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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

thinking caps on please :)

21 replies

TheArsenicCupCake · 09/09/2010 10:07

Car journeys and shouting arguing and hitting people.

that about sums it up.. and I could use some help.

I have had enough of it every morning on the way to school.

we have traffic light system at home.. school are going to put it in there.. we have red and yellow cards.. and very very clear rules.

but When DS2 gets in the tin box all hell breaks loose.. and I can't see a way round it.
( trigger for this morning.. is the build up from being back at school!)

OP posts:

silverfrog · 09/09/2010 10:18

what is it that stresses him?

is it that he cannot fidget about so much, because of seatbelt?

or thathe cannot move away form what is annoying him (ds1, you, the radio, etc)

does bribery work? so a reward for behaving well, with lots of reminders? cuold be that he gets to choose the radio station, or CD, or the route (if possible)

does he sit in the front, or back (and would changing him round work?)

has he always been stressed in the car, or a recent thing now that he is better at controlling behaviours at home, but is feeling the loss of the system in the car?

Ineed2 · 09/09/2010 10:19

What a nightmare, in the car when you need to concentrate is a difficult time for him to kick off.
Is there anyway you could walk to school, I find it so much less stressful. We do have to leave earlier but all we have to do is shoes on and step out the door. Although getting there is tuff some days.
As usual can't really offer much usful advice, but I know how you feel.

Original poster

TheArsenicCupCake · 09/09/2010 10:26

:o school is 9/10 miles away.. and walking it he might be tomorrow if the young man isn't careful! grrrr :)

the more control he's getting at home the worse the car is getting ( although it's always been a bit of an on off issue)..
we have tried..
moving where he sits..various things to distract.. no music.. some music.

Honestly I think it's because he knows he can't get away. I have asked him ( when he's been in a better mood.. but he doesn't know why).

Im also wondering if he is getting into gear for the stress at school... because he is better on the way home.

OP posts:

Sazisi · 09/09/2010 10:30

We often let DD2 use a nintendo ds in the car Perhaps not ideal, but does keep her quiet.
Also, we have a 7seater and can seat her not too close to anyone else (although she still tries, and sometimes succeeds in landing the odd thump). And she kicks the back of my seat whilst I'm driving

silverfrog · 09/09/2010 10:34

so, other than the yellow/red card system, what calms him at home?

does he need restraints in the car? (sorry to ask, but there are obvious safety implications)

is there anythign you coudl get him to do which would help? a Nintendo, or handheld DVD, etc?

when dd1 starts kicking off in the car, she often gets (sounds wrong - she doesn't get it when she is kicking off, more we try to head it off before it gets there!) my iTouch with a favourite video on it. that helps calm her (fave DVD is a music one, and music really helps calm her)

would music via an ipod help?

a bigger car, so that he is sat in a row of seats on his own?

talking through/not talking through the school day?

sorry, I am sure you have tried all this.

Ineed2 · 09/09/2010 10:43

Ahh!! walking may take a while then..I probably should n't have replied really because I have no advice and am completly unable to stop Dd3 from kicking off at all at the moment. Although we do find putting her in the third row in the 7 seater with her nintedo helps, she is completly unable to sit next to her sister in the car.

IndigoBell · 09/09/2010 10:47

My OT said that DS hated the car because of problems with his vestibular system.

Basically he felt car sick all the time (although he didn't say that).

She recommended putting a towel over the side window so that he couldn't see out so that he couldn't see he was moving so much.

That didn't actually help us. But fixing his vestibular system via retained reflexes therapy did, and now he will travel in the car.

Original poster

TheArsenicCupCake · 09/09/2010 10:57

:o thank you guys.. bouncing and his own space with an audio book calms him down at home.. that and the hanging swing seat.

we use the psp or dsi for supermarkets but it's not brilliant in the car..
going to re-enforce car rules.. along the lines of the traffic lights but for in the car.. and try the audio books again.

we are at the moment in a 5 seater MPV.. I am thinking that maybe we need a 7 seater.. at least then we might eleviate the blooming huge DC kicking people in the car..

he is fine without extra restraints ( thank the lordy)..

mind we see the BT again in a few weeks.. so if I haven't come up with a plan.. ill ask her before trading my car in.

