Why does he do tis knowing he gets even more upset? Attention seeking?

[blueShark]

I probably haven't introduced yet in previous posts, I have DS 4.2 (ASD by NHS, Speech delay and word retrieval issues by private paed). Just started Reception in a SN unit attached to MS.

Well, tantrums seem to have stopped for a while now except when is badly not understood what he wants and he keeps insisting on it, but when he doesnt get it his way or not allowed to do something, or is sent in time out he would do one of the following:

1. In the time out corner crying, takes socks off and starts screaming. If not given attention most times takes all clothes off and screams even more! Now I see this as attention seeking but I have left him at times for over an hour (naked, crying on and off) but as the weather gets colder this approach is not most suited.
2. Takes a part of a toy, wheels from the plane for eg and would cry and say Fix it please and until I either fix it myself or tell him to fix it which he does the crying doesnt stops.

Now I need an advice, do I treat the above as attention seeking and IGNORE? He knows clearly why he is being sent to Time Out which is usually hitting, kicking and similar anti social behaviour.

Bump

disclaimer - I've never been a fan of naughty step/time out/one supernanny fits all discipline etc, so I have a bias.

gut feeling - do you think the time out is making any improvements to his behaviour or making a bad situation worse? just I wonder if by the time it gets to time out, he's feeling wound up and upset and doesn't see that he's in time out because he's in the wrong iyswim.

I wonder if a change of approach might help - working out potential triggers for hitting, kicking etc, to try and nip situations in the bud before he gets so wound up.

hitting and kicking are all part of sibling rivalry I guess when he is in TO he knows he was in the wrong and understands why is sent there but being the extra emotional and sensitive he just badly overreacts but laughs when his brother is sent to TO.

The only solution is I need to watch them at all times when they play together.

Thanks so much for your input.

I would go for distraction rather then time out. Your son sounds very bright, he's thinking of great ways to get you attention (taking his clothes of in hope of a reaction). I would ignore the fact he has taken his clothes of, distract him with something that he enjoys (for my dd2 it would be anything to do with numbers) and when he has calmed a little pop his clothes back on.

Dd2 has similar meltdowns (lots of screeming and crying) usually because she cant get her point accros or can't get something to work, if its a problem i can help her with i will but she often continues crying until i distract her with something else.

thanks Marne. I will try the distraction although he puts the clothes on himself as soon as I say so, but me saying it is another bit to get attention to himself.

Time out wouldn't work at all for us.

Sibling stuff - I try to keep as close an eye as poss - prevention not cure - and when someone gets pushed over etc, then I try to totally ignore the pusher while I make a big fuss of the (screaming in fury) pushee, verbalising that they are sad because they got pushed. Sometimes, if pushee is willing, we leave the room to do something fun elsewhere.

i.e. not punishment, just trying to generate an understanding of the way that anti-social behaviour stops people wanting to play with you.

And attention seeking - well, because I am a perfect and patient mother, I always take attention-seeking as a sign that my child needs attention. And it's better to give them positive attention rather than wait until they've spilled washing up liquid all over the carpet to notice them. No, that sort of thing never happens in my house. Ahem.

Hi Blueshark

Sounds like fun in your house!! Have to say have similar experiences with my ds - now 9 with dx of hfa and adhd with s&l difficulties!

I don't think this is attention seeking but sheer frustration; my ds would slap his legs and thighs - pull off his socks or whatever he can get his hands on when in 'meltdown' mode.

I think it is very difficult to find something that works for you and your family (well works most of the time!) - my ds likes his back rubbed (not immediately but when he begins to breath again from the screaming!) - or quietly rolled into his duvet or as Marne says distraction.

Pick your battles and ignore what you can x