Those of you with ASD children

[loueytbg]

When (if ever) do they stop trying to escape????

DS1 (3.5) has ASD, probably nearer the high-functioning end although we've not yet been told. He runs away at every opportunity, has no sense of danger and will try and get out of a house/playground rea if the door/gate is not locked. We went out yesterday for the day with some family members and their 2.5 yr old was roaming around without any supervision. DS1 kept running away and he either had reins on or we were running after him. He hates being restrained or put in a buggy now and it is a bit of a game as he will frequently look back to see if we are following him. He understands wait and stop but just doesn't listen.

He also has a car obsession so he will run across our road to try and open the neighbours car door given half the chance. Fortunately we live in a cul-de-sac.

I am hoping it is just a phase but am I deluding myself? Any tips to keep him safe whilst giving him a bit of freedom? I should also say that he has a NT twin brother who gets a lot more freedom and I think DS1 is getting a bit fed up about the fact that he is restrained.

DS is fine (ish) at 6 - but was not really a runner to start with more of an aimless wanderer in public places. I remember noticing that much younger children ( He was 4 ) did not seem to need so much surveillance !

DS1 (11) needs constant supervision.

You just need locks locks locks locks and more locks.

If he becomes difficult to control in public crelling harnesses are very good (that's an area where we have seen a lot of improvement although ds1 still needs someone holding onto him at all times near traffic).

DD (6) also needs constant supervision, i have to hold on to her hand all the time when out and about and if we are in a particularly crowded place she has to have a wrist strap,if i let go for a second shes off and my god can she run fast!! She is ok in the house and at school (fab special school) because she knows that she cant escape,we have so many key operated window and door locks that hopefully its impossible to get out and she seems to relax knowing that there is no escape, but if we visit relatives i literally have to shadow her everywhere.

ds1 relaxes when he knows he can't get out as well. I always say he is only ever properly free when securely locked in!

my DS is still a runner but I thought him to be close to me or if running ahead to constantly turn and make sure I am behind. Having said all this I managed to lose him in Legoland this summer as the our approach went pear shaped in such a busy place during school holidays and it was my fault I got carried away chatting to a friend.

I suggest the following that has worked for us but needs lots of practise:

1. Hold his hand all the way to the park and as soon as you enter the gate he is free to run
2. Keep constantly calling his name and keep close to him (will keep you in great shape). Now if he doesnt respond to name you should work on that prior to the park.
3. Play lots of Ready Steady Go and STOP games at home so that he gets an understanding on what STOP means; this word saved me running and screaming in the park.
4. Once in playground make a rule that only YOU open the gate and say when you have to leave

Its taken me a good year to be able to sit down on a bench and watch him and my younger one play and now my park visits are more relaxing than before.

Stay firm when setting boundaries, with as little shouting as possible unless is really needed.

The Ready Steady Go - Stop games worked well for us too and lots of learning 'Come back now Ds' when on safe walks. It was a bit like dog training (!) but it is going to depend on child and how they respond. As ever there is no one answer.

We used to joke that we would hire him out in Hollywood as a personal trainer as keeping tabs on him when younger would have shifted anyone's weight !

we have trained DS too!

he is not a runner so much as he doesn't realise he has wanedered off, iyswim?

BUT he likes a rule, so the rule is, by roads he has to hold an adults hand. In busy places (like lego land, or London, or shops) he has to hold an adults hand.

Otherwise he can run / walk as he pleases.

Being very specific about the rule (we had to adapt it in lego land, when he tried to walk off holiding a strangers hand, cos it was "an adult" luckily, they just asked him where his Mummy was, adn I was a few paces behind him as he had escaped from holding my sister's hand (she is not used to him) has helped us. He's nearly 4 btw

DS1 doesn't understand ready steady go but we taught stop and 'walk at my speed'. Needed two helpers and a quiet road to practice on. I said the words they physically controlled him iyswim.

DD understands 'stop' and rarely will obey but the compulsion to run over rides the instructions given.

My son (nearly 3) is exactly the same - with the same probable dx. This week I have tried to train him !!! Lots of walking / running after him, lots of encouragement etc etc - the only thing that works is giving him something to hold - I know it sounds odd but if I give him a lolly, he walks ! He can't run and concentrate on eating at the same time - so I started off with the lolly each time we walk and am hoping after a few weeks he will have just got used to walking and we can ditch the sugar ! Worth a try ! Good luck - I know what a nightmare it is - but on the good side it does keep us fit...

Yes like president ford ds could not walk and chew gum at same time. Food slowed him down to snail s pace

Thank you for all your responses, as depressing as they are .

mum1369 that's a good suggestion - it reminds me that if I give him something to hold, it at least slows him down.

leonie and saintly yes I think DS1 is the same. He's fine in our garden because he knows he can't get out. He tried like mad to get out of a new playground we went to at the weekend, but once he realised he couldn't he stopped and just played happily. The problem is that he can get out of most places. Thank god our front door handle is so high, but its only a matter of time before he realises he can bring something over to climb to reach it.

rosie yes, he also understands stop (and go) but the compulsion seems to override it. I also have a nightmare when going to anyones house and follow him around. I'm sure people think I'm neurotic. Are the wrist straps better than reins?

shark I've tried talking to him at the playground when we get there and say in very simple terms that if he tries to escape out of the gate, he will go in the pushchair. I then repeat once he tries to escape the first time, and the second time I follow through and put him in the pushchair. It doesn't seem to make any difference even though he hates being put in the pushchair. It doesn't help that his stock answer to everything at the moment is yes, so if you ask him if he understands, he says yes, but I'm not sure if he does. His understanding is selective (depending on whether it involves something he really likes).

Keep the suggestions coming.

My DD doesnt run away much but is easily distracted and has no sense of danger. Constant chat at her and a coat belt tied to DSs pram, for use when I need her next to me....she resists hand holding but finds the belt is a choice and not a restraint. We also did loads of ready, steady...go games but now play 'freeze' if she does run....like musical statues without music....no moving till I say go! :)

oh yes I have a bolter.
OT told me to put a weighted backpack on him when out and about.
This funnily enough seems to calm him down and means he cant move as quickly.
(obviously not laden down too much but enough that he can feel it).

Dd3[7] was a runner and still finds it hard to resist the compulsion sometimes, I find it impossible to trust her near the roads it has taken around 6 years to get her to stop when I say stop. Although she is 99% at it now. We used reins until she was 4 and a half, she hates holding hands and the other day I had to hold her arm with 2 of my hands across a really busy road becasue she was trying to escape.
I don't kow what the answer is to this problem but will watch this thread with interest.

ds is still a runner at 9 - but he is more controlled than he used to be.

He needs boundaries to feel secure. On holiday we have a place with a small gate and fence and it is enough to give him a sense of security - I still need to watch him but he can cope, with no boundaries in place he runs.

waitingforgodot that's very interesting. Our OT suggested the weighted backpack idea but for different reasons. DS1 has poor proprioception and poor core muscle tone. Apparently having a weight on his back helps him to sense where he is and keeps him more stable. We have used it when doing longer walks and it did seem to help his balance (he fell over less). Maybe we should use that more often.

Seems like there are quite of few of us whose DCs only feel secure when they can't get out!