( on an aside.. when I was talking about behaviours the other day. it was pointed out after a natter between ds and the bT and a few other bits they did.. that DS2 probable doesn't actually know what I look like as a whole face.. and actually that would really make sense in our situation... but it was a bit of a kick in the heart for me... only a small point but you know when things bring it home to you).

OP posts:

Original poster

TheArsenicCupCake · 09/09/2010 10:58

Indigo... you are a bloody star!! Vesibular issues are a biggy for ds! ( along with lots of others).

OP posts:

wasuup3000 · 09/09/2010 11:14

Ds likes to listen to the 10 times tables on repeat to keep him calm...unfortunately no one else does!!

Original poster

TheArsenicCupCake · 09/09/2010 11:18

:o :o wasuup !

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Al1son · 09/09/2010 11:30

Can you have him ready a bit early and already engaged in an audio book on an iPod before you get in the car? Just thought it might help keep him calmer if he's not thinking about getting in the car too much.

IndigoBell · 09/09/2010 11:37

Arsenic - I forgot. If it might be his vestibular system try those travel sick wrist bands which have pressure points. They did help. You can get them from boots.

Original poster

TheArsenicCupCake · 09/09/2010 12:05

Do you know how much I love you guys? :)

honestly when my mind goes all blank and tizzy.. there you lot are !

btw I have been online shopping.. so have cheered up a little bit..

Have bought the 'out of sync child' .. now that ds2 is expressing himself better the extent of his sensory issues ( the ones he has been masking) are becoming a lot clearer! ( and that has been with a lot of help of his team).

got lots of appointments coming up over the next few months as well to try and tackle this for him.

( just when you think you know what is going on and almost settled, everything changes huh! I tell you DX was only the very very begining.. teen years here we come and we are a whole new ball game.. not all bad by the way ... for those with younger ones :).. lots of really good stuff.. but just a different game LOL)

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Ineed2 · 09/09/2010 13:46

Have been looking at that book, I have just read "10 things every child with autism wishes you knew" It was very interesting and quite helpful.
I used to get really awful car sickness and couldn't even look a a bus without feeling sick, since using those travel bands things are vastly improved. I hope they work for your DS.
Know what you mean about teen's , When Dd1 went to secondary she became easier in someways , much less hyper, but much harder in others.

anonandlikeit · 09/09/2010 16:46

Classic FM,
Last yr I was collecting ds1(nt), ds2 (ASD,cp &ld) and another asd child.
3 very differeNt personalities in the car made for some very LOUD journeys, until I discovered the calming effects of classic FM. :)

want2sleep · 09/09/2010 16:51

what about a car dvd player with headphones and keep favorite dvd for car journies only?

Lougle · 09/09/2010 20:29

Do you know, DD1 hated car journeys as a baby, before we knew she had SN, but DH would put Classic FM on, and she would just chill right out.

borderslass · 09/09/2010 20:34

DS now 16 used to be terrible tried ds, DVD player everything he would hide under a blanket coat or beat seven bells out of sister if he didn't have something to cover him self found out hes got SPD let him block out the light all the time and he's fab [most of the time]

Original poster

TheArsenicCupCake · 09/09/2010 21:23

well car journey was a bit better this afternoon.. I gave him sunglasses, and we had an audio book.. Oh and he had a rubbish day at school and had a meltdown.. So he talked constantly about what happened before it for the journey ( at least it took his mind off the car).

Went to see family.. And my dad who is normally hard work with ds.. has 'got' it... Eventually!! And took ds out to dig spuds and see to the chickens as the house was really noisey.. :)

ds2 got on well with his great uncle ( if that man isn't aspergers I'll eat my hat ) and talked about computer programming for ages.. Uncle who hasn't seen dc's in years.. Turns round and says he loved being able to talk to someone who understood and was interested in what he was talking about !!

Thanks for the replies :)

OP posts:

Ineed2 · 09/09/2010 21:38

Sounds like a good end to a difficult day, lovely that your Ds got on well with his great uncle.

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