Slightly guilty but happy not working?

[Twinky58]

My daughter has Down's and is 9 (but with a mental age of under 5). I was working last year part-time, but was stressed to the max and finally gave up the job to be at home for a while. This was the best thing to do, and I am now giving my daughter 100% rather than running on empty!

But Social Services have other ideas and are suggesting I get back to work, by using a childminder (in my home). (We have a child in need assessment meeting today).My daughter has had behavioural issues and we are getting on top of them, and I think a stranger looking after her could tip her over again.

Am I wrong to not work? I am on Carer's Allowance and Income support which covers me, and am much happier in myself.

Thanks, perhaps you may have experience of this.

I would tell social services to fuck off. But I am able to do so.

I gave up work as it suits me, my DS2 and the rest of my family. But I don't need anythingfrom anyone so I am able to tell them to mind their own...

Why don't you tell them that you want a further period to settle her and continue the good progress with her behavioural issues and will review in 18 month or so?

If it were me I would also get school to comment on any improvements in her behaviour and get my GP to comment upon my own reduced stress levels.
If the school say it is better for your DD and your GP says it is better for your health then that would help you wouldn't it?

A childminder isn't a childminder if they are looking after your child in your own home. They are a nanny.

Don't feel guilty - just wait, they will advise you to use your DLA to fund it

What a * liberty!

Social services think it would be good for you to get a child minder and for you to go back to work? Tell them to mind their own business. That's unbelieveable!

I was referred to social services years ago as a single parent with a disabled child and no family within 200 miles of where I lived. The lovely Paediatrician and my son's Behavioural Psychologist both supported this referral.I was isolated, miserable and missed my job as a nursing sister. They "assessed" me and my son. They said his needs were not great enough and they'd reasses if things "got worse".

Tell them to get lost.

I should add.....

Five years on. I am remarried to a lovely man. I don't need their help now. But I did THEN and they said NO. I was so close to jumping off a tall building and couldn't get any help whatsoever. So, again, tell them to sod off!

Thanks for your replies! I have the meeting today which has been called by them, apparently to help me further, eg extra respite care, holidays and the like, plus employment ideas, but I am a little suspicious of their intentions, I didn't ask for this meeting.

I expect the mean well and extra respite would be good, but maybe this is a government initiative to get us back to work (last government I expect)?

I think there is an initiative to allow carers a bit of (their precarer) life back,( something very sadly lacking up till now as Wendi has pointed out). Perhaps they are wondering about direct payments to help you go back to work ( assuming that is what you would like), but it might be that at this time what YOU most need is something different ie a bit of respite so you can recharge your batteries to continue the good work at home.

I would tell them to get lost too but if it is part of any intiative, I'm not sure why you would attribute it to the last government???? This one will be weilding the axe on benefits and support etc

debs40, there was a Labour Gov initiative to get single parents back to work, and that's when Tax Credits were introduced - let's hope the axe doesn't come down too heavy on these.

yep. Labour govt inititaive that resulted in my being nagged encouraged to go to the Job centre and explain why I wasn't working.

Fuck off. I explained

Oh pagwatch. You're my kinda girl (assuming you are indeed, a girl).

Don't these folk realise..............I would rather have my son without his disability (for HIS sake). That I would like my old self back; that the carer's allowance they provide is nothing compared to the salary I had as a G grade nursing sister and that actually, we don't want to be made to fell like bloody spongers!!!

Do you think that they could have misread giving up work previously to look after your daughter? They may think that as you worked previously that it is your preference and that only the stress of additional workload/stress associated that you aren't in work now.
I am a SAHM from choice. I had decided this before DS1 was born. I had no knowledge that there would have been any extra bloody paperwork/ appointments/meetings etc. The SN jokingly said the other week that it was just as well i didn't work as i would never get the time. But i do plan to go back sometime, even if very part time. I just don't think that any of the agencies involved with any of my DSs expect me to work, so they don't offer anything.

With teh 'childminder in you home thing' (AKA a Nanny as someone said) check the funiding- you may find it far ahrder to get help with that cost than a childminder.

It's weird isn;t it? I lost the chance of a good job recently becuase SSD wouldn;t help with childcare for an interview that fell over half term when DH was in an exam. Our SSD do nothing to help with owrk. Yet others are pushing.

Quite odd.