as when I finish my studies in December, I am going to have to look at getting a full time job, as we need the money.

I just feel so hopeless about childcare. There are no after school clubs around here for SEN kids. DS can be extremely hard to handle, and I cannot imagine any au pair being able to deal with him. We have no other friends or family nearby to help out.

I just worry about the future. Sometimes I think maybe I should give up work, or get a 'mum' job - working school hours or something - but I love my career so much and feel heartbroken at the thought of giving it up.

Oh, I don't know why I'm moaning. It's minor stuff, really, isn't it? I just see other kids with childminders and au pairs and nextdoor neighbors picking their kids up etc, and know that it will never be that easy for our family.

Self indulgent rant over!

Why wouldn't an au-pair cope? I mean if you put in the add that your son has ASD, and interview them for someone who will be able to cope, you might well find someone. After all there's nothing 'special' about you and you cope.

Au-pair's are really good value for money. If you have the space in your house...

Is a part time nanny out of the question, even after you're working? There's an agency called SNAP which specialises in nannies with SN experience.

Or what about someone studying something SN/healthcare related, someone who might actually be glad of some hands-on experience? I mean, if you were studing language therapy and thinking of working with children with SN you could learn a fair bit by looking after a child with AS, and it would exactly hurt your cv.

They are the same problems all working parents have but add in SN and its a bit harder to find childcare.
Many childminders do afterschool care & your LA will ahve details of any that have sn experience all though IME its more about attitude than experience.
I have managed to get a job that fits with school hours but prior to that we relied heavily on a wonderful cm, I'm sure the school bus would be hppy to drop off at a CM house.

I know that you feel like you're being indulgent by thinking about having to give up your job but I totally sympathise.

I love my job, it's part of who I am but it's quite stressful and wouldn't be available close to my home or within school hours.

We relied on MIL who has now been taken very ill and is unlikely to be able to help in future. I am about to go off on maternity leave but like so many others here we'll soon find ourselves in that situation where it's simply unlikely that we will both be able to work FT. Even difficult for oneo f us to work PT. It's not even just the school hours, it's all the flippin meetings and appts that come too.

My friends are all shocked that there's nothing at all in terms of childcare for SN kids where we are (DS has CP)- but I'll have another look over the coming year before making any decisions.

ultimately, it'll probably mean we'll have to sell our house because we won't be able to afford to continue with only one wage.

There's no two ways about it, it's not how any of us saw our lives turning out.....

I have faced exactly the same problem. Dd1 goes to school out of county, and we don't use transport (personal decision, it wouldn't suit dd1 at all, and we have the luxury of this choice as I have been sahm, as had dd2 still a toddler)

Dd2 has now started pre-school, so now have the school run clash, as well as being ready to work/study/re-train etc.

We have a nanny about to start in 10 days or so. It was the practical solution for us, as she will be live in, and so provide continuity for babysitting etc. But what a solution! Expensive, and had taken us nearly 8 months to find someone capable (SNAP are a SN childcare agency, but I wouldn't rate them, tbh)

I would agree with Indigo, though - without wanting to put down what you do, you cope, and aren't trained or superhuman - the right person, with the right attitude, may well cope.

It annoys me no end that we have had to resort to a nanny - o really am the last person that my friends would say would ever have one, and in some ways it has made me feel a failure, as the reasons we need one are all "standard" parenting - school runs, etc.

This is a constant problem to us (or perhaps I should say me as tbh dp tends to expect me to sort it out). We have a few hours from a carers agency and the rest of the time I arrive at last minute at work, leave as soon as I can and struggle on. Needless to say it doesn't help my career much! I used to have a child minder for ds1, but it became obvious that although she had cared for him for many years she couldn't really cope with him anymore - he also struggled with noise / rough and tumble of other kids there. I am toying with idea of nanny but it will be expensive and am worried it will be difficult to find someone who can cope! I totally sympathise with you, this is a rant I have had many, many times!

Has your council got an Inclusion Grant? Ours has and you can apply to get a 1:1 funded in a mainstream afterschool setting.

We are also meant to have Home Childcarers - again, the council provides the training and the list - but it's very early days with this project and I believe there aren't any yet!!

Are you sure there are no inclusive afterschool clubs locally? If there are, your school transport should drop him off there and you could collect maybe?