Okay so I've been a bit of a nice bully

[TheArsenicCupCake]

just told senco what he is going to do.. And when he is going to do it.. In a really nice way of course..on advice of the BT who saw us last night.

I am hoping this will not be an interesting relationship :) although I'm not holding out much hope ( from the floundering fish impression and negative oooohhh s arrrrrs and we don't normally do that comments I received).

( urrr well guess what you are going to do it.. Be ause my ds needs to be able to access the best possible education he can in a way that suits him).

I am officially now feeling like a bully.. Poor bloke!

BT?

Well, men need direction generally.

I'm prepared to be extremely unpopular to get what my DS needs.

Good on you. In my opinion and experience, schools can be just as 'at sea' as parents can when it comes to certain behaviours.

I can't believe you could be a 'bully' though

BT= behavioural therapist ( asc specialist one).

The thing is hopefully is it easier for him to just be told what to do by people who know.. And to use stratagies that are the same everywhere in ds's life and won't cost the school anything other than about ten mins meeting time and a quick write up.

I did use the line the teir3 BT from camhs has asked me to call you to makes sure the following is put in place immediately. ( she gave her blessing on that one).

So meeting in four weeks to make sure these things are in place and working.. Also told him at the meeting who will be attending.

I am the mother from hell.

As long as you didn't flush his head down the toilet

Good for you, well done!

I'm starting to really 'get' the unemotional assertiveness thing ( after gawd knows how many years lol).

Isn't it in the unwritten job description of being a parent that you promise to do the best you can for your child? Sometimes you can't do your 'job' properly by sitting quietly and saying nothing. good on you.

Hmm what do I say to our SENco who has promised to call CAMHS if she has time sometime on Friday afternoon... ( which translated means I will say this to shut Mum up knowing full well that CAMHS will be busy on Friday afternoon and I won't be able to get hold of them/or that SENCO will find herself to busy on Friday afternoon to phone them or that SENCO will conveniently forget) Any advice please?

My advice with regard to SENco callingCAMHS?

Bypass SENco.. Seriously write your concerns down.. Go to GP ask for a referral.
Then tell SENco what you have done and her backing would be greatly appreciated.. And you know how busy she must be at this time of year so you hope you've helped her out :)

I am now into generally bypassing people but I make it look like I'm helping them out..
Sometimes I say things like, " oh shall I do that for you.. I know how bogged under you are.. Would that help? And is there anything else I can do ?"

generally goes down okay :)

Also with that.. You know what has been done .. When it has been done.. You'll get copies of letters for your own files and you able to basically organise the proffesionals into some coherrence.

I am just waiting from a call back from EP as I'm following up a meeting date.. So I can pass that onto the BT and tell SENco when and what time meeting is.

It also means I know who and when to chase people up and who to write clarifying letters to.

Thanks Arsenic we have recently got a diagnosis and the SENco wanted more information on what ds's needs were. I gave her CAMHS number last week and asked CAMHS if it was OK if she called them......you know how it goes!! LOL

Ahhh that makes sense... If you have a copy of the report.. I'd just photocopy either all or the relevant bits and pass it on.
If she hasn't called them and your still waiting on your copy of your report just give a nudge :)

I am so impressed with you guys! I had my first bulldozer moment today when I was told I could write to the funding panel, couldn't go to meeting where they decide and couldn't even be told the day of it...I was not nice and then ended up crying after the phone call.

Need to learn from you guys how to begin my fight without the emotion and hopefully without getting arrested...

Eloise.. Not sure about the others on here but how I do it is to basically take control in a friendly way. .. If there is something I don't know or I'm concerned about I ask them to clarify, saying at the time " can you just clarify that x is the case/ happening/ not happening.. .. Then I add a oooh can I just repeat that back to you from my notes."

then I nicely say at the end of the conversation " thank you for talking to me, Are you okay if I just follow that up with a clarifying letter of our conversation/ outcomes etc."
haven't had anyone say no yet ( they are generally suprised and social politeness takes over). And add a few little friendly things in at the begining of the conversation before you hit the business side so they are more receptive..( little comments about weather, how early it is, oh they must be so busy etc.. While you say your grabbing a pen etc"

Always always write letters and speak to people for a third party to view.. and look at the situation from a step or two back.. ( it helps take some of the mad mummy out of it and keeps things on track with facts.)

put letter away for a day then reread it and ask yourself would that stand well in court... If it's a no.. Then re write.

lots of this won't ever get to a court or third party situation.. but it's a useful excercise to do on your
head.
Hth .. I'm sure others on here have different ways of doing it.. This is just the way I do things to help me.

Star.. I'm sending a large glass of wine over in your direction..

It is soooooo easy to get hacked off tbh.. Just keep in the back of you head.." my IQ drops when I am angry"
this is very very true in my case.. I have to completely distance my emotions.. ( then I come on here... To wibble!)

Thanks Star and Arsenic. The school decided after 4 days back that the year 2s could now go out of the main entrance like the Juniors instead of the side door like the rest of the infants. TA takes the class up in a line and then is puzzled why my son does a U turn and says thats not the way out and runs back to his class confused! Teacher comes out and starts explaining why hes late out and I found myself saying that he doesn't like change... Teacher looks at me and it clicks with her and she agreed that he wouldn't like change. So tired of doing this though got to write another note to his other teacher who teachers tomorrow - he is in a mixed class and his teachers job share just to add to his confusion. Having to explain things twice this year is going to be sooo much fun!