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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

how horrible.

83 replies

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/09/2010 14:16

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1036348-special-needs-mummy-martyrdom-special-needs-top-trumps?msgid=21200599

OP posts:
LollipopViolet · 07/09/2010 17:27

And here we see why I rarely venture off here and Chat. MNHQ need to stop this, it's not on.

snowmash · 07/09/2010 17:31

I wonder if people are allowed to post an OP under a namechange, then switch back to support themself. Doesn't seem right.

amberlight · 07/09/2010 17:31

MNHQ should stop it? I won't hold my breath.

mariagoretti · 07/09/2010 17:37

Please can we all stop feeding the troll. Personally I'd like make the happy assumption that it wasn't a SN regular so we can all stop fearing being a suspect.

Either the poster was being deliberately nasty (in which case ignoring the thread is the best remedy) or they were upset, tactless and didn't mean to cause that amount of distress (in which case they may fess up in a couple of years when the aggro has died down).

LollipopViolet · 07/09/2010 17:38

Amber, neither will I. I've just tried to read that, couldn't get very far as it was actually REALLY upsetting, and i don't have any kids with SN!

Vile thread. I'd love to know who the namechange is. Namechanging for fear of backlash means it's probably not a good idea to post it. Stupid person. Still, I'm not going back on there to say that, I can't face reading it. Do we really live in a world where people think like this? :(

SauvignonBlanche · 07/09/2010 17:39

I'm not going back on it but have reported it.

LollipopViolet · 07/09/2010 17:41

Good idea Sauvignon, I think I will do the same.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 07/09/2010 17:42

I reported it to mnhq hours ago as a personal attack.

I really do wonder whether it was the person who said something very similar a few years ago. She was actually a lurker rather than poster although had apparently (given her memory) lurked a lot.

Details are the same re her dc.

Hmm if it is her maybe she should engage rather than read, misinterpret then blow.

2shoes · 07/09/2010 17:43

i too reported when I first saw it, but that was ages ago.
I won't hole my breathe(goes blue trying)

SauvignonBlanche · 07/09/2010 17:48

That's bad form MNHQ!

bigcar · 07/09/2010 17:50

pretty standard form from mnhq on sn/disability issues Sad

amberlight · 07/09/2010 17:51

Trying to recall if MN have ever responded to a call to remove disablist posts...

LollipopViolet · 07/09/2010 17:52

You can bet if I started a thread saying AIBU to think this place is very anti-sn/disability it'd get pulled instantly an/or I'd get ripped apart.

I won't do it, but it's SO tempting right now! That's genuinely how i'm feeling at the moment and I'm actually quite glad I've found a student forum where I now make the majority of my posts, will still be here and in Chat though :)

Maybe because I've lived with a disabled relative all my life and have a group of friends with various disabilities this is hitting a nerve? Maybe...

troublewithtalk · 07/09/2010 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WetAugust · 07/09/2010 19:33

It was inevitable.

It's been brewing for a few weeks now.

I actually said a week or so ago that we should lay off when the last big argument was underway.

I actually have some sympathy for the OP's statement "There is an SN police on MN that seems to have to interject on everything.".

I've noticed an SN interpretation being placed on an increasing number of threads. And yes I have noticed the 'alright for you but my DS/DD is disabled' slant.

If I find that inappropraite as the mother of an SN child then you can be damn sure that it will serve to antagonise a lot of non-SN motehrs who feel like their fed up of having SN 'rammed down their throats'.

And to set the record straight in case this post raises suspisicion - the OP was not me. I've been at work all day (and haven't yet discovered how to name change Grin)

anonandlikeit · 07/09/2010 19:47

Fucking hell,the OP'S been on the cooking sherry surely!

She's either a complete loon or in a very unhappy place to put out such a post.
TBH its impossible to discuss sensibly either way so IGNORE, walk away, do not engage.
Stick to SN we can all be smug martyrs together.

tallwivglasses · 07/09/2010 20:22

It's gone.

signandsay · 07/09/2010 20:24

Bloody hell, got to page 8 of 16 on the other thread and thought why am i bothering, I don't find anyone smug on the SN threads, but do find lots of support and lots of knowledge, if this is the way this is going I'm not gonna bother with this internet stuff stick to RL, got good friends and family who understand, or at least are trying to... may come back and lurk again in a month or two

good luck all, thanks for sharing your lives it has helped.

ouryve · 07/09/2010 20:30

pouf! It's gone.

TheCrunchyside · 07/09/2010 20:34

SDMT - thanks for your post about how it gets easier as they get older. I'm particularly looking forward to getting some sort of emotional even keel as the rollercoaster of raised/dashed hope has been doing my farking head in for 18 months now!

saintlydamemrsturnip · 07/09/2010 20:44

oh raised - dashed hope is awful

After that I settled for a very negative 'will never do anything' - protection I guess.

But then I was told that 'you may think you know what the future holds but you don't' and found that really helpful. And I pretty much stopped thinking about it.

My son is now doing really well. He's very happy and he's doing things I really never thought he would. To the outside world he still looks severely disabled, but it doesn't matter because he does so much now.

Honestly it really does get better - even if it's not the way you expect/hope for at the beginning.

daisy5678 · 07/09/2010 20:49

You know what, I'm suprised that the OP was the parent of a SN child. Not because everything in the OP was mean or untrue. There is some truth to what she was saying. There are the people, on here and in RL, who do make everything a competition about who's got it hardest. There are the people who lie or exaggerate to get more sympathy. There are the people who think it gives them an excuse for something.

But I was very surprised to hear a parent of a SN child talking in such a derogatory way about the 'SN police', as though every parent of a SN child is lumped in together and some kind of different species. SN posters are not one huge, homogenous mass.

Even with posters that I'm not so keen on, I can't imagine turning on parents from the SN board en mass like she did, deliberately exposing 'parents of SN children' on the most public busy board rather than choosing to go onto the SN board and do it here, is because it's almost trying to turn people against them/ us.

When you have a child with SN, it becomes an entrenched part of your identity. And yes, I do sometimes find myself thinking - 'I wish I had your 'problems'' - I don't think I ever say it, even if some do - but I think that those that may say some of the things that she put do it because SN is the centre of what they are. As a parent of a child with SN, how can she have no sympathy with that? So, to effectively ask a high proportion of MN-ers to come and mock the special needs tops trumps and martyr mums seems to me to be a pretty cruel thing to do, even if some of the general points about competitiveness etc. are valid.

The post was a snipe at a collective group of people who are all dealing with their lives in different ways. Some posters' behaviour might be questionable but to have a pop at a whole group on the basis that they are all SN mums is unfair.

It is more about how some people, as individuals, post than about SN mums as a group and I think what she said is unhelpful and unfair, as it portrays a whole group as a bunch of whingers. At times for me, everything becomes about autism. I can't help it. For some, their whole identity is bound up in being the parent of a SN child and, while that's not healthy, neither is it healthy to hold them up for censure for it. So I think the OP was being unwise and unpleasant in how she addressed the issues bugging her.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/09/2010 20:53

i don't think they were the parent of a child with SN -MNHQ basically said they were a troll. So my day was ruined by a troll!

OP posts:
2shoes · 07/09/2010 20:56

do you think the outside mn thinks we are all best mates that never disagree?

daisy5678 · 07/09/2010 21:07

Yeah, I do.

I'm actually quite glad to know that it wasn't a parent of a SN kid and I don't know why!