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SN children

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Original poster

Do SN children benefit from a younger sibling?

21 replies

talcam · 06/09/2010 19:14

I would like another child DH not sure. We have come to the conclusion that the only fair way to decide is what is best for the family overall.

We have 2 dd's one aged 6 with no SN. 2nd is 4 with genetic disorder. She has no verbal communication, some sign, learning difficulties and some behavioural issues. Not unmanageable but she is hard work for a 4 year old.
DH concerned about time and money (we are not struggling but don't know what provisions DD2 will need for a very unknown future).
I have heard younger sibs can encourage development. Also better for DD1 to have someone to moan to/share burden with as she gets older, although would be 7 year age gap?
Please note before people get on any horses of above average size that a baby would be wanted and loved for the baby not as an accessory to older children .
So if someone could tell us what is best that would be great :o.

OP posts:

5inthebed · 06/09/2010 19:21

I have three boys aged 7, 5 and 1, the middle one has asd and dyspraxia.

DS2 has more in common with DS3 than DS1, they play together better, I think, becasue DS3 doesn't do much proper talking and DS2 is quite immature for 5, he is about 18 months behind his peers.

Not sure if having a younger sibling has brought him on more, but I do dread the day (if it happens) that DS3 takes over DS2 developementally.

Sorry I've not been much halp have I?

StarlightMcKenzie · 06/09/2010 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

herjazz · 06/09/2010 19:45

I've a 5 yo dd with profound/ severe sn and a ds 2 yr 11 mo. Am due again v soon.

Ds has been great for dd. They have a great relationship. Developmentally he overtook her at about 6 mo and he is now considerably bigger than her. They were mistaken for twins a year ago but now people presume she is the youngest.

He does these noises to her similar to whT she makes and tickles her hand all of which make her laugh. He also is protective of her around other children.

Think he's added a lot to her world. Not in terms of 'bringing her on' which I had so desperately wanted.. But she likes to watch him. He amuses her

herjazz · 06/09/2010 19:54

The trade off is I don't do anywhere as much of the 1 to 1 stuff with her I used to. Perhaps that would have tailed off anyway as I got more despondent about the effects it was having and realistically understood all the therapies in the world were not going to make a huge difference

Maybe in some ways it has lightened us up as a family. We tend to go on lots of days out that suit them both. Ds certainly distracts us from dd's poor prognosis in some ways.. even if it's that we don't really get the time to dwell on the more dark stuff. Alas don't think dd will ever be a 'burden' for ds or any other sibling

bigcar · 06/09/2010 20:08

dd3(4 sn) has enjoyed having ds2(1 nt) around definitely, they are both having to learn about sharing right now Dd3s communication has benefited no end. I can't leave the 2 of them alone, dd3 isn't the most gentle but now she's in school it's a little easier. But it is gutting when the younger child overtakes the older one.

ArthurPewty · 06/09/2010 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alfiemama · 06/09/2010 20:40

I definitely think that ds (6 asd) has benefited from NT son (4). The four year old brings out a little bit of imagination in my other son that without his brother I honestly don't think he would have. Yes there are times where it is tough, IE one overtakes the other and I have always said developmentally its like having twins as my asd son is more like the 4 year old, but its so worth it. I am due soon with another little one so hoping it will all fit in place again

Original poster

talcam · 06/09/2010 22:06

Thank you for all comments so far, glad to hear it hasn't went disastrously wrong for anyone :o

OP posts:

colditz · 07/09/2010 01:54

I have a 7 year old with ADHD, ASD and SPD and an NT but rather defiant 4 year old.

in terms of play, they are like peers, to the point where Ds2 is furious if ds1 gets to do something different. And ds2 doesn't let Ds1 'zone out' as much as he would if it was just me and him.

ds2 is an excellent younger brother - but Ds1 is an excellent older brother too!

ShadeofViolet · 07/09/2010 10:21

I am glad that everyone has such positive experiences.

My DS2(3.7 ASD) loves his older brother, but has never really paid any attention to DD (nearly 2). He will steal things from her like drinks or toys, but he doesnt interact with her at all. I am hoping that this will change as she gets older and they start preschool together.

Original poster

talcam · 07/09/2010 10:43

What are your experiences of what the nt children think of having one SN sib or both SN and NT?
Bearing in mind as we all know there are no guarantees :( (This scenario is one of DHs major concerns).

OP posts:

ShadeofViolet · 07/09/2010 10:57

My DS1 (NT) is 9.

He is very protective of his brother, and he understands his difficulties. He can sometimes get a bit worked up about rules that he has to live by that his brother gets to break (like eating at the dinner table for example), but he attends a siblings group for brothers/sisters of children with SN which has helped alot.

MistsandMellowMilady · 07/09/2010 11:01

DD is 10 and is also very protective. There's enough of an age gap (7 years) for the SN / NT thing not to come into it really. He does things differently because he's the baby.

This is all very positive, I've been thinking about another DC too...

Original poster

talcam · 07/09/2010 11:20

Not sure I want to be held responsible for a baby boom :o.
What has happened to all the terrible children

OP posts:

Lancelottie · 07/09/2010 12:44

DS1 (ASD) once commented to a therapist that he 'practised on his sister' [then about 2] when he needed to work out how to play or how to approach people.

They have a great relationship, possibly largely because he could always reach the biscuits no matter where I hid them.

MrsYamada · 07/09/2010 13:22

I have DS1 (ASD) who's 10, DS2 is 7 and DD is 5. DS1 and DS2 get on great and DS2 really understands DS1, sometimes more than me. DS2 looks out for DS1 but DS1 is quite protective of DS2 too. DS1 and DD don't get on great but I think that's more the age gap, boy/girl mix. They don't actually fight but they don't really play or anything either. DS2 really benefits from DD and they are very close. DD isn't very tolerant of DS1's behaviours but that could just be because she is only 5.

ouryve · 07/09/2010 13:43

DS1 tells me daily how much he hates DS2 :(

loueytbg · 07/09/2010 16:27

OP I'm really glad you started this thread. It has been one of my arguments to DH that having a younger sibling would potentially bring DS1 (ASD) on developmentally and at the least would provide more social company for DS2 (NT). I'm glad I'm not totally talking out of my arse rubbish.

DH btw has come around to the idea...

MistsandMellowMilady · 07/09/2010 16:36

There may be a baby-boom after all then

I'll be waiting until after Christmas myself, life is too stressful to endure a "dry" one

Original poster

talcam · 07/09/2010 21:57

ouryve, how sad :( hopefully they will grow out of it.

OP posts:

ouryve · 07/09/2010 22:07

I hope so. When DS1 decides he hates someone, he's pretty unmoveable, at the moment.

His LSA of 2 years has gone on maternity leave. He's had a really stormy relationship with her over the past year, which is a shame, because she's lovely. If she was at fault in any way, it was only in that she was too nice, if you know what I mean. Anyhow, on his way into school, yesterday, I mentioned how it would be so exciting, him having a new helper and he said "Yes. A new helper not to hate." :/

He does occasionally tell me he hates me, but he only seems to hate me when I won't let him play out because it's pouring with rain. The strength of his feeling for DS2 goes as far as him going berserk if I carry his and DS2's food to the table at the same time. Thankfully, when he's threatening to hurt DS2, I can usually avert it by reminding him I have the power to take a sock (and only ONE sock) off him. I have to be a mean mum to keep the peace :o

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